Last week I posted, through tears, that my brother didn't want me to bring my three kids to his daughter's confirmation for the weekend. My nieces and nephew are innocent, unspoiled, clean kids who really don't do anything bad. Mine are foulmouthed juvenile delinquents. My bro was concerned on two fronts: that there might be an incident that would wreck the occasion for his kid, and in general, my kids are currently not good role models for his kids, who are slightly younger. I don't dispute any of this, but I cried hot tears for a day just from the hurt. I ended up going by myself, and I had a wonderful, relaxing time. My bro and sister in law were absolutely thrilled that I came down, as was my niece (her father, graciously, did not share with anyone why my kids were absent), and I enjoyed my brief respite from Purgatory Central. The hard part was telling my kids the night before that I was going to go after all, and without them, and why. Oldest kid cursed her uncle, middle child shrugged, youngest begged me to take her anyway, that she'd be good (she's 12 going on 16, a Lolita in the making, and I'm losing the battle trying to curb her profanity and interest in boys). I even enjoyed the five hour drive each way, becasue I was alone in the car and no one was changing my radio station to hip hop or rap. I found a wonderful yarn store and stocked up on some premium wool to knit scarves and hats for Christmas. Had a chance to talk to my bro, and he professed his love for me and my kids. I respect his authority as a parent, and though our behaviorist suggested I express my feelings about his being "judgemental," I just didn't have the heart to do it. I see him as being scared to death that his kids will do the kind of stuff he did as a teen. He hung out with really crazy, bad kids. Never got in trouble withthe law, but he was just darn lucky. What might seem like hypocrisy on his part (he could be more sympathetic to my kids because he did some of the same stuff they do) I see as fear that his pure children will be contaminated. As I expressed in my earlier post, he sees the world in a more black and white state than I do. My sister in law told me as I was leaving that she had tried to persuade him to allow my kids to come because maybe reverse osmosis -- his gentle kids being a good influence on mine -- would happen. He was adamant, though, she said, that they not take a chance. He would have been nervous the whole weekend, he said, and I'm sure I would have picked up on that and it probably would have created such tension that something would have happened. Then, I got back from Virginia Sunday night, and received confirmation that my brother was right to worry. Unbeknownst to me or their dad, difficult child 1 and 2 let themselves into my house Friday night and had a couple of friends over. My furniture was moved around, difficult child 2's room smelled like a frat house (stale marijuana smoke and someone drank a Smirnoff cooler and barfed on the rug. difficult child 2 cleaned up bodily fluids with straight Clorox bleach on premium carpet tiles), there was sticky stuff all over my kitchen floor, spilled soda or something, and the sink was piled to overflowing with dishes, pots and pans. They ate everything in sight except for condiments. Can you beleive the nerve? Break into my house, cook and eat, and don't even clean up? I'm still steaming three days later as I write this. I haven't let kids in my house since then. I've left messages and written emails to behaviorist asking for help to decide how to consequence my 18 and 15 year old, adn she hasn't replied yet. I'm goign to a parent support group tonight for parents of kids over 18 with conduct disorder and substance abuse problems (a lot have dual diagnosis). What would you folks do? Remember, hanging, drawing and quartering was outlawed in the 1600's.