Urghhhh...

[klmno]

Guess where difficult child is??? In bed!! He says he can't hear. This is due to him still having some nasal congestion. I tried to call his dr on Fri to let him know that difficult child still has congestion and an earache. No one was at the dr's office- the dr had told me last Mon to call on Fri if difficult child wasn't better. Anyway, difficult child seemed to go on his usual business just fine the past few days in spite of this and answered my questions this morning (even though he can't hear???).

So, what is the next step? difficult child has been absent so much, especially the last 2 weeks that I doon't know what steps to take at this point. We had an iep meeting about it, but this was 2 weeks ago and things have gotten much worse. It appears clear to me that difficult child is going to continue to miss school until there is some sort of intervention. I really do not want to call the school and asked them to send someone over this morning. Soon, they will be required to call social services in or someone else. Do I just sit here and wait for that or is there something else I can do?

 

[smallworld]

You should rule out all physical illness before assuming it's psychological. I'd run him into the pediatrician to see what's going on with his ear. He may need an antibiotic at this point.

 

[ML]

I have no idea and know that further posts will be full of knowledge in this area. I just wanted to wish you luck and tell you that I closely watch threads like this because manster's school anxiety is increasing so much. After they're away for a few days it's worse so we'll see how he does today after being gone the better part of a week. Hugs! It's off to work for me.

 

[klmno]

I have a call in to dr/nurse to see if they can call in a script for antibiotics- they didn't have any openings to see him today.

I've been searching what he's been doing on the computer and he has a myspace page, unbeknownst to me- and he's not supposed to have one. This was a big issue in court last year. Anyway, he says on his page that he hates his life and it s***ks. He hates it because he's on probation and "his mom won't let him go out more than 20 mins unless he has a specific deestination and his mom won't let him hang out with friends unless she knows and approves of them" and he says that he wants to meet God, then he says "never mind- even God can't get him out of this s**t hole of a mess".

Then, I found he set up his own email (also not supposed to do) and has used my cc to purchase games through paypal and get something from some webcam website. I will look at that as soon as I digest what I've already found.

This is one of those times that I wish he would go ahead and say something that would allow psychiatric hospital admittance. Unfortunately. And I hate feeling that way about it, but I don't know how to get anything in between. I'm thinking about putting a call into his therapist- I'm just a little leary because he's still relatively "new".

 

[smallworld]

He sounds really depressed. I'd recommend a call to psychiatrist and therapist. The more you can document what's going on from a mental health perspective, the more help you might get.

 

[klmno]

Thanks, SW and others! You know, he also mentioned on his myspace that I'm that way because I'm over-protective. He tells a lot of people that and some people- like the PO- sit there and agree with him that I am too protective. I don't think I am. Given that he's a 13 yo difficult child on probation, does it sound like my expectations regarding his social priviledges are over-protective to you all? Not to mention, I don't think a lot of people understand that when a kid this age gets in legal trouble, "good" kids from "good" families aren't typically allowed or encouraged to hang out with your difficult child, so difficult child's opportunities to meet kids who are complying with the law and who keep their parents informed about where they are and what they're doing get pretty slim.

I wish he had more people tell him that I'm not too protective and that he needs to try to get interested in something acceptable where he can meet appropriate friends, instead of looking at it like I should be compromising his social boundaries.

 

[susiestar]

I think almost EVERY kid complains that their parents are too involved and TTO careful in wanting to know where they are and what they are doing. He may hate it, but esp as he is on probaation he NEEDS it.

So what if he thinks you are overprotective. You are being a good parent, ignore his complaints on this as much as you can.

As for having the myspace, the email AND using YOUR cc to buy things - change the credit card - call and say it was lost and you need a new one. Delete the myspace, the email and the games, then lock the computer with a heavy duty password that is a combination of letters and numbers that you DO NOT WRITE DOWN.

The consequence for the myspace and email and theft needs to be NO COMPUTER for the forseeable future. because inthe eyes of cyberspace 13 is old enough to do pretty much whatever you want. And he has proven he will not follow rules.

About school attendance, run him by the doctor then drop him at school. You may have to just take him to school and refuse to pick him up for a while. It is really hard. We went through it with Wiz. And eventually we had to just take him and make him stay, even if he barfed. (No one EVER saw him barf, even people in the restroom at the same time, so we were pretty sure he DIDN't barf but he would alway say he did because then he would have to be out for 24 hours by school policy)

I am sorry. But if he gets into attendance troubles the PO is going to come down hard and so is the judge. The whole situation stinks, and maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist for the depression.

 

[mamabeardefendinghercubs]

I think that being protective of our children is a good thing .. I myself have been told by teachers and a few professionals that im over protective but I know that im not ..im careful and I watch my kids becuase they are not making healthy choices and i am afraid for them and other people As parents we have to know hwat our kids are up to and what their doing thats the only way we can know if hteir on drugs or anything else equally as upsetting... any way im glad that you are so involved and know what your difficult child is up to thats the only way you can get help for him and although he wouldnt admit it im sure down deep he is grateful that you know becuase he feels alone and out of control and your his only grounder