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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 705570" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>I do agree I need support, and I will look into therapy for me. The hard part is that I am a counsellor myself, and this is a small town....so I know many of them personally. Makes it rough to establish a trust.</p><p></p><p>My son is not dangerous, although he has been manipulative for sure. Especially when using hard drugs. Since he has come off the hard drug use, we have seen more of our "real son". He spent lots of time with his young cousins this Christmas, and was wonderful with them. He has a real gift with children, and I hope he can someday work with them. He worked for a year as a teacher's aid, and he was so good with the behaviour kids, they hired him as a behaviour mentor with a group of four brothers who were very difficult. He says that is the only time in the last five years he was truely sober, and felt good about himself.</p><p></p><p>He says his focus is on getting healthy right now, and he seems sincere. He is actually such a gentle and caring soul, and I sometimes think the world has him beat down. Maybe you see it as me making excuses, but I really don't. He has always had empathy, from a very young age, and worried about others all the time. I think his drug use came from trying to numb his feelings, as they have always been intense. </p><p></p><p>I think I have struggled with anxiety/depression myself since I was young...having had clinical depression in my 20s during my parents ugly divorce. I also had bouts in early mothering. I have been better this winter than any other one, but it is still always there...lingering. I am off this week, and to be honest, being alone is not so good for me. I will be better once I"m back to work, and busy with my students. I find peace with working with kids, and find great personal satisfaction in my job. I am one of the lucky ones I guess. </p><p></p><p>I think I am just so perceptive, that when my son is sad, I feel it. Now that he doesn't live here, it is much better. Last night is the first night in a long time I was up all night, and crying. That used to be my normal last year. </p><p></p><p>I think baby steps....and today's will be finding a counsellor....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 705570, member: 19887"] I do agree I need support, and I will look into therapy for me. The hard part is that I am a counsellor myself, and this is a small town....so I know many of them personally. Makes it rough to establish a trust. My son is not dangerous, although he has been manipulative for sure. Especially when using hard drugs. Since he has come off the hard drug use, we have seen more of our "real son". He spent lots of time with his young cousins this Christmas, and was wonderful with them. He has a real gift with children, and I hope he can someday work with them. He worked for a year as a teacher's aid, and he was so good with the behaviour kids, they hired him as a behaviour mentor with a group of four brothers who were very difficult. He says that is the only time in the last five years he was truely sober, and felt good about himself. He says his focus is on getting healthy right now, and he seems sincere. He is actually such a gentle and caring soul, and I sometimes think the world has him beat down. Maybe you see it as me making excuses, but I really don't. He has always had empathy, from a very young age, and worried about others all the time. I think his drug use came from trying to numb his feelings, as they have always been intense. I think I have struggled with anxiety/depression myself since I was young...having had clinical depression in my 20s during my parents ugly divorce. I also had bouts in early mothering. I have been better this winter than any other one, but it is still always there...lingering. I am off this week, and to be honest, being alone is not so good for me. I will be better once I"m back to work, and busy with my students. I find peace with working with kids, and find great personal satisfaction in my job. I am one of the lucky ones I guess. I think I am just so perceptive, that when my son is sad, I feel it. Now that he doesn't live here, it is much better. Last night is the first night in a long time I was up all night, and crying. That used to be my normal last year. I think baby steps....and today's will be finding a counsellor.... [/QUOTE]
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