Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterflydreams, Jun 3, 2008.

  1. Yesterday afternoon, about 2 hours before the end of my work day, difficult child calls me (he has 1/2 day of school through Wednesday which is the last day of school) and asks if I can come home from work early. What?? It was only because he wanted to go to the game store and exchange a video game that he just got and doesn't like. WHAT?? I told him I can't just take off of work and I need to get back to work.

    When I get home difficult child starts in on "when we leave" talking again about the video game store. I wasn't even 2 feet in the door at this point. He is going on and on about his idea and how he knows I have to cook dinner and he knows that I am tired, but he has this idea about going to the video store before I get busy doing anything. Ugh! I look around and not only is the garbage not taken out and some boxes I wanted him to take out to the trash, but there is stuff all over the floor. I told him no, we weren't going today, that we could go Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday, I will be off in the afternoon because of a doctors appointment and I am picking him up from home afterwards to take him to sign him up for Boys and Girls Club, I told him we could exchange it after that.

    I proceed to start assembling things for dinner and difficult child starts up again. Then gets into that he thought it was a good idea because it met everyone's needs, but he guesses it was a bad idea just like everything else he ever comes up with. He is going on and on about having bad ideas. Still no garbage going out. I just continue cooking dinner.

    After dinner he starts in on me again and now he wants to go swimming. Still no garbage out. I tell him that he needs to do his chore before asking to go somewhere or do something. He starts throwing a fit about taking out the garbage and wanting to do it later and picking up the few things on the floor (video game cartridges, his shirt, a bowl and cup). He also desperately needs a shower and I couldn't get him to take one the day before (actually he hasn't had one since the middle of last week). This goes on for about 45 minutes. He finally cleans the stuff up, but is adamant about not taking a shower. He apologized to me about throwing a fit, but he still wasn't going to shower. He put his pj's on and laid down and fell asleep.

    Meanwhile, my sometimes easy child daughter gets all full of attitude because I wont call and check into some talent agency thing for her. I am so totally strapped financially. She has to go to summer school in July. She wants her drivers license. She has scheduled her drivers test for July 2, but she still has 40 hours of practice time to do and is not making any attempt to do it. She has started several different things and can't seem to complete any of them including school. She lays around all day and won't do anything unless you specifically tell her to do something (even to the point of cleaning up after herself when she makes something in the kitchen). She took off storming to her room and slammed the door and was bawling her eyes out. I tried to explain that the classes that the agency put you through cost money and that they have a time commitment too. I work all day and can't run her here or there and I don't have an extra $600 or $700 to throw out. I understand she loves to sing and has really been working on her voice. She has a beautiful voice, but I can't afford that.

    She is being treated for depression and sometimes her mood swings are off the charts. But man-o-man sometimes I just want to run away.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

  2. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know I went thought similar things with difficult child. And I for whatever reason tried all the time to expalin things. IE: Well You didn't take out the trash, you need to pick this and that up, you this, you that, you didn't this. And this would give difficult child an opportunity to come back to me each time with his WHY he could do it later, tomorrow, never, etc.

    In therapy my therapist told us to start a new chart. I have been literally charted to death during the times Dude was here and winced my face and said NO not another chart.

    He suggested that I pick 3 chores or less Monday - Sunday and put a check by each one myself when they were done. If all 3 chores were done and I had 21 checks at the end of the week WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK.......THEN and ONLY then did we discuss WHAT Dude wanted to do. (like your video store) and THE REWARD WAS given a week AFTER. So there was NO - skipping or borrowing a day out on credit. NO credit.

    It was a little hard to stick to at first, but what I was instructed to do when I got the WHINER was to point to the chart and say NOTHING. If His 3 chores WERE done each day without ASKING then he got a star. 7 Stars got him a bonus of $7.00 for use when we went to the flea markets or garage sales. Or he could instead use all 7 star credits for a 1 time use of getting OUT of 1 daily chore.

    The beauty of the whole thing for me was I had to say NOTHING to whining boy all week long. I just pointed. I did NOT engage in a battle, I did NOT encourage him to debate me - I just pointed like a broken and rewinded picture over and over - point - walk away.

    It did work. 3 chores done EVERY day = 3 checks. 3 checks done every day = 1 bonus star. 21 checks = a reward he chose, total of 7 bonus stars could be turned in for $7, credit on 1 chore a week and no talking - just point.

    Maybe this will help.

    Venting, of course, is the biggest help. lol

    ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - yup all better now.
  3. Thank you so much! I love the idea. I am going to make up a chart like that. I am so tired of the excuses and trying to explain myself.

    And yes, the venting helps alot! lol

  4. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    Thank you for sharing the chart. I need a chart myself.