vent lost my temper

[DammitJanet]

I think for you, this hands on program is what you yourself needs to be comfortable with the treatment program. I would have gone bonkers with that type of program. If I would have had to live with Cory while he was getting help? OMG....I would have fainted. Heck, most of that time I was working fulltime.

I do hope you tell them how significant her enmeshment is with you. That is a giant piece of what is going on with her. They really need to know that to help her. Because of that they may start weaning her to start staying nights at the hospital without you. Not at first but slowly. Somehow she has to learn that she isnt the center of your universe but she is the center of hers. I hope this place has access to be able to connect you with psychiatrists in your area upon return home. That will be important too.

 

[smallworld]

You have to realize that the new approach to eating disorders treatment is that the family has to be involved in helping the child/adolescent become well. So any good eating disorders program that admits Jen's daughter has to involve Jen. She can't simply disappear for several days while her daughter starts treatment. She needs to be involved in the day-to-day management of the eating disorder.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh Im sure she does have to be there but can they help her daughter with the severe attachment issues she has at the same time? Or will that have to be done elsewhere? Just from my looking in, and I fully admit I have no experience with this, it appears to me that her daughter seems to be so unhealthy enmeshed with Jena so that if Jena even does something that difficult child doesnt like difficult child uses that as almost an excuse to up the ante with the eating disorder. Does that make sense?

Sort of like, difficult child holding Jena hostage to the eating disorder. Maybe I am completely wrong. I am not saying Jena shouldnt be there at all. Im just saying maybe they could help difficult child to learn to be less needy and more self sufficient. At least age appropriate.

 

[smallworld]

Janet, I can't pretend to know what's going on in Jen's household. At the height of my daughter's eating disorder, she looked completely dependent on me as well. She was clingy and wouldn't let me out of her sight. As soon as her anxiety was under control with medications and she began to eat normally again, everything else fell into place and she began to function as a normal kid. I hope that's what happens to Jen's difficult child in Oregon.

 

[TerryJ2]

Jena, you have truly gotten some great insights and support here, and I can only say that I agree with-the others.
In regard to smoothing things over with-your husband, you could print off little cards from your computer that say, "Thanks for being there," "I love you," whatever, and leave them on the seat of the car, on his pillow, etc. A little bit goes a long way.

 

[ML]

Of course you lost your temper. We all have our limits! You are in a very difficult situation.

As I've told you before, the emeshment/attachment issues are ones I can related to. Manster's anxiety manifested with him literally holding onto me for dear life in social situations up until he was about 9-10 when I finally gave in and admitted that not medicating was worse than any side effects we were likely to encounter. I can't remember which AD we used but it definitely took the edge off and with time it has gotten better. He's even had a few overnights in the past year. This is something I never thought we would have experienced. So it can get better with the right treatment and medication.

Thinking of you during this difficult time. I feel really good about Oregon. Let me know where in Oregon it is. If it is anywhere near Portland I have a friend I will put you in touch with who you will just love.

Hugs,

 

[Jena]

thanks guys. we'll c and i have no idea what's going on with-her i never have. i just run with-what the doctor's tell me she's biochemically totally off. if i run with that thought process the rest makes sense. we'll c how things all shake out in the end.

i don't think she doesn't eat to punish me, yet there are pyschological issues behind every eating disorder i've learned what they are for her who knows, or maybe i'Tourette's Syndrome just the combination of all her disorders now that have heightened being she is getting older, she doesn't want to grow up and she isnt' progressing the way a pre teen should, no friends, hates neighborhood, wants her dad and i back together. we can only do our best as parents to create the best life for our children. i have busted my butt in doing so i truly have.

we'll just see what happens that's all i can say i no longer claim to have the answers. alot of this is also rooted in her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and her medications have been in place to lower anxiety and still she wont' eat. who knows........... it's not that simple obviously like it was thankfully for small's daughter. it's sooooo complicated

 

[DammitJanet]

Well I dont remember it being terribly easy for Smallworld either. I think that was a very rough time in her household too. From what I remember, that child was the one that was the most normal until all this hit. SW had already been dealing with her older two and then got blind-sided with with her youngest. Thankfully it only took several months to get her dtr stabilized but she has been dxd with other issues as a result. Im not entirely sure what because I havent kept up which I probably should have. Sorry SW. I just know the girls seem to be doing much better now.

 

[Jena]

i wasn't saying it was a breeze at all dont' misunderstand me. i'm just saying she was able to nip in the butt right away had the right help etc. whereas with me it's taken a while to get the right group of ppl to help.