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HaoZi
Guest
Just because they have a different standard of "normal" doesn't mean they're right.
Upsetting conversation
- Thread starter Malika
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Malika
Well-Known Member
I know a (Canadian, actually) child psychiatrist who has an unusual take on ADHD, or hyperactivity as was... his theory is that there are four types of hyperactive people, one of which is the "genetic" kind, dating from the period in man's evolution when he needed to be hyper-alert for hunting, etc. This type, he says, is characterised by extreme perceptiveness and, he says, the people of this type are NOT helped by medication. My son is extremely - sometimes uncannily, incredibly - perceptive so if this theory holds any water, medications will not be of any use... But I do keep an open mind - while retaining a great deal of hesitation because of side effects.
And yes, he does, read people really well - extremely sensitive on that level. Can you say more about what you mean when you say they "don't know what to do with the info?"
As for my family, they are in: the UK, New York state, Hawaii, Australia... My mother in the UK is supportive of J and has a close relationship with him but we do not often see her. My brother in the UK is NOT helpful around J - he sees him as rude and anti-social and staying with him and his family is something of a nightmare. I don't do it any more, sad to say... My "American" brother is far more sympathetic and sensitive but is in America...
And yes, he does, read people really well - extremely sensitive on that level. Can you say more about what you mean when you say they "don't know what to do with the info?"
As for my family, they are in: the UK, New York state, Hawaii, Australia... My mother in the UK is supportive of J and has a close relationship with him but we do not often see her. My brother in the UK is NOT helpful around J - he sees him as rude and anti-social and staying with him and his family is something of a nightmare. I don't do it any more, sad to say... My "American" brother is far more sympathetic and sensitive but is in America...
This happens EVERY year... start of school year, new teacher(s). Teacher is always pleasant, trying to come across as helpful, asking all the right questions. difficult child senses immediately that its all a show - that the teacher is "one of those" who's gonna have it "in for him" in 2 weeks or less... so, difficult child goes on the offensive - work refusal, distracting others, every trick in the book to make the teacher look bad. Then, of course, the teacher blows up, but it all gets blamed on difficult child. The only part that IS his fault is that, when he senses these problems, he needs to TALK - to someone who can do something... a parent, a school resource teacher or counsellor or VP, or his therapist or family doctor or... SOMEONE. So that we can intervene BEFORE he has to make a total mess of the situation...
BUT - he's right. The teacher believes that "kids do well if they want to", rather than "kids do well if they can"... so, the problem is assumed to be 100% attitude... and BAM! (this, it turns out, at least around here, is about 80% of the teachers... and we have NO control over who he gets assigned to)
If he wasn't so perceptive, he'd be playing along like the others do, and wouldn't hit trouble for at least another 4 weeks (i.e. half-way into first term... parent-teacher interview night... no work to discuss???) which just delays the whole process anyway... but there would be fewer "burned bridges" to rebuild.
If he knew what to do with the information he's taking in, he'd learn how to "play the game" to his own advantage - shut up in front of the teacher, but tell one of his "advocates" so that THEY can make a difference without HIM getting labelled or blamed... but he doesn't catch on to the "social niceties game".
As far as the neanderthal-theory goes... I'd ignore theory for now. Find what works, THEN find an explanation for why it works. K2 got to kindergarten, and was so completely obviously majorly ADD - at least, we saw it, the teachers didn't! But they don't diagnosis 5 year olds... at least, not usually. We got our diagnosis by 5.5 yrs old... partly because it runs in the family, (and 2 of us had diagnosis and medications already), and partly because we were having success with non-medical medications...
Unmedicated ADHD kids appear to be at higher risk of smoking, drinking, and drugs... some people blame this on their "risk-taking" tendencies... but other research indicates that perhaps because they need the "stimulants" that the medications would provide. Specifically, the top 5 self-medicating substances for ADHD people are: caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, marjajuana, and cocaine - all 5, stimulants, of which only ONE happens to be both socially acceptable and legal. We used strong black tea (with a bit of honey to make it taste better) - and saw a major change in her attentiveness at school... If you want to know whether he might respond to stimulant medication, you might think about (real, not herbal) tea or coffee or cola... but caffeine has long-term effects, too (including potentally stunting growth)... so, its not wise to use this as the long-term solution.
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HaoZi
Guest
Dear HaoZi, please go and live in Japan or Italy with kiddo on a year-long sabbatical and report back your findings about "normalcy" after that
Too rigid for my version of normal, and if the Italian families I know (including my own) are any indication, "normal" means a lot of yelling and food throwing. My point is every society has its own version of "normal" and it doesn't make any one society correct in that assumption. The closest thing I've found to our version of "normal" is this board.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Ha - so that is why I suddenly put down Italy as one of the countries, for no logical reason I could think of
I guess the point I was rather clumsily trying to make is that if you spend long enough in another culture, your (one's) ideas of what is "normal" begin to slip and slide dangerously.... mind you, the same could be said of spending much time with a difficult child.
I guess the point I was rather clumsily trying to make is that if you spend long enough in another culture, your (one's) ideas of what is "normal" begin to slip and slide dangerously.... mind you, the same could be said of spending much time with a difficult child.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Be careful of trying the caffeine.
My son was extremely hyperactive and I was done with medications so I was told (by an expert, no less) to give him coffee or another caffeinated drink. Hahaha! He totally bounced around like a ball gone wild. Everything you try whether it is chemical or behavioral is just a guess/trial. You try things and see what works and then stick with what works. Caffeine, for us, made our son hang from the chandeliers!
My son was extremely hyperactive and I was done with medications so I was told (by an expert, no less) to give him coffee or another caffeinated drink. Hahaha! He totally bounced around like a ball gone wild. Everything you try whether it is chemical or behavioral is just a guess/trial. You try things and see what works and then stick with what works. Caffeine, for us, made our son hang from the chandeliers!
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HaoZi
Guest
Kiddo sometimes has "coffee" in the mornings. Which means there's just enough coffee in her milk to change the color to a murky brown.
Caffeine works on the same principle as the stimulant medications - so, if ritalin and other stims don't work, then caffeine won't work either.
More importantly, if caffeine has a positive impact, then stimulant medications likely will as well.
If you were in England, I'd say give him tea. You're in France... how about lait au cafe? (the opposite of cafe au lait) - its kind of like what HaoZi was saying... more milk than coffee. He's only 4 - it doesn't take much. Coffee has at least 2x caffeine as tea - and K2 was taking a "teacup" (4-6 oz) before heading off to school. If you're talking cola, then you have a tough choice... use 'regular' and add a sugar-high to the mix, or use 'diet' and deal with artificial sweeteners... with tea or coffee, we can add our own sweetener - our choice is usually honey.
The problem with caffeine is that it only lasts about 2 hours, and has a definite rebound effect. So, i'd try it on a day when it doesn't matter, and see if it works... and then, if it works, don't use it on a regular basis - but have it "in your back pocket" for times when it is really matters how he behaves for the 2-hour window.
If it DOESN'T work, then there's no point in trying the stimulant. medications - there are non-stimulant medications, and they work differently (Stratera is one), but at least you'll be ahead of the medications game by the time you get there (somewhere between 5 & 8, usually).
Midwest - don't know what kind of an 'expert' that was... but if stimulant medications don't work, then the last thing you need is caffeine!!
More importantly, if caffeine has a positive impact, then stimulant medications likely will as well.
If you were in England, I'd say give him tea. You're in France... how about lait au cafe? (the opposite of cafe au lait) - its kind of like what HaoZi was saying... more milk than coffee. He's only 4 - it doesn't take much. Coffee has at least 2x caffeine as tea - and K2 was taking a "teacup" (4-6 oz) before heading off to school. If you're talking cola, then you have a tough choice... use 'regular' and add a sugar-high to the mix, or use 'diet' and deal with artificial sweeteners... with tea or coffee, we can add our own sweetener - our choice is usually honey.
The problem with caffeine is that it only lasts about 2 hours, and has a definite rebound effect. So, i'd try it on a day when it doesn't matter, and see if it works... and then, if it works, don't use it on a regular basis - but have it "in your back pocket" for times when it is really matters how he behaves for the 2-hour window.
If it DOESN'T work, then there's no point in trying the stimulant. medications - there are non-stimulant medications, and they work differently (Stratera is one), but at least you'll be ahead of the medications game by the time you get there (somewhere between 5 & 8, usually).
Midwest - don't know what kind of an 'expert' that was... but if stimulant medications don't work, then the last thing you need is caffeine!!
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Insane, supposedly a psychologist who is an expert in ADHD (shrug). His reasoning was maybe the stims were too much, but a half a cup of coffee or cola would do the trick. I've learned, through all my years with mental health experts, to try anything that isn't dangerous and to be happy when it works and shrug it off if it doesn't. A lot of people I or my son have seen claimed to be experts in certain areas. Whether they really were...who knows.
