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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 659491" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Thank you, ladies. You have helped me make sense out of this craziness. I have been going round and round, and I was a real mess after we had lunch this weekend. "Am I being vindictive? Am I being selfish? Why shouldn't we help him with tuition--going back to school is a GOOD thing..." etc. I was at one point in tears on the way home, despite having a nice lunch and seeing Difficult Child with light in his eyes and his hopes high. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is a good point, SuZir. And at that point it would be too late to rebel and reject!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks COM. Yes, bitter! The normal give and take (or just give) that makes parenting so much fun is something we must constantly analyze before we engage, and that just really sucks sometimes. We WANT them to fly, and we WANT to be able to just show them a little parent love now and again...but we can't show or they won't fly. For whatever reason, the two don't go together for our DCs. It is like walking through a minefield. Best not to even set foot on it. But isn't it sad and exhausting sometimes?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks RE. This is what left me in such a wreck after lunch. When I cut all of the ties that I thought were loving, what is left? It makes no sense, but it is what is best for him, and for us. When I cut all ties, all that is left is love.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks Echo. That is exactly what husband said when I was crying on the way home..."I don't understand why, but the best way to help Difficult Child is to NOT help Difficult Child. We know that. We've seen it too many times."</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks Tish. I did not think of it as protection, but that is the word for it. Not vindictiveness, or cruelty, or selfishness, or any of those other horribles I have been ruminating about. I think we have all earned the right to protect ourselves. Very sad, but oddly enough the right thing to do, for us and for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 659491, member: 17720"] Thank you, ladies. You have helped me make sense out of this craziness. I have been going round and round, and I was a real mess after we had lunch this weekend. "Am I being vindictive? Am I being selfish? Why shouldn't we help him with tuition--going back to school is a GOOD thing..." etc. I was at one point in tears on the way home, despite having a nice lunch and seeing Difficult Child with light in his eyes and his hopes high. That is a good point, SuZir. And at that point it would be too late to rebel and reject! Thanks COM. Yes, bitter! The normal give and take (or just give) that makes parenting so much fun is something we must constantly analyze before we engage, and that just really sucks sometimes. We WANT them to fly, and we WANT to be able to just show them a little parent love now and again...but we can't show or they won't fly. For whatever reason, the two don't go together for our DCs. It is like walking through a minefield. Best not to even set foot on it. But isn't it sad and exhausting sometimes? Thanks RE. This is what left me in such a wreck after lunch. When I cut all of the ties that I thought were loving, what is left? It makes no sense, but it is what is best for him, and for us. When I cut all ties, all that is left is love. Thanks Echo. That is exactly what husband said when I was crying on the way home..."I don't understand why, but the best way to help Difficult Child is to NOT help Difficult Child. We know that. We've seen it too many times." Thanks Tish. I did not think of it as protection, but that is the word for it. Not vindictiveness, or cruelty, or selfishness, or any of those other horribles I have been ruminating about. I think we have all earned the right to protect ourselves. Very sad, but oddly enough the right thing to do, for us and for them. [/QUOTE]
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