V is much calmer without Partner around

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ktllc, Jul 23, 2012.

  1. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I noticed it within a few days after Partner went to France. I decided to wait and make sure it was no coincidence. It definetely is no coincidence.
    V had a few rocky days during and after K-camp but he is now recovered and quite enjoyable. Sure he still forgets everything and still struggles to express his thoughts clearly. But his attitude is so much better. He acknowledges his forgetfullness with humor and a smile. He even said he does not want to be "mean" anymore and get me crossed. I explained that he is NOT mean but he could indeed listen a bit better and just do what he is told without me having to say it 4 or 5 times.
    I would say the underlying issues are the same, just his mood is better. He does not argue as much and he plays quietly on his own. Sweet Pea is a bit of pain as any toddler but it does not seem to affect V too much. He gets annoyed ( I do too lol) and that's it.
    I even told husband that if V had been a single child, we would probably never suspected any real issues until elementary school.
    So what do I do with this piece of information?
    I know Partner is not the problem and I don't believe it has anything to do with sibling rivalery. V truely misses his brother, even cries a bit for him sometimes.
    I'm guessing life at home is just simpler without Partner around. V plays the way he wants and doesn't have to figure out what Partners does/wants/says etc. Sweet Pea is quite easy to understand: laughs when happy and cries when not happy.
    I really did not expect it. V and Partner are so close in age and had never been seperated. They love one another so much.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It could be the added chaos but it could also be that he unconsciously tries to "keep up" with Partner and can't because of his limitations. There is also the fact that Partner isn't around for V to do things with so there is no real option but to play alone and no one to "compete" with. I don't know if I'm making any sense but my boys do that when the other is gone too. Do you get what I mean? There really isn't much you can do with the information. Without Partner, there is just so much less .....
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think this is quite normal with boys so closely in age. As you know I have two that are exactly two years apart. ( lol....it seems October was my most fertile month!) Over the years when they were young, they were very close but they bugged the living daylights out of each other. If one wasnt there they missed each other but they were a bit easier to deal with one on one. We often laughed that having one child was a hobby. You had to have at least two before you actually had kids. LOL. Thats when you knew what living with the daily squabbles and fights and all that was like. Lord with my two they would often run in different directions when we were out somewhere. I had to put them on a leash to keep them with me. This lasted through the teen years but now they are best buddies. I will tell you that when Jamie went to the Marines that is when it all changed. Cory was so worried but so proud of him. Cory was the first one out on the field to hug Jamie when he graduated boot camp. Cory cried the entire time during the ceremony...lol. He begged the Marines to let him join but they wouldnt...lmao.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Close siblings DO need a break from each other, so that will likely be one factor.
    But... one less kid of "about that age" likely also reduces the background noise, and V may not be having to work so hard to "listen". Mental fatigue has a huge impact on "attitude".
  5. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I guess I'll have to really enjoy his good mood, because Partner comes back with my parents in 10 days (counting the day :) ) and welcome happy chaos! 7 people living together for a month, including 3 kids 6 years old and under and, of course, the loud latin style. LOL
    At least now my parents are aware of the issues and don't argue about it. My mother even told her friends that if it was not for my strong will she would have never realized V's challenges. She would have just kept on saying "he is stubborned/hard to deal with" or that I must be tired. Nice to have my parents on my side now and truely understand the cause of all the past and current conflict.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It really is wonderful when at least family members "get it". I am very jealous that you have that but am soooo happy you do. Yes, enjoy the calm ...... before the storm returns. LOL
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's been decades, lol, but even with easy child's there is a huge improvement in behavior when there is only ONE at home and the other is at Gramma's......or wherever. DDD