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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 705552" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>So the holidays are over... I survived my fathers visit, and even managed to have a good remainder of the week. I basically avoided my father. My son never did see him again that week. </p><p></p><p>I am struggling this week however. Spent time the last two days with oldest son. Yesterday he seemed fine, even told me he is considering therapy, something he has never willingly agreeded to before. But then today (it's four am) so really yesterday... we went to visit some family together and he was very distracted and seemed down. </p><p></p><p>I am so percoeptive to his moods that I've not slept all night, and skipped my book club, not being able to face friends tonight. </p><p></p><p>I am playing the "what if" tapes in my head again, reliving the past five years and all the choices he made as well as the ones I made. I'm sure some of you know this game well... </p><p></p><p>I don't know how to deal with my feelings of regret, of dossapointment, of sadness and anxiety about his future. </p><p></p><p>Every text or phone call he makes I picture a drug deal, or worse. I feel like I have something like PTSD from this whole thing, and that I will never really be ok. I still feel so sad , even though I'm not in anti depressants this winter for th me first time in a long time, -and I really don't want to go on them again. </p><p></p><p>I know I'm rambling.... I know I need therapy, and probably medications again.... but I'm feeling stuck and almost paralyzed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 705552, member: 19887"] So the holidays are over... I survived my fathers visit, and even managed to have a good remainder of the week. I basically avoided my father. My son never did see him again that week. I am struggling this week however. Spent time the last two days with oldest son. Yesterday he seemed fine, even told me he is considering therapy, something he has never willingly agreeded to before. But then today (it's four am) so really yesterday... we went to visit some family together and he was very distracted and seemed down. I am so percoeptive to his moods that I've not slept all night, and skipped my book club, not being able to face friends tonight. I am playing the "what if" tapes in my head again, reliving the past five years and all the choices he made as well as the ones I made. I'm sure some of you know this game well... I don't know how to deal with my feelings of regret, of dossapointment, of sadness and anxiety about his future. Every text or phone call he makes I picture a drug deal, or worse. I feel like I have something like PTSD from this whole thing, and that I will never really be ok. I still feel so sad , even though I'm not in anti depressants this winter for th me first time in a long time, -and I really don't want to go on them again. I know I'm rambling.... I know I need therapy, and probably medications again.... but I'm feeling stuck and almost paralyzed. [/QUOTE]
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