Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tunaq, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. tunaq

    tunaq New Member

    for those who may not know or remember here is the original thread i posted http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21479

    so husband kept failing to call the school about the schedule change DSS was supposed to get (personally i believe he was hoping i would just get frustrated and e-mail them or call myself),he finally did it! he called the school yesterday and asked why his schedule had not been changed when they signed a contract and made him sign it too. he said he wanted to know why it had not been done, and the lady's response was "we have no idea sir." she said she would speak to the teachers and see what was going on, but she did have good news! she said hey had received the scores from the aptitude tests back. DSS normally barely breaks even with where he should be placing on the scoring, usually it is a bit low, to be totally honest. she said for the first time in a long time, he has shown signs of major improvement and based on aptitude scores alone, he would pass to the 9th grade! woohoo!:D downside is, they don't go solely based on those scores:(. if he fails 2 classes, he will not pass. DSS still does not get this so that battle continues, but i am still totally thrilled over the test scores and how he is improving!:D
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Tunaq - sounds like a good update overall. Love that husband finally stepped up and made the call. ;) Good for you for waiting him out.

    Sorry to hear that DSS is still wavering grade-wise, but at least you've got those scores to prove to him he *can* do it. To be honest, I really wish thank you had flunked a grade (or 10, LOL) because those are logical consequences. If you don't do the work, you don't pass. How smart you are doesn't matter. I know that's kind of a bizarre take on things (I remember when I would have been horrified if my kid hadn't passed a grade) but... perspective changes.

    Anyway - sounds like a positive update - hope it keeps up for your family!
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Good for husband!
    Glad that he is improving.
    I agree though. For us K is not the worst in the class and she is very smart, so she so far has slipped through the cracks... despite her struggles. The more troubled kids get more of the *time*. Which they need. But some of our kids kind of disappear at times in the school system.
    We as parents have to try and not let that happen.
    Good job to you and husband.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, that's good news! Both for your husband's followthrough, and your stepson's improved test scores.
    I hope you gave him a really good "atta boy." These kids need all the kudos they can get.
    I'll keep my fingers crossed for him.
  5. tunaq

    tunaq New Member

    so as of today after husband's call to the school last week, DSS has received the scedule changes the school agreed to! woohoo! husband has been making DSS responsible for his actions and things are looking up a bit. we did however bust DSS in some minor lies about feeding the dogs and little things though. i simply told husband DSS was jsut busted in a lie (i went to through something away and the dog food cans weren't in the trash) and he needed to deal with it. so he took away all his privledges for the night. when talking about everything, we found out he had made it a habit to not give them all of their food and lied about it quite often! husband was spending the day thinking of his punishment! it has been fabulous to not have to deal with all of it!
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That is really good news! husband is following through (at last) and the benefits will be long-term, if he can keep this up. And if you can keep it up too.

    Also great news about DSS's progress. Have you told him how pleased you are with his improvement? husband especially needs to tell him this. You give praise where it's due, even if you have to really look for oppotunities. Make the prase specific ("I am so proud of you for having improved your tests results, you must have really been concetrating hard.") You don't refer to anything negative in the same breath, either. Don't "connect" things. A bad thing is a bad thing, a good thing is a good thing. They cna be separate (should be).

    What I mean is, you don't say to him, "I'm pleased with your test results, you did really well. I just can't understand how a boy who is supposed to be bright could forget to feed the dog."

    Keep the issues apart. That way the praise can be unconditional.

    You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

    Great progress so far!

  7. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    thats great they followed thru!
    As for the aptitude scores..kep in mind sometimes certain types of testing might say someone has some ability, BUT so much can affect the ability day to day etc. Plus, I agree with what marg said, too.
  8. tunaq

    tunaq New Member

    we both did tell him that he did a great job and to keep up the great work.
    we did keep the dog issue seperate as well. we did all talk about it later and expressed how important it is that they to have a steady, constant diet, especially since the one has had serious healthy issues his entire life. when we got the poor dog from the shelter he was covered head to toe in ticks of all sizes. it took us 6 hours to de-tick him. after he recovered from that, he got parvo and they said it was mainly because he had a weakend immune system after the ticks and recovering from that,that he was more suseptible to health issues. so for him, he has a hard time gaining and keeping the weight on. so for him especially, his diet is important. DSS said he had just givien up on him because his weight fluctuates somuch that he didn't see the big deal. husband explained thats all the more reason it was so important is because of his wieght issues and that should also encourage him to want to feed him and take care of him properly, so he might get over these issues. DSS said he understood and i was left at that.

    so thursday is his birthday. my mom is keeping daughter for the evening and we are taking DSS to dinner and a movie of his choice. i am just hoping the evening goes well for us all.