vent/need a good cry

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tonime, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. tonime

    tonime toni

    I am just so sad this morning. An e-mail from one of my sisters set me off. It was about coming up to see one of difficult child's soccer games. Well difficult child is off the team. Coach called and said he was going to talk to us this weekend about his behavior at practice--disruptive--etc. but in light of what happened with this other child--he can't have other players frightened to go on the field. He was apologetic and felt really bad-but both husband and I understand. It is just so sad. I am sitting here crying while I type this. I know I have to be strong for my kid--but this really s***s. I feel like I have been battling all my life. First, I grew up in not the most normal family--my mom was a real whip to deal with. I get through that, find a great husband and I managed to be a happy person. Now, I have a kid--and I have all these issues.
    I know "poor" me --I know that I should be happy for whatever blessings I have. I am just so tired of the fight--and I feel like I never get anywhere. I look at my friends-5 kids no issues, my sisters-kids nothing like this-- and I wonder "why me?"
    I guess it is really hard too cause difficult child had had good years in the 1st-4th grade--a lot of work on his part and ours but good years
    I am just so worried about his future
    thanks for the venting space
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! Who says you have to look at the bright side all the time? Who says you have to look at how you've been blessed? Listen: cry. sob. yell. holler. stamp. and if you can't do it alone, go out to the car and scream bloody blue murder. You need to get it out of your system or you're going to blow up at some grocery store clerk that says "have a nice day!".

    Now. Are you convinced that he's been thoroughly diagnosed? If they're just saying ADHD, they could be off base. Have you had a full neuropsychologist done on him? I see that you're in Jersey, and Robert Wood Johnson has such a fabulous reputation that you may get some better, more clear answers.

    You honestly need to mourn the circumstances of your being. Don't dwell on it, just get it out of your system so that you can move on. Is he still off all medications? Have you considered giving them another go?

    As far as soccer, would the coach consider allowing you to stay for practice? Would he consider a 1 game suspension so you can guage if it has an impact on his behavior? How about husband signing up as an asst. coach so that you guys can have 1 on 1 approach?

    Feel better hon! We're here for you - get it all out of your system so that you can flush out the best solutions to try for you and yours. Toss them out on a table and sort through what's best for you.

    Oh, and eat a chocolate bar. You need one.


  3. Sending gentle hugs and support your way. . .
    I understand your struggle all too well...
  4. tonime

    tonime toni

    thanks guys
    I am feeling a little better now
    I am trying not to dwell on it all--tough thing to do--but a survival skill
    I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for difficult child this Monday--specializes in ADHD -- so hopefully he has some answers
    as for soccer I don't know--I will wait to see what doctor says
    the incident with the other boy was pretty serious-so I think I need to get things in check with difficult child first
    He is on medications--whether or not they are the right ones we shall see
    I know there is hope--I love difficult child so much--he just keeps giving us "surprises" though!
    Mental health issues are a pain-- I know you guys know-not an exact science
    we can only do our best
    thanks for the support
    sending hugs back to all of you!
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    You just go ahead and vent, cry, and ask "why?"

    I know how you feel. Daughter was removed from the high school cross country team for a huge meltdown at a meet. She thought someone had stolen money from her backpack and went on a rampage accusing everyone. I'm so glad I didn't witness it first hand. I think I would have probably fainted on the spot.

    The coach was very nice when she spoke to me, but had no choice-she's done. I felt devastated because I thought maybe this would finally be something she could be apart of.

    It just seems she can't be a part of normal activities without an incident.

  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Aw, hon, I'm so sorry. It really does hurt when our kids shoot themselves in the foot. I found that team sports were not the way to go for my daughter. She did better at individual things -- gymnastics when she was younger, swimming and track in middle school and high school. I think for a lot of our kids martial arts can be a great outlet, especially if they get a good sensei (teacher).

    Ya know, we have a lot to mourn for ourselves and our kids. We end up giving up on a lot of dreams and, yes, soccer, baseball, etc. are part of those dreams. We have a child and have so many hopes, plans, wishes for that child. Then, we discover they are not going to come close to fulfilling our dreams. We have to "settle." That hurts and it should hurt. That doesn't mean we don't end up with new hopes and dreams for our kids but it does mean we have a right to mourn what will not be.

    Strangely, we do get to celebrate more. For our kids, everyday acts done right make us happy; watching your child pull himself together is as big of an accomplishment as his first step; etc. We really do end up celebrating the little things even though part of us regrets that our child struggles so.

    I really would be looking into gettng a full neuropysch evaluation on him. Getting a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD is good but the problem is specialists rarely look to see if there is anything else going on, so if your son has other issues, they could be overlooked because the ADHD is so overwhelming or because the psychiatrist knows ADHD and doesn't really know Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), BiPolar (BP), etc.

    And, for now, HUGS. We really do understand.
  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sorry you're so sad today. I don't think there's a parent on this board who can say she's never experiences the overwhelming feelings you're dealing with.

    I agree with MB that you should locate a neuropyschologist (found at university and children's hospitals) who can do a very thorough evaluation on your difficult child. You need to make sure you are looking at ADHD and not something beyond.

    Hugs to you tonight.
  8. Lillyth

    Lillyth New Member

    I agree with what everyone else said about the testing. You really do want to make certain there are no other issues driving the train.

    Other than that, I don't know what to tell you beyond hang in there, and I've been thinking about you....

  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You are not alone, I should be the poster child for the "woe is me" motto!!! I feel the same as you, I had a horrible childhood, lots of abandonment and dysfunction and now a difficult child - oh yay!!!

    When you are bogged down with so much stress and sadness it is very hard to see the glass half full. You will have some days that are great, those days are what we "warrior moms" live for.

    Hang in there, tomorrow could be one of those great ones!! :)
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    a good cry and being sad is well deserved sometimes and sometimes you just gotta let it flow and stop trying to see the bright side.

    often through my own stuff i've found that once i cry and let it out and vent it the next day seems better. almost as if letting out the sad makes more room inside of me again.

    don't worry i know it hurts and it is sad, yet maybe there is another actiivty that will come instead of this. just be patient when one door closes another always opens, sometimes you just have to wait for it

    hugs to you.........hope tomorrow's a better day, sorry i was late to this