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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 682898" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>We ended up giving him some money, and made it very clear it is a loan, and this situation will not happen again. </p><p></p><p>He promised his father he is done dealing. </p><p></p><p>I honestly don't know what to beleive or even hope for at this point. I feel I'm in daily survival mode. I can't continue this way for much longer, I know this. He has two more weeks of classes, then he has to find a job. I don't know if he can even handle a legit one anymore. I feel the drugs and dealing have made him lazy, and unreliable. </p><p></p><p>We have a social invite tonight and I've already decided I can't go. Listening to friends talk about their child's scholarships or academic successes is just too painful right now. I can't even pretend to be happy for them , as I'm too sad for myself. I know I sound selfish and horrible. I feel that way right now. </p><p></p><p>I used to be such a positive and outgoing person. I love people and being around them. Now I just want to hide in my house, and I feel so little joy in life. I am still usually positive at work, but it's so draining when I get home I can't even get off the couch. I don't want my students to suffer so I make sure they are my priority at school, but it takes all my energy, so by the end of my days I am just wiped out. </p><p></p><p>I feel that my personal life is so flat. I don't want to see anyone or be around anyone. </p><p></p><p>I am talking to my doctor, and she has put me on anti depressants. They have helped me do my job, but I still can't really do anything else. I feel numb most days. </p><p></p><p>I just want to be myself again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 682898, member: 19887"] We ended up giving him some money, and made it very clear it is a loan, and this situation will not happen again. He promised his father he is done dealing. I honestly don't know what to beleive or even hope for at this point. I feel I'm in daily survival mode. I can't continue this way for much longer, I know this. He has two more weeks of classes, then he has to find a job. I don't know if he can even handle a legit one anymore. I feel the drugs and dealing have made him lazy, and unreliable. We have a social invite tonight and I've already decided I can't go. Listening to friends talk about their child's scholarships or academic successes is just too painful right now. I can't even pretend to be happy for them , as I'm too sad for myself. I know I sound selfish and horrible. I feel that way right now. I used to be such a positive and outgoing person. I love people and being around them. Now I just want to hide in my house, and I feel so little joy in life. I am still usually positive at work, but it's so draining when I get home I can't even get off the couch. I don't want my students to suffer so I make sure they are my priority at school, but it takes all my energy, so by the end of my days I am just wiped out. I feel that my personal life is so flat. I don't want to see anyone or be around anyone. I am talking to my doctor, and she has put me on anti depressants. They have helped me do my job, but I still can't really do anything else. I feel numb most days. I just want to be myself again. [/QUOTE]
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