Sorry for not being on in a while, work had me swamped and to be honest I've been trying to not-think of difficult child until I absolutely had to . I hope everyone is good or better! So to recap, it took less than 24 hours for the situation with difficult child to spiral out of control when she last was here. After three days I hopped on a plane to visit our parents and didn't fly back until I was sure she was gone. I'm not out for spoiling anyone's lunch with descriptions of what state the apartment was in, but not only was it bad - it was the kind of bad where she'd made sure the sweet old man our parents had swing around just to check things out (and we figured, if she knew he was coming and he had a key, she'd at least make an effort) truly would think she'd cleaned up. Thus, the hallway looked normal. The kitchen looked normal. LOOKED. She'd pressed three full trash bags underneath the sink. Dishes were in the drying rack - all of them dirty, some with impressive mold, on the inside. She'd left a rottening cabbage head (?) in a cupboard (?!), there was vomit/diarrhea in the bathroom, the bathroom had been flooded and was a general mess, she'd ripped askew my easel and from the looks of it kicked mud at my bedroom walls... it was depressing, mostly the pettiness of it, but hey. Last time she was left alone at grandma's place for three weeks it was literally a disaster area (think left-out food in summer heat and a clogged toilet). She's still set on coming here from February-June. Since I was last on here, or more, since I had to get realistic about what things would look like alone with difficult child, I've budged and agreed to mom's idea of paying for either difficult child or me to get a different place, and in the meantime, for grandma to come stay just to make it that bit more manageable. Part of me feels bad for both the money, and even more for having grandma deal with even a part of this, but another selfish part of me just feels sheer relief. The plan was for mom and dad to suggest to difficult child her own place, and make it seem as if it was for her benefit, which is the only way we know of to make her agree to anything. It's actually true, too - she'd be able to throw parties, and I think somewhere deep down she's capable of realizing having anyone live with her inevitably makes her explode, and exploding is tiring for her, too. Right now difficult child is in the same town as my mom and dad, crashing at grandma's (don't worry, grandma is 99% at their place for the time being) and visiting friends. They were going to have this discussion with her in a public place, but she's not picking up her phone, refuses to have any contact. Grandma can't say anything because we don't want to rile difficult child up when she's alone with her. She doesn't even know grandma will be coming to stay, which I feel is the wrong tack to take since if she did she might start looking for her own place spontaneously, but I understand why they don't want to rattle anything while she's at grandma's place. Grandma is the only person she can somewhat function with, but that is only about 50% of the time (yes, she really can be awesome one second and mad out of her mind the next). I don't really want to hope too much, but, she's confided to grandma that she's flunked two of the 14 make-up exams she had to take: she'll be able to re-take those in June, though. If, IF, she flunks enough of the remaining ones for which she's still to see the results, she may actually not be able to do her internship = has to stay in country C for the spring = can't be in country B, eating away my sanity. Sad as it is I'm actually hoping for her to fail. Then of course she hasn't been able to lease out her apartment yet (remember the apartment she tricked mom into paying for?), says she "just can't" show it to people as it is, will have to fly back to country C and clean it (oh, on this, I believe you) and then start searching for a subletter. Part of me is going "but why can't she learn to plan ahead, this is not good for her!" and the other one is mumbling "oh but maybe this is that one extra thing to make her change her mind about coming". So all in all a stalemate. She hasn't even booked a ticket yet, but her internship is supposed to start February 1st. Hopefully grandma will come a bit earlier so we can have some solid time together before the typhoon blows in. I know I've said it before but I still don't know where I'd be without this forum. Writing it out just helps me keep that perspective. Thank you, all of you guys, for being here, for listening.