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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682553" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Colleen this is from your February 12 post. Please do not be upset with me, I remembered reading it and thought to myself, didn't this just happen?</p><p></p><p>I am not judging you, none of us have that "right" , we are not experts, just moms and dads who care because of the similar situations that have brought us all together here. What ever we write comes from the heart of one who understands.</p><p></p><p>That being written, I am hoping that you will take a bit of time to breathe and think this through. Not to urge you to change your mind. It is up to you how you move forward and remedy this. I know this is difficult enough, and one day at a time is all we can handle. But, perhaps you could think on what your plan is if your son comes to you again with this same matter.</p><p></p><p>I am writing this because we went through years of helping our two. In retrospect, I would have done things differently, but whats done, is done. The only thing I can do with the memories of it all, is try to make better choices for the present and future, and share a bit here, <em>so something good</em> <em>may come of the experiences. </em></p><p></p><p>My two were very clever at hiding the truth. It was what I wanted to believe, but in the long run, I have learned that when addiction speaks it is purely to continue on the same path. Addiction drives our kids and us to desperate levels. They are our beloveds, and we would go to the ends of the earth to make things right again. <em>They know this.</em></p><p></p><p>My daughter <em>to this day will deny being an addict</em>.</p><p>She has moments of clarity, depression, manic behavior. Lives on the streets, hangs out with meth users. There is a man up the road from us, who has been using meth for quite some time, his body and face showing the telltale signs. I know his wife, she has been caught up in this ordeal and is very afraid of his psychotic outbursts, destruction of their home etc.</p><p></p><p>My daughter, last told me- "He is a really smart, nice person, I go to him for advice, I feel really badly, because he has stomach cancer."</p><p>She told me this with the most sincerest, tear moistened, shaky voiced <em>performance</em>.</p><p>I was disgusted, it is an insult to all who have suffered from cancer that she would use this to attribute to his physical decline. He does not have stomach cancer, he is a drug addict.</p><p></p><p>So is my daughter. My daughter, who will look me straight in the eye and deny it. But, hang out with the shadiest looking characters and live on the streets.</p><p></p><p>It is because she is telling me what she thinks I want to believe, so that she can continue on her path, and have us enable her. I am done with enabling her. It is hard, but it is her choice to continue as is. There is nothing, nothing I can do to convince her otherwise. I love her, but I have had to accept that, and it is the hardest thing.</p><p></p><p>CD is wonderful not only from the help we get here, but because it is a journal of our pain and heartache and the comfort we receive, but most importantly, a timeline of events. I can recall a lot of things that went on through the years but really didn't journal about it then, we were going from one chaotic drama to the next while trying to live our daily lives. It all just translates now to a jumbled mess of <em>enough</em>. So, it is good that you are here as this situation is playing out, because you have this timeline. It is very hard to think with a clear head when our hearts are so caught up in the whirlwind of it all, going from one level of madness to feeling almost normal, to the next level of madness. We become dazed and confused. It is the definition of trauma at the highest peak ever. I have come to the conclusion that dazed and confused is where addicts would like us to stay.</p><p></p><p>I understand your extreme distress and wanting to protect your son. So, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable, and be able to look yourself in the mirror. This is your journey, your son, your family. What works for some, may not work for others.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you are faced with this. It is so very hard. My father was very sick with a terminal illness as my two were caught up with their addiction. It is an unimaginable torture to have to burn the candle at both ends.</p><p></p><p>I understand your decision. I am not sharing this to add to your pain, Lord knows you have enough on your plate. I hope your son is sincere and will finish his term and get out of this business. I am glad that you are considering this a loan, and expect him to pay you back.</p><p></p><p>My heart and thoughts go out to you, as you travel this difficult journey. No judgement, just concern for you and your sanity through all of this. It is an incredible internal struggle. Know that you are held and what I have written is from my experience. I pray that your son will wake up from this madness.</p><p></p><p>We are all here for you no matter what.</p><p>I pray your son sees the light and appreciates this chance that you are again so lovingly and heart-fully giving him. I know that you must have incredible mixed feelings and it is agonizing.</p><p>Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Do not fear judgement, for I truly believe that none of us has <em>that in mind. </em></p><p>Just replying with our own experiences and out of deep concern for a fellow warrior moms health and heart.</p><p></p><p>Take care Colleen and know that you are not alone and you are held by so many others who understand the pain and hardship.</p><p></p><p>My prayers go out to you, your family and your son.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682553, member: 19522"] Colleen this is from your February 12 post. Please do not be upset with me, I remembered reading it and thought to myself, didn't this just happen? I am not judging you, none of us have that "right" , we are not experts, just moms and dads who care because of the similar situations that have brought us all together here. What ever we write comes from the heart of one who understands. That being written, I am hoping that you will take a bit of time to breathe and think this through. Not to urge you to change your mind. It is up to you how you move forward and remedy this. I know this is difficult enough, and one day at a time is all we can handle. But, perhaps you could think on what your plan is if your son comes to you again with this same matter. I am writing this because we went through years of helping our two. In retrospect, I would have done things differently, but whats done, is done. The only thing I can do with the memories of it all, is try to make better choices for the present and future, and share a bit here, [I]so something good[/I] [I]may come of the experiences. [/I] My two were very clever at hiding the truth. It was what I wanted to believe, but in the long run, I have learned that when addiction speaks it is purely to continue on the same path. Addiction drives our kids and us to desperate levels. They are our beloveds, and we would go to the ends of the earth to make things right again. [I]They know this.[/I] My daughter [I]to this day will deny being an addict[/I]. She has moments of clarity, depression, manic behavior. Lives on the streets, hangs out with meth users. There is a man up the road from us, who has been using meth for quite some time, his body and face showing the telltale signs. I know his wife, she has been caught up in this ordeal and is very afraid of his psychotic outbursts, destruction of their home etc. My daughter, last told me- "He is a really smart, nice person, I go to him for advice, I feel really badly, because he has stomach cancer." She told me this with the most sincerest, tear moistened, shaky voiced [I]performance[/I]. I was disgusted, it is an insult to all who have suffered from cancer that she would use this to attribute to his physical decline. He does not have stomach cancer, he is a drug addict. So is my daughter. My daughter, who will look me straight in the eye and deny it. But, hang out with the shadiest looking characters and live on the streets. It is because she is telling me what she thinks I want to believe, so that she can continue on her path, and have us enable her. I am done with enabling her. It is hard, but it is her choice to continue as is. There is nothing, nothing I can do to convince her otherwise. I love her, but I have had to accept that, and it is the hardest thing. CD is wonderful not only from the help we get here, but because it is a journal of our pain and heartache and the comfort we receive, but most importantly, a timeline of events. I can recall a lot of things that went on through the years but really didn't journal about it then, we were going from one chaotic drama to the next while trying to live our daily lives. It all just translates now to a jumbled mess of [I]enough[/I]. So, it is good that you are here as this situation is playing out, because you have this timeline. It is very hard to think with a clear head when our hearts are so caught up in the whirlwind of it all, going from one level of madness to feeling almost normal, to the next level of madness. We become dazed and confused. It is the definition of trauma at the highest peak ever. I have come to the conclusion that dazed and confused is where addicts would like us to stay. I understand your extreme distress and wanting to protect your son. So, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable, and be able to look yourself in the mirror. This is your journey, your son, your family. What works for some, may not work for others. I am so sorry that you are faced with this. It is so very hard. My father was very sick with a terminal illness as my two were caught up with their addiction. It is an unimaginable torture to have to burn the candle at both ends. I understand your decision. I am not sharing this to add to your pain, Lord knows you have enough on your plate. I hope your son is sincere and will finish his term and get out of this business. I am glad that you are considering this a loan, and expect him to pay you back. My heart and thoughts go out to you, as you travel this difficult journey. No judgement, just concern for you and your sanity through all of this. It is an incredible internal struggle. Know that you are held and what I have written is from my experience. I pray that your son will wake up from this madness. We are all here for you no matter what. I pray your son sees the light and appreciates this chance that you are again so lovingly and heart-fully giving him. I know that you must have incredible mixed feelings and it is agonizing. Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Do not fear judgement, for I truly believe that none of us has [I]that in mind. [/I] Just replying with our own experiences and out of deep concern for a fellow warrior moms health and heart. Take care Colleen and know that you are not alone and you are held by so many others who understand the pain and hardship. My prayers go out to you, your family and your son. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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