Update to urgently need advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by janebrain, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi All,
    I'm at work so don't have much time but wanted to give the update. M's parents came over yesterday afternoon. M had run away after leaving our house (parents found out she was at our house the previous night) and gotten into a van with some guy she met. They intercepted her yesterday afternoon and got her home.

    Very interesting--the mom says that M is refusing to take her medication and is supposed to see a new therapist on Friday but refuses to go. The exact opposite of what she told us! The parents' confided a lot of stuff to us about M and she sounds like my difficult child 1 only much magnified. Their stories rang true with me. She got fired from her job at a park camp because she was stealing from the younger kids. She lies all the time and loses friends after they figure out what she is up to. She is charming to people, most adults don't see that she is manipulating them. A neuropsychologist in Pennsylvania believes she has borderline personality disorder. The parents are at wits' end.

    As my husband pointed out, we did still hear the verbal abuse a few years ago. Also, I got the impression that the the dad has had it and would like to just terminate the relationship. They looked into emancipation for M but as I already knew, there is no such thing in our state. We are legally responsible til they turn 21. I did point out to them, however, that if she voluntarily leaves at 18 and is not trying to get services from the state then they are off the hook. The mom said the adoption agency didn't tell them of any problems with the 2 girls and if they had known what they know now they might not have gone through with it.

    We did agree to no more contact between the girls--I told them M reminds my dtr too much of her sister and she has emotional problems stemming from their relationship so it is not good for her to be seeing M. They of course understood that.

    So, I do not think I will be reporting to CPS. Marg, all your points seem to be valid--this girl had plenty of adults she could have reported to and that was one of the things that I wondered about--I asked her about telling her old therapist, telling the nurse at school, etc. She didn't have a good answer for me either. Everything she told us could be a lie or some half-truth. I sure didn't trust her after talking to her and seeing her push the boundaries with me and then turning nasty!

    Thanks so much to all of you and I will update again if there is anything to update--I sure hope not!

  2. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I am so happy that M's mother came and talked to you. I responded the way I did on your other thread because she sounded JUST LIKE MY difficult child! Borderline Personality Disorder has been used to describe my difficult child too. In my difficult child's case and it sounds like M's, they leave a wave of destruction behind them without blinking an eye and sadly are unable to look behind them and see what they have done. My difficult child holds an allegiance to no one but herself. I'm so sorry for all of them really. Good for you for having a heart and wanting to do the right thing.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew! That's a relief. I understand that they've had it. Still, the girl is in great need of help.
    Your hands are tied at this point.
    I think you are wise to keep the girls separate. I just hope this other girl doesn't end up pregnant (me, always looking on the bright side. Not!)
    Sad, sad, sad.

  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I did NOT respond on your first thread because I was going back and forth with how I would like to. The story M told pulled at my heartstrings, but I also remember not so long ago the Copper (who was my easy child!) ran away numerous times when she was 15-17. She often ran to a friend and had the friend's parents believing that she was being abused. Poor, poor her.

    I too am glad that the parents came to you. And I agree with your decision to stop contact between her and your daughter.

    Big ups to your daughter for wanting to help her in the first place. She sounds like a very sweet young lady.