Update . . .Worried about difficult child . . .

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Jun 7, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Last night, difficult child and I met a friend of mine for dinner. The friend has known difficult child since she was a baby and is very close to our family. She has a brother who has mental health issues and knows all about difficult child.

    We were talking about difficult child's job and difficult child made the comment that it was time "to screw up" since she always does. I asked her why she thought that and she said that she always ends up self-sabotaging herself and she was scared since she had done well for a while. I told her that it was good that she was aware of the fact and that she has support to help her stay on the right path now.

    The friend and difficult child got on the subject of nature versus nuture and somehow the talk turned to her DBT therapy. difficult child mentioned that she has to keep track of suicide ideation as part of her therapy and that she has thoughts of suicide all of the time. My friend looked shocked and told difficult child to call her if difficult child ever has thoughts of harming herself. She said that she understood being in that dark place and was there at one point when she was battling cancer.

    Then . . . difficult child went off to work today and called shortly after she got there very upset. She said she had missed the monthly employee meeting. She said she totally forgot and hadn't looked at the schedule. The owner was very angry and told her to go home for the day and to report back tomorrow. She told difficult child it was her second written warning (she had been late once before due to them changing her schedule and difficult child not writing it down). difficult child also said she mentioned that a client complained about difficult child's hands shaking and not doing a good color job.

    I told her to just come home and to stay calm. I was afraid she would start drinking but she did come straight home. I suggested that she call her DBT therapist but she texted her instead. She is scared that she will lose this job. She asked me what was wrong with her that she couldn't hold down a job for more than a couple of months. I told her that she hadn't lost this one yet and that we would get a calendar so she can write down her schedule each week. I also told her that even if she loses the job it won't be the end of the world and that I was proud of her because she is really trying and husband and I can see the effort that she is making.

    She really needs help with her anxiety so her hands stop shaking. I told her that we would call the biofeedback people today and see if we could get her started. The psychiatrist that her DBT therapist wants her to see can't see her for six weeks so the DBT therapist is starting to work down her list of psychiatrists to see if she can get her in sooner.

    Please keep a good thought that difficult child keeps this job. It will really be a blow to her self confidence and a big set-back if she loses this job.

  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Holding good positive, warm and caring thoughts for your difficult child. And, hugs for Mom too................
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Positive thoughts going out.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I am hoping she gets to keep her job, and am sending good vibes and tender hugs her way. I'm concerned about her hands shaking, too - it's always a visible indication of her anxiety and it must be maddening for her. She's on a good course, and she's been steadily improving. She's learning good skills and you're right...if she does lose this job, it will be a setback for sure, but she will find another, as long as she stays sober, that's the important thing. I am sure she's learned that she has to keep some form of calendar to keep herself organized...we all do, that's for sure.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds so familar. difficult child has lost more jobs because she self sabotages as soon as things start going well. I find out later that she had been warned of things previously but of course to us she always said things were going well. It's very good that your difficult child recognizes this stage and hopefully can step back and regroup.

    My difficult child had/has a terrible time remembering her schedule. When she was living at home we marked it on the family calendar in the kitchen so she wouldn't forget, but of course sometimes she went out and just never made it to work. I think getting her a calendar that you can help her keep track on is good. I have also suggested to my difficult child and easy child alike that they set a cll phone alarm for meetings or unordinary appointments so they don't forget.

    I hope she gets in to her therapist and can talk about these issues and also finds some help for the anxiety, which I know can be very debilitating.

  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child went to work today and still has a job.

    I told difficult child that she should treat this as a learning experience and she agreed. She really likes working there so I know that she wants to keep this job.

    I hope she does, too . . . I like my spray tans. LOL

  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Whew! That's great, Kathy. I'm sure she's relieved...it's nice to have a second chance. It sounds like she appreciates the fact that she dodged a bullet this time, and keep those spray tans a'comin'!
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy, does she have a smart phone? I know she is on a prepaid plan but maybe you might want to consider getting her a cheaper smartphone. Actually, tell me which carrier she is with and I might have one around here that would work depending on which carrier she is with. But you can normally find a fairly cheap smartphone these days for prepaid accounts. She could put her weekly schedule on her smartphone with an app first and then into her calendar.

    For example...I have an Assistant app on my phone and I can turn it on if I am at the doctor's office and ask it if I have any other appts on that date. It says yes or not. If no, I tell it to book that date and time.

    Your daughter could tell it to set her schedule for m from x-y, t from x-y....etc.
  9. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    My difficult child uses the calendar on his phone all the time. It has helped him tremendously with his work schedules. Once in awhile he still has a problem with one of his bosses saying "I told you" but for the most part, he logs it into his phone calendar as he is being told dates and times.