*Warning* This is another Pharm vent. So if you're sick of hearing me carry on about Pharm, click out now and save yourselves. I *thought* I was doing better. I wasn't, not really. I suppose one decent test grade......and the one great grade on the quiz.......doesn't really mean that I've caught on. Cuz I haven't. I am not kidding nor exaggerating when I say I'm spending 6-8 hrs a day on pharm. On the weekends it is more like 12-14. And it is getting me NOWHERE! husband drills me. Students go over it with me. I clearly cannot figure out what I'm doing wrong. So I've attempted to modify my methods. I've tried following the instructors advice. I've tried what has worked for me before. I've even tried what worked for me 30 yrs ago. Every single week it seems like the instructor magically manages to put into questions things that I've either not spotted in the chapter as being significant.....or come up with some mystical facts that other students appear to have knowledge of that I don't. Maybe it's just zipping over my head?? I dunno. Like today's exam.......I felt like I knew this material better than any chapter before it. I was dedicated to my study. I was focused. I was remembering stuff like never before and actually keeping things straight. husband drilled me and was impressed. (he's getting pretty good at it now) I was fairly confident. But I wasn't about to let myself feel over confident. So I went over the material before bed last night and yet again this morning. I went over it again at noon just to keep it fresh. I was not nervous over the test. I knew by the time I turned the first page I was in trouble. I didn't have a clue where most of the **** she was asking was coming from. I'll give you an example. Sulfonamides are your folic acid inhibitors (antibiotics). I knew that. But the question asked what vitamin we'd give to a patient taking a sulfonimide medication. First off, I recalled no where in the entire chapter that it said to give a vitamin for any of the antibiotics. And I'd been over the chapter with a fine toothed comb. I did recall that there are minerals that you don't take with certain ones...... So I chose the encourage the patient to eat a well balanced diet answer. The correct answer was to give them folic acid. The other students knew this, it was no apparent suprise to them. So? When I got home and looked it up.......I swear to you it is no where to be found to give a patient taking sulfonamide's folic acid. grrrr! It wasn't in her lecture nor her power point either because I did both of those this time. I will go over the chapter again tomorrow to look for it. I'm far too livid tonight, so perhaps I missed it. But the other students are not mind readers, so it has to state it somewhere, somehow that would have given them that impression. This has been what's been happening, folks and I just don't know how to fight it. I barely passed last weeks exam with a 78. This week's I flunked with a 75. (and I studied twice as hard) easy child has it in her head I'm over studying. I'm a bit unsure how you can "over study" so darn much information. But maybe she is right. I'm the irritating student who does not ever read the book, I don't pour over notes for hours on end. Example: for medication Surg and Fundementals.........I've not read a single chapter, nor did I all last quarter. Same for Patho last quarter. I read over the notes a few times and that was about it. I'm so fed up it's not funny. I'm no genius. I'm in my opinion not even exceptionally bright, although I'm far from stupid. But I do have a "gift" for this sort of thing and usually a memory for it that I don't have (most especially after the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)) for other things. I'm not against hard work, or studying. I'm not lazy either. But I am definately fed up with nearly killing myself just to continue to fail. I can barely look at the material and make the same grades I'm making at the moment. I mean c'mon, what did I waste my time putting in all that friggin effort for?? So, I'm just reading the chapters each night. No more extra notes. No more pouring over her darn lecture and power points. I'll read/listen to them once and that's it. No more putting in umteen endless hours. If I fail, then I fail. My stomach has been killing me for 2 weeks. I'm always exhausted. I'm beginning to dread getting up and going to school each morning. And worst yet, I'm beginning to really not care. If I do fail, I do not plan to return to the program. I'm horribly disappointed by it. I feel cheated. I feel like I just threw my money and the past 4 years away. I'm going to owe a small fortune I'm not going to be able to pay back on walmart salary. When I came home this evening it was not pretty. Actually, I have never been so utterly frustrated and thoroughly livid since before husband and I were married. I quite literally exploded, unnerving husband and all the furbabies. Alarmed the furbabies so much that each of them tried their darndest to make Mom feel better. I don't think at this point anything can make me feel better. So I'm going back to my normal way of doing things and maybe easy child's theory is right. Maybe I am over studying. I hope so. Because at this point it is The Chips are going to fall where ever they fall. I'm not quitting. They'll have to flunk me out. But I am done killing myself. I am so mad, frustrated, and bummed. I'd burst into tears except that I'd probably never stop.