Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PatriotsGirl, Nov 8, 2010.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well, difficult child called me this morning to tell me all kucka hit the fan at the apartment this morning and that cousin's boyfriend went off on both of them, calling them names, etc. I guess my neice and her boyfriend argue daily.

    Nana has already told her she can move back in with her if she lets dad and I take her dog back with us when we get up there next weekend.

    Me - I am doing the absolute best thing I can for her. Nothing. She has a choice - give up the dog and move back in with Nana or be homeless with the dog. Seems pretty simple to me. We already said we would take the dog back with us.

    I think (no, I know) she is holding out hope that she will be able to talk us into coming back with us. Not going to happen. Even if she had a place to stay here I wouldn't help bring her back here and back to the life she was living. Nope. She still has the choice to attend rehab and then she could try living with us again, but she keeps refusing so there is nothing more I can do. Some one asked her on Facebook when she was coming back here and she told them when she finds a ride. Good luck with that....
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh! Do you even want the dog?
    Good luck! I hope she picks rehab!
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    It's not the dog's fault his owner isn't thinking clearly ATM, I think it's great she's willing to take in the dog.
  4. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Sounds like a stressful weekend shaping up. Is she actually homeless? Or did the cousin's boyfriend just give them a verbal reaming-out?
    The important thing is that it sounds like you have a plan and your boundaries set. I hope your difficult child makes a good choice and moves in
    with Nana and sends the dog home with you.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    No, she isn't homeless, yet. But it is a matter of time before another blow out happens - they fight constantly. She canot take care of the dog, anyway. I let her take her with the plan that she was going to be living with my mother. The situation has changed and she needs to let me bring her dog back here until she is stable. Or, she can choose to go to rehab and try living back at home after. Her choice to make and she has to live with the consequences of that choice. But yes, my boundaries are set. I am not budging and I do not feel the slightest bit of guilt about that. That's a first for me.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Good for you. And honestly, it's awful nice of you to take the dog either way she jumps.......... I know it's not the dogs fault, but still, you're willing to take on something she was supposed to be responsible for.

    She can bunk with Katie at the dayton shelter. I hear they have plenty of room. ;)

    I hope she makes the right decision.

  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    She called me last night saying her cousin's boyfriend moved out and she was complaining to her cousin how they are supposed to get food now. Drives me absolutely bananas!!!!! She is still expecting every one else to take care of her. I know for a fact she has not looked for a job. Her excuse to me is that you have to be 18 to work everywhere. That is a load of bologna. There is a grocery store right next door to their apartment. I know they hire people younger than 18.
    I just sat and listened very nonchalantly and told her she needs to let me bring the dog back with me since she cannot even take care of herself, she cannot take care of the dog. Of course she is not wiling to let her go. I know in her warped mind she is still holding out until we get there and thinking we are going to bring her back, too. Not unless she commits to rehab. She is not getting it. Ah well. Hard life lesson here...
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    She is likely thinking you will be so worried about the dog that you will bring her back so you can make sure the dog is taken care of. On some level that has crossed her mind. NOT out of any thought for the dog, but because it is the one thing she does that get a response from you. You don't react to her cries of hunger and poverty, or her other koi. But you keep asking about the dog. She is NOT going to let that dog go unless you give her something she feels is valuable in exchange for the "privilege" of caring for her dog.

    I hope at some point she makes better choices.

    Kudos for not feeling bad. You have exactly NOTHING to feel bad about!!!!!!!!
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well, she did something yesterday. She got a library card, made a doctor's appointment for Friday morning and applied for food stamps. It's a start...