Vent Vent!! Men are ##!#*

[crazymama30]

I want to just smack husband. I am tired of his poor me **** that he uses when it is convient to him. We have a repair man coming out to fix the washer tommorrow. We live in my mom's house, it is her washer, and she works at same store as the repair man. The house is trashed. It is always pretty much trashed. My mom is not much of a housekeeper either(actually I am a tad better) but I want the house at least half decent when the guy comes. I asked husband to clean. Vacccuum, sweep, mop do counters. I do not usually ask this much as his pain is bad, and it gets worse with vaccuuming and sweeping type movements. I thought he could do it once. Wrong. What did he do? He kinda swept. By kinda, I mean I got 2 full dust pans when I redid it. Now if I did that he would have a cow. But it is ok for him. So I went and worked out, went to one of my jobs, went to class, made dinner, and then cleaned house. What did he do??? He visited with a friend and went and worked out and made himself so sore he can barely walk. Not the normal work out pain, but the bad chronic pain kinda pain. Why? Why pray tell would someone who knows he cannot use the cardio equipment without suffering use it??? Because he wants to increase his endurance.


Now with all that being said, I feel bad. husband does do quite a bit usually around the house. He does dishes and laundry. He does have a lot of pain, and I don't know how well his BiPolar (BP) is controlled right now. But right now I don't care. He won't talk to me about anything, does not want me to go to doctors appts with him because I ask questions (how else do you get answers?) Well, now I don't feel bad. I am just getting pi**ed.


Argggghh

 

[Hound dog]

(((hugs)))

Mine used Nichole's surgery to take off work today. Then came home with me around noonish, popped himself into bed at 1pm......and never got up.

OMG, I swear........Mine is one man who can literally sleep his entire life away given half a chance.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm not very fond of men today either. ugh

 

[flutterbee]

I'm never generally too fond of them.

I have a lot of pain, too. Sweeping and vacuuming are excruciating. But, somehow I still manage.

Sorry he's being such a jerk.

(((hugs)))

 

[bran155]

Well it must be that time of year - hu? We all hate men lately!!!

 

[Ropefree]

I have a problem mopping and vacuuming due to back. I is no joke. I am not willing to live in the world with others who do not believe it. I am so sick of defending myself about it. NO means NO.
What I said for years is IF anyone loved me they would wash my floor.
That said, clearly he has other atributes and make the most of them.ANd what he needs is a MRI and a functional capacity evaluation. What happened to me was I had all the pain all the time, no body cared I was suffering and my best friend even said "if you went out in your garden with your pick ax like you use to your back would get better" When I finally got the full mri of my spine that was that. I had a much lower function level than I ever dreamed of, and I stopped doing the normal things that I would normally do that would just tortour myself. you know just once, or when it was important...
Best wise up now,my friend the one who said with the pick axe? She had a nasty fall and her back is now bad. I was the first call she made. You do NOT want to learn to understand this the hard way. Dirty floors are beautiful things in comparison...oh yes...love the cobwebs in the rafters and the junk in the rug.
I would have it piled up to the celling with dirt for one day one fine day with no back pain...I would get my sweat on all over...I am just saying.You do not want to learn about it in your own back. So take the close second. Learn about it from living with it in another.

 

[Lothlorien]

Ropefree....what gives? You seem to be picking fights with everyone on the board lately.

 

[crazymama30]

husband has had several mri's, ct scans, x-rays, bone scans, dexa scans, and who knows what else. My main concern and *itch rope free is that he went and worked out and can cause pain that way and cause more degeneration than vaccuuming and mopping. I do not expect it all the time, but once a year would be nice.

 

[hearts and roses]

Boy do I feel your pain. Can I join the b!tchfest?

Yesterday, it got up to about 45°F here, warm enough to chip away at the enormous boulder at the end of our driveway that scrapes the bottom of my car every time I enter and leave the house. Also warm enough to chip away at the ice that lines the path where I take the pups out to pee.

What did my H do yesterday? Nothing. He ran some errands for work in the morning, watched some tv, dallied on his computer (and I say that nicely), and then, before he left for an appointment at 5PM, he turned on the dishwasher. And he wasn't in pain.

He had all day to get rid of the ice. By nightfall, it grew colder and that was that. Now we're getting more snow, so there is no chance of chipping the ice away.

When I stay home from work, I catch up on all my chores (just to get them out of the way) and usually will begin a long overdue project. Rarely do I just lounge on the couch anymore - there is always something to do.

I understand, it was just sweeping, but c'mon. My mom used to give us all a job to do every Saturday morning when we were kids and after we were done she'd 'inspect' our work. I remember her saying (all too often), "If you're going to do a job half- , then don't do it at all" and then make us do it over again until it was up to her standards. That may seem like the extreme, and it probably is, but I don't understand why the simplest little things just can't be done and done well and in a timely manner. Pain, Shmain. I work through colds, asthma and allergies, jeepers, I was even up and doing things when I had a slipped disc.

 

[crazymama30]

Thank you jog, and feel free to join.

 

[Ropefree]

If you want to make a better deal with him over the household chores then do that.
Hire a housecleaner occationally so that you can focus on other interests besides these types of things. With regular help with this the house will be less of a chore sore point for you, anyway.
When I had housemates in a big glorious home the males did not do any housework when I moved in and I and the other female in the place did the chores on our days off. You know, because we wanted to enjoy the place.
So one day she was fetching with deep resentment over the fact that these guys were not helping out and our days off were spent doing all of it.
ANd that is what we did. We made a dinner had a house meeting and set down this new idea.
It is fair. If their are hours of chores that have to be done unless everyone is doing a fair share of that work they pay someone to regularly do their part.
Depending on how challenging the home you share is to maintain that might look like a housekeeper once a week or everyother week.
If I wasn't stuck myself economicly I would have a housecleaner in a hot second rather than spend my free time doing housecleaning I prefer very much other uses for my time.
As a selling point to your husband that he needs to have someone to do his fair share if he is choosing not to pick up after himself and complete the daily weekly monthly chores he needs to stop poluting the environment he lives in for others.
Gloria Stienums radical acts talk she does a wonderful job of encouraging taking steps to improve our own life. I like the part where after hearing her talk a woman "found it useful to nail her husband shorts to the floor".
Now we have surveilance and it is possible to nail the shorts to the floor and then have a record of how many times he walks by them AND THEN that glorious moment when he tries to pick them up.

 

[Star*]

Ahhhhhh don't be so angry. I say LET THE MAN INCREASE his ENDURANCE.

That way when you beat him up - he'll last longer than one smack.



(we were on parallel lives last night I belive...I too asked for sweep and vacuum and got "I visited with my friend) - I'm mostly sorry I sold the Tony Little Gazelle - I would have told mine to build up his endurance.

 

[hearts and roses]

Gloria Stienums radical acts talk she does a wonderful job of encouraging taking steps to improve our own life. I like the part where after hearing her talk a woman "found it useful to nail her husband shorts to the floor". Now we have surveilance and it is possible to nail the shorts to the floor and then have a record of how many times he walks by them AND THEN that glorious moment when he tries to pick them up.

AMEN TO THAT, Ropefree!

 

[flutterbee]

Ropefree, I think the point is that CM's husband uses his pain as an excuse to not help around the house, but he doesn't let it get in the way of doing things HE wants to do.

I live with chronic pain, too. Sometimes, you just have to svck it up and do what needs to be done and stop being selfish.

CM is working and going to school trying to better their lives while husband is being a jerk at the moment. She has gone above and beyond to be understanding and empathetic to her husband. She has every right to be frustrated. There is no point to invalidating her feelings. That's pretty much kicking someone while they're down.

We don't try to pick fights on this board. We don't try to lecture.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Think I just would have made a sign to sit beside the washer...... Forgive the mess, my husband cleaned.......

I try not to get too upset with my husband, he is better at other things and I already have high blood pressure........

 

[totoro]

My husband has chronic pain, but unless it is keeping him from Golfing, then he is helping me.
When he is laid up and can not walk, I am completely understanding.
But hey this our place to and complain! Whether we are right or wrong!
The way I look at at it, somehow I am always justified in my opinions when it comes to my husband!!! LOL
And so are every one of you! Just because.
CM it sounds like he was being a tad selfish. he could of been building up the endurance on the old broom or mop! Work it!

 

[crazymama30]

I am better today. husband is really bad off, I think it is the BiPolar (BP) and the pain, as he has what I have termed(and no offense meant to BiPolar (BP)'ers) sketchy BiPolar (BP) eyes. I am feeling really bad for him. I can't help but think that this could have something to do with his building up his endurance. sigh. He goes to see the pain doctor tommorrow, so that is good. That doctor frustrates me. He told husband he should get partial disability. Uhh, they do not have that in Oregon. YOu are either disabled or you are not.

He did help today, not with cleaning but did go take care of something for me and was here when the repairman was. He, I think, finally understood my point.

Thanks for listening guys, sometimes I just need to blow off steam.

 

[susiestar]

CM, you are welcome to blow off steam here anytime. We all have times we need to vent and it is better to vent here than to blow up at someone at home or work.

This is a SAFE place to land for us.

I hope your husband is feeling better soon, and am glad that he is somewhat able to see your point today.

Ropefree, we do not appreciate lectures or having someone invalidate our feelings. I am sure your pain is real. I am sure you cope with it your own way. I am also sure you would rather have the people in your life vent their frustrations with you on a forum where they can get support than to have those people yell at you in utter frustration.

Of course, you might not 'get it' when they yelled in frustration at you. Please stop lecturing and trying to pick fights or tell us how you are 'better' than we are.

 

[helpimlosinit]

Im losing it. My ODD daughter is driving me crazy. She is 16, bipolar and ODD and stongly influincing her 14 year old sister. Im a single mom who works 3 jobs and is at a loss for how to deal with her behavior. She was supposed to be at Softball meeting after school the other day, instead she and little sis were getting high sniffing glue. I come home from work to them trying to kill each other, literally. I dont know what to do. I called police and they took her to juvenile hall overnight and called me next am to pick her up. I called church and had them talk to her. It has been a few days and it is just getting worse. Any advice on how to cope, or any ideas on how to gain more compliance. Cuz Abilfy sure aint' doing the trick.

 

[DammitJanet]

CM....I so understand your pain...lol. Or really I think my Tony does. I am in your hubby's shoes. You are in Tony's shoes. I am the one with BiPolar (BP) and chronic pain. My house is a disaster area and I cant do the heavy cleaning stuff. Of course, I cant go to the gym either...lol. I think Tony would look at me like my head was on backwards if I did that and skipped out on attempting to pick up.

I feel so quilty over the condition of my house. I would love to hire a housekeeper just one time to get it really clean. I think if I did that maybe I could keep it clean because I only really have the three of us here and Billy doesnt use any other part of the house but his room and his bathroom and he is responsible for keeping those clean. Not that he does but I can close the doors on them...lol. If I could get the rest of the house clean one time...really clean....I could just pick up every day what we do that day. Right now it is such a mess from when everyone lived here. Isnt that horrible? I am so bad but I have been sick for so many years and no one would help me.

Sorry to vent on your post...it just struck home with me. I know how you feel.

 

[rejectedmom]

i say let the man increase his endurance.

That way when you beat him up - he'll last longer than one smack.

rotfl! -rm