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Vent: My sister who always calls the police on me
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 19720" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>I'm sorry that things are to the point that you have to cut off contact. I can't imagine how that feels. My sibs and I are so far apart in age (I'm the oldest and they are the product of my dad's second marriage to a woman only 10 years older than I am) so I haven't really run into issues with them yet. In a way, I'm kind of the "cool" older sister who takes them places and lets them "get away" with things that maybe Dad and their mom wouldn't but I never cross any lines on that. (Think the cool Aunt, I guess) But at the same time, they know I'll rat them out in a heartbeat if I think it's necessary, although I have only had to do that once or twice.</p><p></p><p>I don't really have any truly toxic relationships with any family members although, like any family, we all have our moments. My mom's side, for example, has 9 sibs (7 or whom are still living) so there's alllllllways a feud between someone somewhere. I do notice, though, that even as adults and in the "best" of families people still revert back to our set roles as kids when they all get together. I was always "Little Suzy" (not my name but you get the idea) and was somewhat patronized and poo-poo'd when I spoke up about things or did things as a child and I still notice that to this day and I'm almost 37 years old. I guess in some ways it's kind of like cliques in school. Some people never outgrow that attitude no matter which side of the clique you were in. </p><p></p><p>When I was with my family when my grandpa died, my grandma, while relying on me to help with some things, still treated me as a child. Granted, that was the week from h*** and there were enormous amounts of stress on all of us. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's always been like that, it was just more pronounced that week. I lost it at one point while at dinner with her and an aunt and just had to leave. I knew Grandma's behavior towards me and snapping at me (constantly and in a pretty ugly way) was caused by all of her stress, fear and grief but I had to get away from her before I reacted in a similar way and said or did something I would regret. I can usually handle her fine when she's like that but at the time it was either, I can deal with Grandpa dying or I can deal with Grandma's attitude but not both. And it just so happened that Grandpa won out that week. I think we were fine by the time I left to come home but I had to get away from her for a bit. </p><p></p><p>It just kind of, for lack of a better word, fascinates me how even as adults, sometimes we fall back to those "designated family positions" we had as kids or just when we were younger. (she's the smart one, he's the mouthy one....whatever even though that now the mouthy one is in a professional field or the smart one is the one who's made the worse life choices...that type of thing) It's amazing how those that you love the most can bring out the worst in you at times.</p><p></p><p>Wow.....now if that wasn't a veer off into far left field! lol I just want to say that I feel for you but I think you're doing the right thing. If things are like this whenever you have contact, no matter how much you love her or she loves you, you've got to do what's healthy and it doesn't sound like contact with her is healthy. The only thing I might consider doing (and this is just me although I would have to think about it long and hard) would be to write her one last letter. Make it as non-threatening as humanly possible but tell her basically that while you will always love her, for whatever reasons and through no fault of anyone, you both seem to bring out the worst in each other and this is why you're cutting off contact. Or something along those lines. But like I said, that's just me and it would be for my own selfish reason of at least if you never have that healthy relationship, you've made it known that you will always love her. Did that make any sense?</p><p></p><p>Sending hugs. I hope you can feel better about this at some point and things can work out for the best, whatever that may be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 19720, member: 2459"] I'm sorry that things are to the point that you have to cut off contact. I can't imagine how that feels. My sibs and I are so far apart in age (I'm the oldest and they are the product of my dad's second marriage to a woman only 10 years older than I am) so I haven't really run into issues with them yet. In a way, I'm kind of the "cool" older sister who takes them places and lets them "get away" with things that maybe Dad and their mom wouldn't but I never cross any lines on that. (Think the cool Aunt, I guess) But at the same time, they know I'll rat them out in a heartbeat if I think it's necessary, although I have only had to do that once or twice. I don't really have any truly toxic relationships with any family members although, like any family, we all have our moments. My mom's side, for example, has 9 sibs (7 or whom are still living) so there's alllllllways a feud between someone somewhere. I do notice, though, that even as adults and in the "best" of families people still revert back to our set roles as kids when they all get together. I was always "Little Suzy" (not my name but you get the idea) and was somewhat patronized and poo-poo'd when I spoke up about things or did things as a child and I still notice that to this day and I'm almost 37 years old. I guess in some ways it's kind of like cliques in school. Some people never outgrow that attitude no matter which side of the clique you were in. When I was with my family when my grandpa died, my grandma, while relying on me to help with some things, still treated me as a child. Granted, that was the week from h*** and there were enormous amounts of stress on all of us. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's always been like that, it was just more pronounced that week. I lost it at one point while at dinner with her and an aunt and just had to leave. I knew Grandma's behavior towards me and snapping at me (constantly and in a pretty ugly way) was caused by all of her stress, fear and grief but I had to get away from her before I reacted in a similar way and said or did something I would regret. I can usually handle her fine when she's like that but at the time it was either, I can deal with Grandpa dying or I can deal with Grandma's attitude but not both. And it just so happened that Grandpa won out that week. I think we were fine by the time I left to come home but I had to get away from her for a bit. It just kind of, for lack of a better word, fascinates me how even as adults, sometimes we fall back to those "designated family positions" we had as kids or just when we were younger. (she's the smart one, he's the mouthy one....whatever even though that now the mouthy one is in a professional field or the smart one is the one who's made the worse life choices...that type of thing) It's amazing how those that you love the most can bring out the worst in you at times. Wow.....now if that wasn't a veer off into far left field! lol I just want to say that I feel for you but I think you're doing the right thing. If things are like this whenever you have contact, no matter how much you love her or she loves you, you've got to do what's healthy and it doesn't sound like contact with her is healthy. The only thing I might consider doing (and this is just me although I would have to think about it long and hard) would be to write her one last letter. Make it as non-threatening as humanly possible but tell her basically that while you will always love her, for whatever reasons and through no fault of anyone, you both seem to bring out the worst in each other and this is why you're cutting off contact. Or something along those lines. But like I said, that's just me and it would be for my own selfish reason of at least if you never have that healthy relationship, you've made it known that you will always love her. Did that make any sense? Sending hugs. I hope you can feel better about this at some point and things can work out for the best, whatever that may be. [/QUOTE]
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