Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Sep 22, 2008.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    We went to the store to buy difficult child some candy as easy child has a field trip tommorrow (overnight) so I bought her some goodies. difficult child was upset, and rightfully so. We do not buy a lot of candy, so I told him that after dinner we would go buy his candy. Before dinner I sent difficult child out to ride his bike as he was so out of control and hyper I could not stand it. He came back a little better. He did not want dinner (he never eats dinner, just cannot sit still long enough). So when I was done and things were cleaned up we went to the store. He was still pretty wound up. At the store he slung his car door open as hard as he could and hit the car next to us. After we dealt with that we continued into the store. He started arguing. I said "difficult child, you have 2 choices. Be quiet or go home" He continued to argue. I repeated myself. He kept on and I repeated myself again. He kept on, and we turned around and left. He was yelling what did I do? etc. I just kept walking and we all(including difficult child) got in the car. His gameboy is put up for the evening.

    I am so frazzled. We were going to the store to buy him candy, nothing else. He completely blew it. You know you have a difficult child when they cannot even hold it together to go buy candy. FOR THEM!!!!

    We see psychiatrist next week, and I am glad. I am not sure if the decrease in Lamictal has anything to do with this behavior, but I sure wonder? I am having a beer (my equivalent to :cheers:) and after the kids go to bed may have another.

    Only problem is then I don't know how well I will do with my online math!! lol.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sure you are frazzled- but I think you dealt with this great. You made sure that he knew there was a line there, he kept crossing it, you stopped it and didn't let his tactics work. I know it's hard and nerve-wracking been there done that, but it pays off. I think you did a great job- and you might even decide to pull the line in a little closer and enforce it a little sooner to save yourself some time and heart-ache.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    You know what's crazy? I should have nipped it sooner, but the arguing episode only lasted a minute or two tops. He just kept at it. I now know why I do not take him to the store. It seems pathetic that I cannot take my 5th grader to the store. He is 10, not 2. In chronological age. sigh.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Believe me- I understand. My son is 13 and I still find myself getting caught in that sometimes. It was only this weekend that I dare start saying- point blank- "you have been trying to mainpulate me and it's not going to work- period". I know the kids have their issues, but I figure that they still need to know where the line of what is acceptable is located. Know what I mean?? Don't beat yourself up- the main thing is that when he keopt pushing it, you didn't let that work. You think you have a headache tonight? What kind of headache would you have if you'd let this tactic get him what he wanted? (which really- it sounds to me like he was tired and only wanted to instigate something anyway). You did fine- I don't think he needed candy- maybe he gets candy next time it's a good day for him.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You can't take him to the store, like others can, because he is mentally ill and it sounds like he is now either hypo-manic (to say the least) or reacting to one of his medications. Is he always this hyper? if not, I would wonder about the medication. I had a horrible reaction to Zoloft called akathesia. You can't sit down, let alone sit still. It is unhelpful to compare our k ids to other ones their age because they do not behave age appropriately, which is partly why they are difficult children. But it's usually not their faults.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    My boys have now been put on a "I'm not going to be seen in public with you" moratorium for 3 weeks now.

    They've been told: Treat me with respect in a store/park/sporting event or you will not go anymore. We had a "I'm not leaving" "neither am I" episode 3 weeks ago, I left, they ran through the store to catch me, I took them home, sent them to bed (it was 11:00 am on a Saturday) and the declaration has been made.

    difficult child 2 FINALLY, just last night, got to run to Target with me because we were out of toilet paper. Oh MY! What a polite child! :rofl:

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    CrazyMama, good job.
    One thing I discovered with-my difficult child was that "arguing" was a word he didn't understand. If I said, "Talking constantly in a loud voice," then he'd get it.
    I often have to re-word things so he understands.
    It's taken me yrs to understand that HE didn't understand half the time.
    Still, you did the right thing.
    It's not easy, but I suspect next time will be easier. I cannot tell you how many times I had to go through that routine to make it work smoothly.
    Get some rest.
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    MWM, difficult child is always hyper. Sometimes it is better than others, and now is very bad. I would not be surprised if he is hypomanic, but I have a hard time distinguishing from his baseline hyper (ADHD) and hypomanic. At his usual baseline he is more redirectable, and now he is not.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is one of the things I regret heavily from my kids younger years.

    I wish that I had been so much more consistent when I told them that if they so much as acted up one time in public we would immediately leave. I let them wear me down and caved way too often because I had all three of them and felt it was unfair to make all three leave somewhere fun just because one kid was acting up. Dumb of me.

    Many times one kid was cutting the fool say at McDonalds and I should have turned right around and walked out...food or no food. We could have had PB&J that night. It wouldnt have killed anyone and peer pressure probably would have been a good thing. I could have easily walked out of the grocery store and left a full basket of food and gone home and come back later to shop alone. I was stupid.

    They learned to play me. Trust me on this one, the grands will not be playing grandma.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    FWIW, my difficult child 2 became MORE hyper on stimulants as his mood disorder became more prominent. Lamictal tends to help more for depressive mood problems. difficult child 2 was put on Depakote to help with-hypomania and it curbed that pretty well.
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    It could be. I am just so confused at this point. I am worried about changing medications as difficult child has been on depakote and lithium, and both were horrible for him. They caused aggressiveness like I do not want to see again. We need to do something. We see psychiatrist next week. He has not suggested an AP lately, and I wonder if he will do that. I was resistant last time he mentioned it, but after seeing what a difference they made for husband I am willing now. The name is just awful. Anti psychotic. Can't they give them better labels? I already have difficult child labeled as OHI and ED (emotionally disturbed) at school for his IEP, so why did I have a problem with anti psychotics?
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    CM- don't get too worried just yet!! Two mood stabilizers plus an AP is a very common mix for bipolar. That is what my son is on now. His mix isn't right, I don't think but it has been effective in the past.
  13. Charmedpea

    Charmedpea New Member

    We had an episode tonight. She wants new sneakers.

    My mom moved into a new apartment tonight. difficult child new we were moving her, my brother came up from south columbus to help us. All she kept saying when are we going to get my shoes. When we are done we can go, if not we will go tomorrow. I told her i'm not spending more then 20.00 bucks. I cant tell you how many shoes she has. anyway, I new going to the sporting good store it would cost more then that but I have to admitt we have had really go deals from their before. 10.00 yea.. Of course she always trys and usually get a much more expensive pair.

    I told her nope their is nothing here we will go another night. Well she threw a fit in the store. i tried to explain, that if she would stop destroying stuff i would have the money. And who knows if i will have to pay ex friends medical bills. difficult child is piling up I cant keep up with them.

    She was expelled and now has a court date for attacking another student. she went after her when her back was turned and couldnt defend her self. so now we have a court date. ok back to the fit she had. I'm not going home with you. now its dark and she is walking home. she went to a friends house and insisted on staying their. I am to tired to fight with her. I did speak with the mom and make sure the parent was going to be their.

    and of course its all my fault, quote from her earlier what kind of mother are you because i remindered her how she got in the spot to begin with. because she doesnt think before she acts, and acts on impulse which might land her behind in jv.