Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pasajes4, May 7, 2015.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I received a letter from my son's caseworker last night. I got busy and forgot about it until this morning. I have been informed that my son will be released in June. He was not supposed to come home until the end of August.

    This is not good news. All of the services he is to access are scheduled for the end of August. It took months to schedule things. It was a stroke of luck to get services to coincide with the August release. There are huge waiting lists, and I doubt that things can be moved up to June. Two months with nada = hades for me.

    My stomach hurts.
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member


    There is this: You have three weeks to practice detachment and self care. You will figure the services thing out.

    We are here. Everything is going to work out as it is going to work out. The only thing you can do is your part.

    That will be enough.

  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh wow, pasajes4. Why does life keep kicking us in the gut?
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Pas, I'm sorry. I have found that they ALWAYS get out early of wherever they are. Those folks don't want to keep them either! (small joke there, lol)

    I am sure the expense of it all is usually the #1 factor.

    The problem is, like you said, there is very little coordination of services. Is there someone there who can help you coordinate the transition?

    Bring in all the resources you can find to help, so it's not all on you.

    Keep us posted.
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. I know that sick to the stomach feeling all too well. I hope you are able to find a place for him. When we were going through all the chaos with our son he was orderd into a group home because the judge felt our safety was a at risk. I don't know if that's an option for you.
    I am not completly familiar with your story so I don't know all that you have tried to do. We worked with state case workers who helped us to navigate through it all.
    I'm keeping good thoughts for you and sending you ((HUGS))
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I have put in a call to his local parole officer. He was 17 when the ball got rolling. I am not sure, now that he is 18, if I will be able to do much of anything. I know that his caseworker was aware of the timeline. I swear they do this $#!% on purpose. I truly believe parole is setup to make sure they fail.
  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    That's a tough one for sure.

    Just remember you can only do what you are comfortable with. You know your son better than anyone. He is still young enough that he could turn it around, of course my son is 33 and I still feel he can turn it around.

    My son has been in jail/prison several times. Hubby and I paid rent for him because we knew we couldn't have him back in our home. I don't know if that's an option for you. Nothine elaborate, just an efficiancy apt.

    Hang in there, you will get through this!!
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Things just get better and better. He will not be on parole when he gets out. This is good news for him, but not for me. It would have given me a little leverage. The parole officer said my son would have to be the one to contact the various agencies to make any changes. I just emailed his caseworker with the information and very nicely asked her to over the information with kiddo. Since he is 18, he can refuse the services.
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Pasa, oh boy, I'm sorry.....with all of the best intentions, it can still (and will) all go awry. My daughter was ALWAYS released early as well. The part about now being 18 is a really important point, even with it all set up, he can refuse services. So, YOU have a month or so to figure out how YOU are going to respond to him and this new information. Where is he supposed to live in August? What are the other services for him in August?

    Sending big hugs..........
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The services are mental health, an independent living program, and vocational training to finish his certification in welding.
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is there anyone in the system who can help to guide you? The caseworker? Social Services? Sorry if I'm asking you to repeat stuff you already noted on an older post, my memory ain't what it used to be!!
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am contacting every agency and person I can think of.
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have you tried NAMI? They had an enormous array of resources in the area office near where I am, in fact, I was amazed at how much they could help.
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I have a appointment on Monday. I just hope that he is willing to do something with his life. I am not holding my breath.
  15. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I hope they will be able to offer you some help and direction.
  16. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They helped me a lot. However, my daughter never availed herself to any resources made available to her by me, or by NAMI.
    I hope your son has a different response to what is offered to him.
  17. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Long shot?

    United Way. In some states, they are still: 211 In others, you would need to go online and find the local chapter in your area. This will be a referral source for you. They will refer you to other organizations. I went through them ~ I go through them whenever someone is in trouble. It generally turns into a series of referrals that don't pan out.

    But sometimes, they do.

    I found potential housing for daughter through them, the last time it was a bad time.

    It is worth a shot.

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  18. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your suggestions. I am willing to hunt down resources this time. I am doing it for me. I do not want him home one minute more than necessary. I do not believe it would be good for either one of us. I am also doing it so that I will not look back and feel guilty for not trying to finding resources for him to get a hand up and not a hand out.
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  19. 4Tall

    4Tall Member

    Just wondering why he is going to live at home with you, now that he has reached adulthood? If he didn't have that option, would the jail system help give him other options?
  20. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    The Salvation Army might also be an option.