I will post each day, new questions always coming... I am new here. There is just so much background... but my difficult child is 22 has a 11 week old daughter, and is in 30 day treatment lock up and in denial. Short version... Got expelled from 11th grade and we got him to a private school where he did great. That summer he started back with the same crowd and left home at 17, he was smoking pot and lying and not coming home. His father (always a pal not a father) took him there and it all got worse. He was FREE!! He quit school in 12th grade and got stupid jobs, kept smoking and just got by. The past year he has had 2 arrests and a baby!! We were very close until he started pot at 16 and since then he keeps me at a distance. Big long tight hugs, love yous and all that, but as his mom, I knew he was drifting away. Then he gets girlfriend pregnant. I met her once before this he kept us apart through the 9 months. I did my best to keep in touch and it was 9 months of crying for me because I didn't know the girl and I knew my son was in no way ready to have a child. So baby was born, I am there and have formed a great relationship with the girlfriend since. I have my granddaughter once a week overnight and help buy formula and diapers and clothes and am just having so much fun loving her. About when gd was 4 weeks old, I get a call from girlfriend telling me my son is snorking perks and she admits she knew 6 months ago and trying to help him detox. She wanted me to know and said she cant deal with it, she has a 5 yr old too and she cant have him around all that. So my son calls and trying to tell me she is crazy and its all her. Anyway, since my son never got his GED, works under the table, isn't being responsible for his child financially, goes out ALL the time, doesn't talk to family unless its a holiday, has friends that are all on drugs... it was clear to me he was in trouble. Most people thought I was over reacting being so upset about the pregnancy, but I am mom- I knew. So the newest is last week he got physical in a fight with the girlfriend, not injured her, but put his hands on her and that is NOT OK! She called police, police arrest him, he goes to jailhouse. his prior cases, possesion and fake checks-make for high bail and held for court. Night before court, girlfriend investigates nad finds out my son is doing OC for 1-2 months!!! She goes to court and asks for treatment not jail. She gets his father to sign him into 30 treatment (only because she couldnt get to me to do it and was desperate she called him) Son was gonna get 60 days in jail otherwise and he needs help not jail. I was happy girlfriend was on the ball with all that. His father never talked to me since he took my son in and I called him a month ago to talk to him about son doing perks, he never returned my 2 calls. He didn't call me to tell me he signed my son into treatment, he is useless. So son gets 30 days. He calls me one day 1 and says "I shouldn't be here, I am not doing that much, they have me on more drugs here than I was doing, I am gonna ask the counselor to get me out early, everyone here is really messed up I am the only normal one here...etc" asks for me to set him up with phone call card to girlfriend, he will call tomorrow. My take is he was shocked to be there and sad. OK, so I am now faced with the fact that my son is an addict and has been on some form of drugs for years. He has this baby who needs him. He will miss her first Christmas He is in denial. His father never did and never will work with me. It all makes sense to me since my son hasn't been himself since he started smoking pot. He just wanted freedom and independence so bad back then. My mothers intuition has always been this boy is in trouble, but he won't admit it and if I ask him, and he thinks I know anything, he will shut me off even more. I was right on. So now I need to know how to help treatment work for him. Phone calls, letters etc. Like he wants prepay phone card to talk to his girlfriend and such. He only called once because he cant call for the first days and I do not know how he even got that one call to me, but he hasn't called since. Today is day 3 for him. Please help me not do too much for him. I did send a Christmas card from me with a letter (tone was not lecture, just supporting change) and a Christmas card from his daughter with 2 pics of her. I figure he can stare and them and maybe wake up! His girlfriend send pics of them 3 and a letter telling him she wants him, loves him, but he cant go back there till he cleans up for good. So what can you tell me about what to do and not do while he is in for 30 days. My gut says not to get him more than quick calls to girlfriend and that he needs to be alone and not be in contact with anyone too much. He cant call cell phones from there so that is most everyone. Just help me please. I don't want to mess up. I am not used to this stuff, I have a great family and dont have people on drugs in my life otherwise. I can't believe he wont be home for Christmas I am hoping this is a blessing in disguise and he will be so hurting he will want to change his life. I am in a rush, sorry if I babbled.. but I wanted to get a post started at least. Thanks and love to all going through this!