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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682927" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Colleen, I am sorry that things are so rough for you. This is the hardest thing to go through.</p><p> I do understand the daily survival mode, it is hard to keep on keeping on with so much on your mind and heart.</p><p>Try not to write the end of the story for your son. Yes, drugs turn our kids into something that they are not, but if they want to, they can get clean and go back to finding their purpose and meaning.</p><p>I hope your son takes this chance to break free from all of this.</p><p> Colleen, I understand this feeling. I am trying to lift myself up as well. One thing that helps me is walking. Although you probably don't feel much like doing anything, a bit of exercise releases endorphins and helps to clear the mind. I don't know if the weather in your area permits, but even taking a yoga class or something, <em>anything </em>to get moving and get your mind on YOU. You deserve to live your life, regardless of what your sons choices are. I am talking to myself here, too. I have hit the proverbial wall with my d cs situation, too. SIGH. <em>Anything </em>you can find to lift your spirits. A nice long hot bath. A good book. Listening to music you enjoy. A hobby, do you have any hobbies you enjoy? It does our children no good if we go down with them. When they get well, there will be nothing left of us.</p><p>Our sacrificing our lives will not save them.</p><p> I have felt like this as well. It is hard to be around people when energy level is so low, or all thoughts are on what is going on with our d cs. I have to work hard at not blurting out my sorrows. What a conversation stopper.......That is why I am here so often, it helps me to get it out, and relieves my good friends of their "therapist" role. UGH.</p><p> I went through the numbness over the holidays. It was paralyzing, for sure. It is a normal reaction to the intense pain of all of this.</p><p>Be very kind and gentle with yourself. Take baby steps. Sometimes making simple goals for yourself help, little mundane <em>easy tasks. </em>Anything to try to get the focus <em>where it belongs, on you. </em>This may sound selfish. It is not. Self care is so very important. </p><p></p><p>After reading so many posts here, and from my own experience, I feel that our d cs are subconsciously intent on keeping us in this state of numbness and FOG.</p><p> It is because here in the FOG and depression, we are turned upside down and <em>neglect ourselves.</em></p><p></p><p>In this state of mind, we can't think clearly and make good decisions. </p><p>Everything becomes blurred and topsy turvy.</p><p></p><p>We are sleep deprived, joy deprived and self deprived.</p><p></p><p>Our focus is on the kids, how can we help them, when will this stop, where is the relief? </p><p></p><p>The reality is, if we cannot even help ourselves, we cannot even begin to truly help our kids.</p><p></p><p>I am writing to myself as much as I am writing to you dear sister.</p><p></p><p>So, here goes,</p><p><em> to me and to you.</em></p><p>If we really want to help the kids, this state of mind, this FOG, numbness,</p><p>WILL NOT HELP THEM.</p><p></p><p>It only serves one thing, <em>to further the madness of their choices.</em></p><p>It is an infection.</p><p>We are infected by being <em>so badly affected by their choices.</em></p><p></p><p>Out, it must go, this infection,</p><p><em>if we are going to have any chance of helping the kids.</em></p><p></p><p>I am talking about helping, <em>not enabling</em>.</p><p></p><p>I am talking about being a living, breathing, walking example of how life works.</p><p></p><p>I am talking about<em> finding our fire, our spark, what drives us to find our purpose and meaning.</em></p><p>This has nothing to do with what the kids are doing</p><p>and<em> has everything to do with us.</em></p><p></p><p>Really, the kids have sunk to a low level of living,</p><p>and <em>we have followed them with our broken hearts and minds.</em></p><p></p><p>Stop.</p><p></p><p>Find a way to lift up.</p><p>We are piloting our planes and flying dangerously low to the ground.</p><p>If we crash, <em>it does nothing for the kids.</em></p><p></p><p>It is the oxygen mask that suddenly pops out from the ceiling</p><p> and the instructions are to <em>put your mask on first</em></p><p><em>then the kids,</em></p><p>we cannot do anything for them, <em>if we pass out with this.</em></p><p></p><p>Put your oxygen mask on.</p><p></p><p>Do anything that helps you breathe.</p><p></p><p>Know that the broken, oxygen deprived you cannot do anything for your son.</p><p>The broken me, does not do anything for my daughters.</p><p></p><p>Small steps to try and untangle yourself from all of this.</p><p>It is like a big old ball of tangled up yarn.</p><p>One small move at a time, to untangle.</p><p>Your son is not doing it for himself</p><p>Neither are my daughters.</p><p><em>So, it is up to us, to escape from the tangled up mess.</em></p><p></p><p>That is the paralysis and the numbness, <em>we are so wrapped up in what the kids are doing.</em></p><p><em>We need to somehow untangle ourselves and take a step back to breathe </em></p><p><em>and see the situation for what it is. </em></p><p></p><p>You can do this, Colleen.</p><p> If not for yourself, for your son.</p><p>You do no good for him, by throwing your life away with the pain and sorrow of this.</p><p>One day, one step at a time.</p><p>Turn the sorrow around to determination.</p><p>Determination to rise above all of this and to live your life as best you can.</p><p>I know you have taught your kids that action speaks louder than words, and to live as an example.</p><p></p><p>Be the example.</p><p></p><p>Work hard to be the strongest you.</p><p></p><p>The strongest you, is what will help your son.</p><p></p><p>The you, that says I will not go down with this.</p><p>By saying "I will not go down with this" you are doing the best thing for your son.</p><p>You are showing him, by your actions, <em>that it is possible for him to rise above.</em></p><p></p><p>You are the living, breathing example of rising above.</p><p></p><p>Pull up your plane, Colleen.</p><p>And I will pull up mine.</p><p>One day, one step at a time.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682927, member: 19522"] Hi Colleen, I am sorry that things are so rough for you. This is the hardest thing to go through. I do understand the daily survival mode, it is hard to keep on keeping on with so much on your mind and heart. Try not to write the end of the story for your son. Yes, drugs turn our kids into something that they are not, but if they want to, they can get clean and go back to finding their purpose and meaning. I hope your son takes this chance to break free from all of this. Colleen, I understand this feeling. I am trying to lift myself up as well. One thing that helps me is walking. Although you probably don't feel much like doing anything, a bit of exercise releases endorphins and helps to clear the mind. I don't know if the weather in your area permits, but even taking a yoga class or something, [I]anything [/I]to get moving and get your mind on YOU. You deserve to live your life, regardless of what your sons choices are. I am talking to myself here, too. I have hit the proverbial wall with my d cs situation, too. SIGH. [I]Anything [/I]you can find to lift your spirits. A nice long hot bath. A good book. Listening to music you enjoy. A hobby, do you have any hobbies you enjoy? It does our children no good if we go down with them. When they get well, there will be nothing left of us. Our sacrificing our lives will not save them. I have felt like this as well. It is hard to be around people when energy level is so low, or all thoughts are on what is going on with our d cs. I have to work hard at not blurting out my sorrows. What a conversation stopper.......That is why I am here so often, it helps me to get it out, and relieves my good friends of their "therapist" role. UGH. I went through the numbness over the holidays. It was paralyzing, for sure. It is a normal reaction to the intense pain of all of this. Be very kind and gentle with yourself. Take baby steps. Sometimes making simple goals for yourself help, little mundane [I]easy tasks. [/I]Anything to try to get the focus [I]where it belongs, on you. [/I]This may sound selfish. It is not. Self care is so very important. After reading so many posts here, and from my own experience, I feel that our d cs are subconsciously intent on keeping us in this state of numbness and FOG. It is because here in the FOG and depression, we are turned upside down and [I]neglect ourselves.[/I] In this state of mind, we can't think clearly and make good decisions. Everything becomes blurred and topsy turvy. We are sleep deprived, joy deprived and self deprived. Our focus is on the kids, how can we help them, when will this stop, where is the relief? The reality is, if we cannot even help ourselves, we cannot even begin to truly help our kids. I am writing to myself as much as I am writing to you dear sister. So, here goes, [I] to me and to you.[/I] If we really want to help the kids, this state of mind, this FOG, numbness, WILL NOT HELP THEM. It only serves one thing, [I]to further the madness of their choices.[/I] It is an infection. We are infected by being [I]so badly affected by their choices.[/I] Out, it must go, this infection, [I]if we are going to have any chance of helping the kids.[/I] I am talking about helping, [I]not enabling[/I]. I am talking about being a living, breathing, walking example of how life works. I am talking about[I] finding our fire, our spark, what drives us to find our purpose and meaning.[/I] This has nothing to do with what the kids are doing and[I] has everything to do with us.[/I] Really, the kids have sunk to a low level of living, and [I]we have followed them with our broken hearts and minds.[/I] Stop. Find a way to lift up. We are piloting our planes and flying dangerously low to the ground. If we crash, [I]it does nothing for the kids.[/I] It is the oxygen mask that suddenly pops out from the ceiling and the instructions are to [I]put your mask on first then the kids,[/I] we cannot do anything for them, [I]if we pass out with this.[/I] Put your oxygen mask on. Do anything that helps you breathe. Know that the broken, oxygen deprived you cannot do anything for your son. The broken me, does not do anything for my daughters. Small steps to try and untangle yourself from all of this. It is like a big old ball of tangled up yarn. One small move at a time, to untangle. Your son is not doing it for himself Neither are my daughters. [I]So, it is up to us, to escape from the tangled up mess.[/I] That is the paralysis and the numbness, [I]we are so wrapped up in what the kids are doing. We need to somehow untangle ourselves and take a step back to breathe and see the situation for what it is. [/I] You can do this, Colleen. If not for yourself, for your son. You do no good for him, by throwing your life away with the pain and sorrow of this. One day, one step at a time. Turn the sorrow around to determination. Determination to rise above all of this and to live your life as best you can. I know you have taught your kids that action speaks louder than words, and to live as an example. Be the example. Work hard to be the strongest you. The strongest you, is what will help your son. The you, that says I will not go down with this. By saying "I will not go down with this" you are doing the best thing for your son. You are showing him, by your actions, [I]that it is possible for him to rise above.[/I] You are the living, breathing example of rising above. Pull up your plane, Colleen. And I will pull up mine. One day, one step at a time. (((HUGS))) leafy [I] [/I] [I] [/I] [/QUOTE]
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