VENT!! I asked about 6 YO difficult child and cops, I got cops Wed AM

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Oct 9, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I couldn't post this yesterday, I just couldn't. Yesterday AM difficult child refused to go to school (picture day) We have been noticing a pattern with rages and pictures. Got him into car unwillingly. When the bus came, he refused to get out. I asked the bus driver, if I can get him on the bus, will you take him? He said that if I could get him onto the bus, he would deal with him (This was probably a mistake, I just wanted difficult child at school) I had to take difficult child physically from car, and carry him across to the bus (I'm not supposed to do this due to back trouble). HE still refused to get on the bus, even with the driver talking to him, telling him to come on, (calmly) please get on the bus, you have to go to school. He was kicking, hitting me with his head, trying to trip me, it was ugly. The bus had to leave, he was holding up traffic, and was getting behind schedule. I asked bus driver to please document the "incident". I brought difficult child home, and called the crisis line I was instructed to call and got disconnected while they were transferring me, (glad I wasn't a true crisis LOL Sorta) I called my SO at work. He told me to call the school and ask what to do. The principal says "You have to bring him to school." Now please remember, they don't know hardly anything about this because he does not ever rage at school. They only knew that we were having behavioral issues at home and to please watch him closely at school. I explained a bit to her and said that I could not force him to come, because 1)I can't force him to do anything physically, the danger that I will get hurt is too great and 2) I could not get him into the car, let alone into the school building. He had refused to buckle his seat belt in his booster seat for the ride to the bus stop (0.03 miles) Of course I hear the "He NEVER acts like that here" conversation. I ask her what steps we can take next, as he has already missed 8.5 days of school (according to their records not mine) and anything over 12 days in a school year is referred to truancy (but that has already happened also, got the letter in the mail last night). She called the school resource officer, who in turn called me, then came to the house (please note I dealt with the same officer when my oldest difficult child was skipping HS, he was useless and ineffective then). The officer came to my house, talked to difficult child told him that he had to listen to me, that he could not hit kick or throw things at people, .... told him that he could end up in the juvenile system (kid jail, juvenile jail is how he explained it to difficult child) if he did not start listening to me.... difficult child seemed to listen. Officer and I went outside to talk in private (in the rain) and I was told by the officer that he can't transport difficult child to school if he refuses to get on the bus. WHAT???? Then he tells me that even though he told difficult child that he could be put into the juvenile system, that it was an empty threat as our area has NO facilities for kids as young as him. Then he LEFT!!!! before I had difficult child even in the car to go to school. Of course as soon as he left difficult child immediately reverted to "I don't want to go to school" and only the threat of being able to call the officer back got him into the car and to school. Once at school difficult child refused to leave the office and go join his class. He stayed calm, didn't rage but refused to leave the office. The principal sat him down and explained to him basically the same thing the officer did, that he had to listen to me or get placed in the juvenile system. He did eventually go to class.

    The bus driver had already been to the school, and told the principal what had gone on at the bus stop told he that "It was like nothing he had seen before". Great. I have a 20 yr veteran bus driver, and my kid does something that he hasn't seen before. Sigh.... The principal told me that the bus driver was going to document the incident, and that I would get a copy.

    The principal and I then talked about what I've been dealing with here at home, she listened to the recording of difficult child in a rage, and told me she would help in any way possible. I like this principal, I have known her for about 7 years, and really feel that she will try to help us.

    I had to leave to go to my doctor appointment, but went back to the school afterward to talk with the school social worker which was a pretty much wasted 2 hours as she gave me a 1 page pamphlet entitled Discipline Tips, "It's the age" and when she gave it to me told me that she knew it wasn't going to be much help but here it was for what it was worth, since we had already tried the methods in the pamphlet.

    We had a good evening, Moonwolf and her SO were with the kids from the time they got off the bus until I got home at 6:30 difficult child was acting out a bit, but stopped each time at the mention of the "talk" with the officer or the principal. He also told me he was sorry for acting the way he did that morning. He did have the beginning of one rage, that was stopped by the fact that he tripped on a pillow he had left in the middle of the floor and landed flat on his behind LOL His "owies" (he twisted his foot) were more important that the rage I guess. He took the ice pack and sat in the living room watching TV for the next half hour or so. (His foot was fine this AM, by the way)

    He went to bed after SO came home. SO talked to him about his day, the problem with the bus that morning, the officer coming to talk to him, and read him a story. He fell asleep but got woke up because SO burnt dinner and set off the smoke detector (LOL). He was very grumpy when it happened but went back to sleep.

    When I got up this AM to get the kids ready for school, he was on the couch asleep with his pillow and blanket. This is something happens a couple times a week, but is acceptable, as I had to break him from coming into my room to sleep with me every night. He did not want to get up, and was uncooperative. He got dressed for school, but immediately started taunting and yelling. I reminded him calmly that the officer and principal told him he needed to listen to me, and not yell at me. He told me that the officer was an "idiot" and that the principal was "stupid" and told me to shut up. OMG. I stayed calm and just took care of getting the girls ready to leave. He then started dragging the kitchen chairs out into the middle of the floor, blocking out route to the door. I asked him to please put the chairs back, and he told me no, and I'm not going to school, you can't make me. I called the resource officer to give him a heads up on the situation, and to let him know that I might not be able to get GJG on the bus, and that I might need his assistance. He told me that he had a meeting and if I couldn't get difficult child on the bus to just call the principal, and she would call him later on that afternoon. Now remember I got a truancy paper in the mail yesterday... I have to get him to school. Thanks so much for your "help" Officer.

    easy child S needed to get into the kitchen to put on her shoes, and started to shove past difficult child. I reminded her that we don't touch anyone in any way without permission, and to say please excuse me to difficult child. She did and he moved out of the way enough for her to get through. I asked difficult child to put on his shoes, and he did. I then asked him to put on his coat, and he refused. I told him that it was chilly enough that his long sleeves weren't enough to keep him from being cold and that he had just gotten over being sick. He refused again. I again returned to getting the girls ready to leave and difficult child started to yell about he wanted a pop tart. I told him that he could have one as soon as he put on his coat. He told me that I couldn't keep him from eating, and that he was getting a pop tart. I took the pop tarts (still can't remember where I put them LOL) and said he could have one after he got his coat on. Then PCS went and got a baggie of dry cereal to eat in the car waiting for for the bus (this is something she does every morning, they eat breakfast at school but she needs something to tide her over until she gets there). He immediately started pouting that easy child had something to eat, and I had told him no. I reminded him that PCS had her coat and shoes on and was ready to leave (a requirement for getting her bag of cereal). He asked me if he went and got his coat if he could have some also. I told him that I would get it, because it was time to leave, and he needed to hurry. He got his coat, I got him his cereal, and we left for the bus. He started to refuse to get out of the car but I reminded him I had already talked to the officer (I did NOT let him know what the officer had said) and he got on the bus without incident.

    Long winded, I'm sorry. Just needed to get it all out. I have another rant but will post it on the Special Education board. Later.. hopefully.. running on 2 hours of sleep, and have been on phone all AM due to other rant:(

    Only 8 days til we see the psychiatrist. For good news, my GP prescribed Cymbalta yesterday for me... bad news, insurance denied it. We are probably going to pay for it out of pocket. :faint:

    Last edited: Oct 9, 2008
  2. I am so sorry you are having these problems with difficult child. I went through the same things with my son as far as school refusal. I got the whole thing "you have to get him to school" from the school. When I was begging and pleading with the principal to help me somehow, to send out a school police or something, I got "no, but what we can do is call the state and put in a report of educational neglect because you can't get your child to school" I was fuming. I was told though that even if the school police came out, that they cannot physically take the kids to school, all they will do is talk to them. They did this one time, like your son, it did no good. Needless to say, the school never did file a report, and they also didn't fail difficult child when they said they were going to because he had missed over 60 days that school year (5th grade). It didn't get any better and at the beginning of the next school year began difficult child's in and out of the psychiatric hospital throughout the year.

    I wish you the best and hope you are able to get some results with your difficult child.


  3. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks so much. The officer told me yesterday that I'm not the only parent in the school district with a problem like this, and that he has parents calling him begging for help and asking where to turn and he doesn't have any answers for them. I don't understand, if I'm not the only parent (and its hard to believe that I am the only one) then why hasn't something been done? I dread the thought of facing this battle every day, and its not one that I can give up on, since it is school and I'm already (not even 3 months into the school year) getting truancy notices.I hate the fact that we had the incident at the bus stop, but in another way I'm glad, because the driver saw (and hopefully documented) that I did everything I could physically to get him onto the bus to go to school. I hope that will help me if the truancy thing becomes a big issue. I can't do that every time he refuses to go to school though. I hurt my back yesterday carrying him to the bus and its not like I can drag him. If I had to do that every time he refuses to go to school so its documented, I'm going to end up not being able to move at all due to my back. Then I won't be able to do anything at all with him and his behaviors. I love him so much but I don't like him at all right now:sad-very:

  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    You may want to look into school anxiety, it's related to separation anxiety I believe.
  5. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    We have a tentative diagnosis of separation anxiety so I"ll definately check into that thanks!!!

  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    So sorry he's having so much trouble with his anxiety. I had similar issues with difficult child 1 when he was about that age -- usually triggered by a change in his schedule or routine -- once he flipped out like that when we were going to a psychiatrist appointment in the middle of the school day. I thought he was going to get us both killed on the freeway because of his out-of-control behavior. It would also happen when he had to have blood draws (for a chronic disease) -- I'm sure people thought we were both crazy with all the drama that went on at labs!

    Have you read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It might give you some good strategies for dealing with your difficult child's behavior and helping him cope with his strong feelings.

    Hope the appointment day gets here quickly so you can get a little closer to figuring out how to best help him!
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Woof, my Youngest was older when she stqarted this, but the most important thing the school told me was to be sure and call them every time she refused to go to school. This was so that I could document that I did everythign humanly possible to get her there (short of dragging her, not an option), and I wouldn't be charged for allowing her to be truant. She ended up with a CHINS petition after the school referred her truancy to the courts. I don't know what they'd do in the case of a child as young as yours, but I would just be sure to take the steps to protect yourself legally. Document each time he refuses to go, and the steps you took to try to get him there. I wouldn't risk injuring yourself, however.. not worth it.

    The good news is, despite the struggle today, your son went to school! YAY! Hold onto that victory for now.
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jan, I agree with the suggestion that you read The Explosive Child. I'm also wondering if anyone asked your difficult child WHY he didn't want to go to school yesterday. You mentioned something about rages and pictures. Does he not like to have his picture taken? Could you have excused him from having his picture taken this year?
  9. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks to all. I ordered my copy of The Explosive Child from Amazon over the weekend (the local library had a 3 month wait) and it should be here today or tomorrow.

    The original reason for not wanting to go to school yesterday was because pictures were being taken. When I told him that he did NOT have to get his picture taken, he told me that last year, even though we didn't buy pictures, he had to get his picture taken for the yearbook. After we came back home and were waiting on the resource officer, his reasons changed every couple minutes. First it was my tummy hurts... then I don't want to go to school because math is too hard, then (this one about made me LOL but I didn't) he wanted to see his therapist (that he has only seen 1X). The reason he wouldn't leave the office was because his class was in the process of getting pictures taken when we got there. We assured him over and over that he did NOT have to get it taken even for the yearbook, but he still would not leave the office. It probably took 20 minutes to get him to leave the office.

    We have had issues with rages in the past due to pictures... once at the zoo when I wanted a picture of all the kids together so that in case we got separated I had a picture to show the park workers, once at Busch Gardens when we wanted him to dress up for an "old-time" picture. on the other hand if I get the digital out here at home for some shots here at home, he is the first one wanting to do something silly for the camera. When we were at Busch gardens, he let me take the pics of him and his sisters in case we got separated, posed for a picture taken by a park employee in front of the gate, and loved the pictures they take each car on the roller coasters, he loved to see himself riding. So I never know if having a picture taken is going to set off a rage or not. There is just no consistency to it.

    CrazyinVA, Thanks for reminding me that just getting him to school was a victory. I needed to hear that
  10. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jan, it sounds as if you really are dealing with a case of school refusal. Something about school is bothering him, and at his age, it may be hard for him to articulate. For my own kids, there has at times been this general sense of stress about school -- the need to perform on demand, the need to do what the group is doing even if you don't feel like it, the desire to fit in especially when you don't feel as if you do, the unrelenting exposure to sensory stimuli and little time for downtime. I do think having difficult child work with a therapist and getting into the psychiatrist will help you all out (although I know well the feeling of wanting the appointment NOW).

    I don't know if this would work or if your own schedule permits it, but one day my younger daughter M was refusing to go to school, so much so that she missed her bus. She was talking all about how hard school was and how she just didn't like it. Instead of just loading her into the van and driving her off to school, I said, "Let's go walk Cal (our dog)." We walked around our neighborhood and talked about school -- what she liked and what she didn't. I also shared my own recollections of elementary school with her. At the end of 15 minutes, we walked home and I said, "You think you can go to school now?" She said yes and off we went. I think the simple act of changing the schedule/environment and giving her an opportunity to be heard and understood helped us out that day.

    Another time when she refused to go to school, I told her that if she couldn't go to school, that must mean she was sick and needed to go to the pediatrician. I made an appointment for that morning and clued the office staff in. The pediatrician talked to her very kindly about how school is her job, and even if she doesn't always feel like it, she needs to be there. He also assured her that her parents were doing everything possible to make her feel better (we had just started working with a psychiatrist). Again, it really helped the situation.

    Sometimes we moms of difficult children really have to think outside the box! Good luck.
  11. threebabygirls

    threebabygirls New Member

    My 6 yo difficult child rages too, and as she ages they get worse. I really don't have any advice. I do have a plea, though, as a bus driver. If he is carrying on like that and there's a good chance he'll continue to act like that if you get him on the bus, don't do it. He's not only endangering himself, but everyone else as well. Distractions are the worst part of my job, as I'm responsible for over 40 kids' well-being. Please don't put your bus driver in that position. Just this week a friend and fellow driver had a kindergartner raging on the ride home from school. he kept attempting to get off the bus at every stop, and while she was driving. It was very ugly.
    Hang in there, and good luck with his next appointment.
  12. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I'll keep that in mind for next time Smallworld. We do have about 15 minutes between when the bus leaves and we would have to leave to have him there in time for breakfast, so it might be an option.

    threebabygirls, I had already thought about that (after the situation calmed down yesterday morning. I think he would have calmed down on the bus, but I'm not sure. I don't want him to hurt himself or anyone else. Thanks for the reminder though :)

  13. moonwolf

    moonwolf moonwolf

    I know how hard it can be sometimes mom...just know that I'm here...I love you
  14. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My daughter had serious school refusal and she also has severe anxiety. I got the same spiel as you from the school. And they did turn me in for truancy and set up a mediation meeting with someone from juvenile court, but I went in with guns blazing because I had been asking and asking and asking for an IEP to no avail. When I got that letter it was like a bomb exploded in my head. I called the school and ranted and told them that I knew my rights. Then I called the SpED director and described what had been going on and how desperate I was and how the school was doing nothing. This was when my daughter was in the 6th grade. No way I could physically drag her into school, but the school kept saying that I have to get her there. Her school refusal started in grade 2. 6th grade she missed 80+ days of school.

    At that meeting the Assistant Principal changed her tune. School refusal definitely has educational impact even though she tests above average in all subjects. That mediation meeting ended up being more of a what more can we do for you then blaming the parent for the child missing school. I think having an outside party from juvenile court there and having to explain to them why they were doing nothing when mom has been asking since the first day of school for help made a HUGE difference. It was embarrassing for them, I'm sure.

    So sorry you're going through this. I dreaded mornings more than anything else ever in my life.
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i'm late to this.....i'm sorry as well that you struggle as you do also. I've been going through this with my difficult child since pre-k. i still go through it. most days she is not in the bldg. on time. i think over the years of dealing with it i have just gotten more accustomed to it. sad to say. yet she doesn't rage to the extent of what you handled at that bus stop. a few times that way. mine she just lays on the floor and refuses to get up, yet she's sooo tall and weighing in over a 100llb. now there's just no way i can lift her.

    good luck to you.
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    You sound like you handled it very well. But some things just don't work well no matter how well you do your bit.

    School avoidance - definitely. It's not always related to separation anxiety, either - difficult child 3 loved to be at school for the sake of learning, he also said he liked everyone there (he liked everybody, even the bullies - they would always quickly declare, "difficult child 3, I'm your friend," just as he was about to tell teachers what had been happening).

    The bus driver's documentation should be very useful.

    If the school has other kids with school avoidance behaviour problems, then maybe there is something about the school that is the issue here. Of course, that would be on top of other factors; but you would expect the school to handle things in a more productive way. The principal sounds great; the school counsellor sounds like an idiot. I think it could come down to a poor response once it gets to the problem stage (ie the school counsellor and the officer both being ineffectual). There could be other factors before it gets to that stage - maybe a class teacher, or an attitude pervading the staffroom? Again, we have that at our local school, one particularly strong-willed teacher imposes her methods and rules on other staff. Do not allow therapists to observe in the classroom. All children must be treated equally - no special treatment or mollycoddling for alleged 'special needs' kids. You get the picture.

    A classmate of difficult child 3's at his special needs drama class is a kid with major truancy problems. She had some unidentified health problems that resulted in her sleeping through the day. She could not be roused. When the truancy officers turned up, the mother invited them in to see how she tried to wake the girl. "If you can get her up, awake and dressed, then I will give you a medal," the mother said.
    They tried - they even put the girl fully clothed into the previous night's now-cold bath. She didn't rouse. They finally did sleep studies and found the girl had such severe sleep apnoea she was in danger of dying whenever she slept. She's had to have corrective surgery and now has a lot of ground to make up.

    What that mother demonstrated and what you have demonstrated (to the bus driver) is that YOU are doing all you can. You are doing your part.

    You can't continue to be expected to use force. It not only has limited application, it rapidly stops working. It only makes the underlying problems worse.

    He needs to be able to explain why he has a problem. He may not be able to explain well. The school SHOULD have some idea of any issues at school, how he's being treated, etc. If you can, see if you will be permitted to observe him in the classroom. Maybe you could do some volunteer assistance in the classroom an hour a week, for example (Interesting - our local school discouraged this. The school we transferred difficult child 3 to ASKED parents to volunteer and be present. Big difference). You may notice things in your observation, that tip you off to what t he problem could be. Or you might observe that they have a way of getting results form him, that you could try at home.

    difficult child 3 gets very anxious. Once he learned that I wouldn't force him to confront his anxiety if I said I wasn't going to, he was able to relax a bit. For example, your son and photos - when you say (such as at the zoo) that you want a photo in case of something, he cooperates. At home - he feels safe. But somehow at school it bothers him. I do wonder why - have other kids been teasing him publicly about how he looks in photos? Or has he observed other kids being teased about their photos?

    If he is given the choice, some degree of control, over the use of his image (and surely this is a right?) then maybe he will feel less anxious once he knows his choice is being respected.

    I've had similar issues to you, with the school over-riding my requests on things like class photos. I have long disliked te way it's used as a fundraiser here. I've also intensely loathed the way our local school does other fundraisers - I felt my kid was being manipulated badly, just to make a buck for the school. I offered to donate cash in exchange for them leaving my kid out of it; no dice. Always, SOMEONE would interfere, lend my son money to buy a Mothers Day gift (which I didn't want, and which I had previously been asked to donate). My son would generally be directed to the 10c rubbish and expected to pay $5. In vain did I send notes to school saying, "Do not involve him."

    These issues seemed non-issues to the school. If they were asked what could be upsetting my child, they would never have considered the fundraisers to be connected. For us, the school photos were similarly bad - failure to send in the money and a signed acceptance form would have a staff member filling it in instead, then coming after me for the money. But the money wasn't the issue so much as "Please leave my child out of it." He hated how he looked. One year I had just had to give difficult child 3 a very short crewcut (the closest buzz cut I could, with our clippers) because he had picked up, at school, several hundred grass ticks, most of them in his scalp and his scrotum. The short hair was needed so we could find them all and remove them. The class photo was a week later. Again, we couldn't get out of it. He looked dreadful.

    difficult child 3 is now 14. He looks a lot better. He really is a good-looking kid. He lets us take his photo but really hates it when people tell him he looks like Harry Potter. The trouble is, he DOES! However, now he's less anxious he accepts this a lot better. We met new people at the playground near our house yesterday and the woman exclaimed, "He looks like... can't think... that kid..."
    "Harry Potter," I helped her out.
    difficult child 3 just grinned wryly and walked away.

    Interestingly, husband still hates having his photo taken.

    A strong suggestion for the days when he is home from school for whatever reason - keep him occupied with schoolwork. Being home from school shouldn't be a reward in any way. I felt cruel at times but found things generally went much better if I made difficult child 3 do schoolwork even if he had a fever. The only way out was to go to bed and sleep (which he will only do if he's really ill). I would start difficult child 3 with any outstanding homework. Then any old worksheets I could find. I made sure they were handed in to his class teacher on completion. But I also noted how much faster he worked at home - so I went out and bought resources to give him to work on when he didn't have enough from the school. Computer-based learning was good.

    That way, he was getting as little positive pay-off as possible from staying home - if he didn't want to work at home for me, then he could always change his mind and go to school to work for his teacher. Funny - he never chose to do that.

    Similarly, if he was sent home from school then again, we got straight on to schoolwork. Even if he was sent home because he was vomiting (an increasingly frequent occurrence).

    My aim was to prevent him being rewarded for wanting to stay home. But the eventual outcome - he caught up with a lot of missed work and when we finally switched to him schooling by correspondence, working at home, he was already in a good work practice.

    Mind you, I never wanted to home-school to begin with. Plus we were always denied permission, threatened with legal challenge from Special Education staff if we tried without permission.

    It worked out.

    Good luck with the books - I hope you feel vindicated as you begin to read. You've been working along the right tracks, but there are a few more tools you will find and hopefully enjoy.

  17. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I'm really hoping that this was an isolated event, but looking back there were couple times last year when it was a struggle to get him on the bus. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that he is really struggling in 1st grade. The school wanted to retain him last year and do another year of kindergarten, but his age is a factor. He is almost 7 and in first grade because of when his birthday falls. The problem is that he can do the work here for me at home (with a bit of a struggle in math). The teacher is saying that he doesn't have the foundation that he should have gotten in kindergarten. He shows us here that he does. I'm not sure what the problem is at school. We have already talked about possibly moving him back into K for the rest of this year, but now I'm wondering in SPED services would benefit him more. I am making the formal request for an evaluation by the school for SPED services next week ( there is a post in the SPED forum about this).

    I'm just so frustrated, and feeling let down by the school system. I remember this feeling from my struggles with SPED with easy child T, but I really never realized that they just have no services to help a difficult child like mine. When I'm doing everything I can to get him to school, and they offer no help and only offer him empty threats, I think the system has failed. Kind of make me want to kick and scream and throw things too. LOL sorta.

    Thanks for all the support I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

  18. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    We were posting at the same time. I'm so tired tonight I can't see straight (2 hours of sleep last night) but I am going to re-read your post in the AM and respond.
    Thanks so much
  19. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    so sorry you had such a rough day i can feel your exhaustion just reading your post!

    This is just a thought, is the school very far>? Is it a possibility for you to walk with difficult child or have him ride a bike while you walk beside him? I know this could be a hassel, but it might break the mental pattern he seems to have about getting in the car or on the bus?

    Just a thought, not sure if it would be practical.

    <<<HUGS>>> and prayers!
  20. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Wow Jan, sorry you are going through this. I do agree with another poster upthread that you need to find out why he dosen't like going to school. I have always been a big "why" person because I seriously believe that when you have a reason why things are happening, its half the battle to figuring out how to fix them. That said however, there may not be a reason he can articulate. He is only 6.

    So maybe an alternate solution is needed. As again someone said upthread-we need to think outside the box. Is the school able to provide an in-home tutor? Would Moonwolf be able to supervise a homeschooling situation? Online computer courses, etc? If he does not want to go to school what options/alternative solutions can he come up with? Ask him how he plans to handle things when he is in a calm state. If it produces a rage then back off and try again another time. Make him responsible for his actions. I would think if he gets the work done and learns then he doesn't ACTUALLY have to be physically in the school building.