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Utter resignation
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703012" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not have a lot of time, but wanted to respond to some of your post, and to offer support and friendship.Me, too. What you describe is quite common, I think, in female headed households. This is because boys have a harder time emancipating from the mother, who to them has been everything. There is no male model to help them do so, or to take on some of the psychic energy that comes forth. We bear it all. And this makes it very hard for us, and for our sons, too.</p><p></p><p>You are right. None of this is your fault. Or because you did or did not do something. This is about him, not necessarily because he is a bad kid, or deficient or defective, but because he is having a hard time growing up psychically, and externalizing all of his pain, through resistance, destructiveness and bad behavior. In particular, he needs to invalidate and push you away.</p><p></p><p>To the extent that you can allow him to emancipate, support him to leave your home and orbit, protection and influence, could be helpful. (I had, have, a hard time with this because my son has mental and health issues--that is part of my difficulty, at least.)</p><p></p><p>Because you may feel you are protecting him while he is under your roof, but are you really? I do not know the laws in your state but I am wondering if one course might be to surrender. If he knows how to live and you do not--let him do it. All of it.</p><p>You are surrendering, no longer resisting over that which you have no control. Spiritually, it is sometimes, necessary and desirable. I am studying this way of living, but am not yet up to speed enough to impart more wisdom.</p><p></p><p>Take care, mama. I am glad you are here with us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703012, member: 18958"] I do not have a lot of time, but wanted to respond to some of your post, and to offer support and friendship.Me, too. What you describe is quite common, I think, in female headed households. This is because boys have a harder time emancipating from the mother, who to them has been everything. There is no male model to help them do so, or to take on some of the psychic energy that comes forth. We bear it all. And this makes it very hard for us, and for our sons, too. You are right. None of this is your fault. Or because you did or did not do something. This is about him, not necessarily because he is a bad kid, or deficient or defective, but because he is having a hard time growing up psychically, and externalizing all of his pain, through resistance, destructiveness and bad behavior. In particular, he needs to invalidate and push you away. To the extent that you can allow him to emancipate, support him to leave your home and orbit, protection and influence, could be helpful. (I had, have, a hard time with this because my son has mental and health issues--that is part of my difficulty, at least.) Because you may feel you are protecting him while he is under your roof, but are you really? I do not know the laws in your state but I am wondering if one course might be to surrender. If he knows how to live and you do not--let him do it. All of it. You are surrendering, no longer resisting over that which you have no control. Spiritually, it is sometimes, necessary and desirable. I am studying this way of living, but am not yet up to speed enough to impart more wisdom. Take care, mama. I am glad you are here with us. [/QUOTE]
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