Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    First, I just wanted to let everyone know that DS's knee surgery went fine and he's doing great! We already see a big difference in the amount of swelling and pain in that joint. It's such a relief to see him feeling better. Thank you all for the well-wishes!

    Second, we have a date scheduled at the end of January for difficult child's caseworker and docs to meet to draft a "Total Service Plan" to try and address difficult child's issues. This is also good news...

    But I feel like it can't come soon enough!

    It was another holiday break from school spent "walking on eggshells". difficult child had a couple of near-meltdowns over absolutely stupid little things. So of course, I didn't want to risk "pushing it" by G-d forbid, asking her to do a chore or anything that required the slightest bit of effort. Sheesh!!! And she still goes on and on about what horrible, abusive people we are.

    Meanwhile, difficult child has not washed any undergarments in the past couple of months. She will take the occassional shower, and then must put the dirty clothing right back on.

    So "Santa" brought her some new underpants for the holidays. OK, well...that was more than a week ago - and it looks like none of those need washing either. UGH! I just want to shake her!

    At the same time, difficult child is now "in pursuit" of, I think, at least three different guys. And she's giving them the whole "O my parents are so abusive - I love you but we can't be together until you come and rescue me."

    So that scares me, to think that some hormone-crazed teenaged boy with his Daddy's gun is gonna show up on my doorstep looking to "save" difficult child.

    on the other hand - I think about the hygiene thing and difficult child arranging to have sex with these boys and I just cringe.


    Why does it always have to be so darn hard with these kids? Why can't she just put some small effort into doing the right thing...get a "normal" boyfriend-girlfriend relationship...and stop being so freaky all the time.

    I suppose that's asking too much...
  2. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    First, I'm really glad your DS's knee surgery went so well and he is doing great!!!

    Really wish I had the answer to why difficult children always have to make life so much more difficult then it needs to be too!!! I can relate to the dirty undergarments. When difficult child 1 was in middle school and the first couple years of high school, he didn't care if he showered, changed his clothing, underwear, combed his hair, etc... We used to have to force him to use deodorant/antiperspirant. We used to force him to take a shower. Although we could hear the water running, I doubt most of the time he even stepped inside the tub. He used to come out with dry hair. When we asked him about this, he just said his hair dries really quickly. Believe me, I know how much this rots!!!

    We didn't have to worry about him dating even when he was hypersexual. He was glued in front of his computer 24/7. His psychiatrist used to say that his computer was his "date." I wouldn't have been surprised to see him take his computer and place it on a chair across a table from him in a restaurant, lol... He will have graduated from high school two years this June. SURPRISE - He now showers!!! He's even had a girlfriend... If we could just get him to do something with his hair, lol... OK, I'm not pushing for miracles...

    Sorry!!! Haven't been around all that much lately and wasn't familiar enough with your situation when I first responded. After reading what you wrote in WC, I definitely agree with those who said to take away difficult child's electronics! I have to run - Time to pick up difficult child 2 at the library but I didn't want to leave my post the way it was originally written.

    Thinking of you... SFR
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2011
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok...I was somewhat joking on the other thread. It is pretty scary in these times that a girl is putting up what she is putting up on the web. I think that FB now has some way that people can locate you through google earth right down to your itty bitty house as you type. Of course, even if they dont, or you disable it, if the kid gives the address, the boy can simply google map it or google earth it and see what your laundry looks like drying on the line.

    I love to use the street view on google maps and just drive on down a street! Amazing.

    Ya know what? Maybe you should get a nice sign and put it up on your porch that says something about the property being guarded by a large dog and a man with a concealed weapon. Im pretty sure you can find one. That would show up the next time someone drives by your house to update the maps. Then if someone googles your house, they would see it!

    Do you have window alarms on your windows? I would get some. Also, I know you probably dont want a big dog but...you can invest in one of those big dog barker boxes. If some one comes to the door that you are afraid of...push the button and make it bark like hell. Yell...Down Killer, stop...I said Down....lol. Crack the door just a bit...while dog thingy is barking up a storm. Then slam the door again and talk through the door. Bet a fool who is just after a piece of teen rump wont be back.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet, I like your style!! Of course if your kid tells them it is just a barker box the game MIGHT be over, but then you can just borrow a dog for a couple of hours now and then and difficult child won't know if you will have a real dog or a barker box, lol.

    I have NO clue why anyone would want to be with a person who doesn't wash, but it happens all the time. One of difficult child's old elem school friends (and her four siblings) were ALL conceived while their mother was strung out, unbathed and disgusting 0 and usually charging $20 from each guy so she could get her meth/crack fix. NOT kidding. It ALL shows in each of the kids that their mother was nowhere NEAR clean or sober while she was preg. Having met the mom at a school function, all I can say is that the guys must be seriously desperate - but mental illness/addiction creates strange bedfellows.

    I hope you can keep some limits on your daughter - at the very least get the birth control implant!
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    To add to the big dog bit, doesn't hurt to get one of those HUGE dog bowls as a prop. If you have a friend with a large dog, get a nice large dog-safe bone and let their dog gnaw on it a bit. I had a ridgeback (like Jena's new pup) and she and her brother would drag up leftovers that poachers left in the woods across the street. Sometimes large leg bones from deer and wild pigs. Amazing how much fewer door to door people we got after those got splintered in short time and left along the driveway.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Actually, I have TWO dogs and they both have "big dog" barks - even though they are not as big as they sound. I've been considering getting "Beware of Dog" signs as an added deterrent...

    Yes, I agree - Google Earth is good and bad. It's nice to be able to find a new place by looking at the street view - but it's scary to know that anybody from anywhere can view a picture of your front door.

    Great ideas!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DF...I have a black and white pitbull in my yard. She is a baby and gentle as a lamb. Really doesnt bark that much at all. I have a 6 pound havanese dog in the house that thinks its a pitbull. They are actually colored almost identically but the havanese is long-haired. My little dog is the barker. If you come to the door, you would think some huge dog was coming to get you. I have had UPS guys run. He looks like a mop with legs. He doesnt bite at all, just barks. Well...he does keep the dogs in the yard in line. He is king of the yard and house. He was here first so he is Alpha dog. Funny as hell to watch him make a big old pitbull go down to the ground submissive.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A couple of years ago there was a thread here discussing internet security, and a member who shall remain nameless said her child knew how to use social networking safely; the child never revealed anything personal. This board member was quite insistent that they were safe. So husband "white-hatted" her and in half an hour he had their address, the real names of everyone in the family, photos of the cars (with licence plates) and some other very personal information. If husband had been prepared to pay a few dollars he could have also got social security numbers and drivers licence numbers. In half an hour. We PM'd the information. The only reason we were not able to also post a Google Earth link with a photo of their house, is the Google Earth car had not at that time been past their house.

    NEVER assume you have covered all your tracks.

    husband made it clear - we are friends and would never use the information (except to send a Christmas card, now we have the address!). In most situations, revealing this information to others is not really a problem. But our situations on this site are not normal, and we can't afford to be complacent.

    If your child doesn't "get" security, do what we did - get someone anonymous and far away to "white hat" you. Then show the kids. Let them know that if they offend someone online, offend the wrong person, the family could be in real danger.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Exactly Marg. Thats why I dont attempt to keep anything on here secret that I wouldnt be willing to put on the front page of the NY Times.

    I got myself surprised on time when someone else went into my old work computer, printed off a letter that I had written but never actually intended to send anywhere but never got to delete from that computer because of the way I left work, and they copied that letter and sent it to a small paper in a small town in NC. I found MY letter online with my full name, address and phone number on the internet. I was astounded. I just happened to google my name and up popped that letter! Oh my!

    Isnt there anymore thank heavens.

    I dont know, maybe Im stupid but I am not really afraid of people finding me. You would have to figure out how to get to me and its not so easy...UPS and the cops have a hard time. GPS is confused. Google earth and street view only show so much because we live in the country and down a really long dirt road. We have to go to the end of the driveway and wave the ambulance in...lol.

    I also have about 5 shotguns and a 30/30, plus the dogs to alert me.

    I more worry about identity theft but even there Im not so worried because they would probably help me...lol. I dont make much money and its gone almost as soon as I get it since I pay bills immediately.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The problem with identity theft, as we found, is that you can be worse off than no money. We had new credit cards arrive (replacement ones but the account was in the black) and when they arrived, someone else had maxed them out. We never did find out what happened, but it took some detective work on husband's part to prove it wasn't us.

    We went from just managing month by month, to having huge debts, all because someone stole our credit.

    As for finding you - the cops only have a hard time if they don't really put in effort. They have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. But a determines stalker - they can do a lot of damage.

    I also try to not put anything here that I would not be OK with having a wider circulation, but the problems for me are that the people who know me can sometimes choose to misunderstand what I have written. A local teacher who used to track down anything I had written, would print it off and take it to the school and share it around. Even an article I wrote praising the school and a new program there, managed to get twisted by this teacher into something sinister.

    A letter I wrote to difficult child 1's old principal, complaining about the deputy (who thankfully I did not name) was opened by that deputy, in front of me. That deputy then took my letter and showed it to other staff while saying, "You were helping this woman's son - see how she has repaid you." I had teachers whose help I had valued, start to attack me because they felt I had been unfair to them in my letter. Luckily I had brought my own copy which I then produced and said, "Show me where I have been unfair to you."
    But not all 'readers' will have the strength of character to confront you. There were others who never bothered to seek me out to clarify things.

    People twist things, sometimes without meaning to. How often have you read a thread of yours, and seen someone write something that has upset you? You post that you're upset, and then clarification indicates that you had no reason to get upset; you had misread the post. Not you personally, I mean any of us. It's because we often don't read as carefully as we should and especially if we're worried or upset about our child, we don't pay as close attention as we should. Misunderstandings happen with all of us.

    So go carefully.