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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 748624" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I want to respond to this. I am not the same person as I was before my mother died. People break. And then they heal. They are never the same as before. But they can't be. They come together again in another way that fits the learning and doing and the loss of parts, that needs to be accommodated. This is not necessarily such a bad thing. Uncomfortable, yes.</p><p>I think this is very wise and brave. </p><p></p><p>I am this way too. I prefer out of site out of mind. I believe that I could have searched for other solutions with my son 7 or 8 years ago when I kicked him out. But I listened to others with the "throw him in the deep end of the pool," mentality. It did not work.</p><p></p><p>But I did not at that time have the resources to deal with the person my son was manifesting. I still don't.</p><p></p><p>I think what is needed is the capacity to feel broken. To break and break and break and to not break down.</p><p></p><p>I think this is where you are New Leaf. It is a special kind of stength, to let go of the security of being right, of knowing anything, of wanting anything. It's going out on a limb with only love. </p><p></p><p>I don't think I'm there yet, because I am still hanging onto my conditions. My conditions are the figleaves that keep me virtuous, which in my case, means I hold out. I hold back. It is kind of a dissociation. To not feel how horribly vulnerable I feel. How vulnerable I am.</p><p></p><p>I think you are brave New Leaf. Nobody deserves the position you find yourself in. You less than any of us. I'm sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 748624, member: 18958"] I want to respond to this. I am not the same person as I was before my mother died. People break. And then they heal. They are never the same as before. But they can't be. They come together again in another way that fits the learning and doing and the loss of parts, that needs to be accommodated. This is not necessarily such a bad thing. Uncomfortable, yes. I think this is very wise and brave. I am this way too. I prefer out of site out of mind. I believe that I could have searched for other solutions with my son 7 or 8 years ago when I kicked him out. But I listened to others with the "throw him in the deep end of the pool," mentality. It did not work. But I did not at that time have the resources to deal with the person my son was manifesting. I still don't. I think what is needed is the capacity to feel broken. To break and break and break and to not break down. I think this is where you are New Leaf. It is a special kind of stength, to let go of the security of being right, of knowing anything, of wanting anything. It's going out on a limb with only love. I don't think I'm there yet, because I am still hanging onto my conditions. My conditions are the figleaves that keep me virtuous, which in my case, means I hold out. I hold back. It is kind of a dissociation. To not feel how horribly vulnerable I feel. How vulnerable I am. I think you are brave New Leaf. Nobody deserves the position you find yourself in. You less than any of us. I'm sorry. [/QUOTE]
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