I am brand new here, but I am so pleasantly surprised to find a support group that fits my needs Right now I am struggling with difficult child 1. Let's see, here are SOME OF his current criminal charges: felonies: 2 counts of burglary misdemeanor: violation of Order of Protection..(cont...later in post) Assault with a weapon/no firearm State property vandalism, State property trespassing, Evading a police officer, Theft/illegal possession over $300 Illegal consumption while driving, Sexual assault/battery >5 but between 13 and not yet 17 -> a misdemeanor charge if you can believe that one! -->I call it gang rape since multiple young boys were charged. endless list of speeding over 20,25,& 30 mph over speed limits No insurance ticket as a passenger in his own car Missing driver's license plates on last vehicle impounded Oh sure besides that I'm forgetting so much more, of course I left out his juvenile record that was sealed at 17and protected from even me, his BM herself! By the time we add in the social problems(fighting and stabbings etc), personal relationship problems (girlfriend issues, stalking, etc) drug addictions and complete alcoholic tendancies, ETC ETC ETC we are seeing with a pretty big issue (warrants, conflicts, lawyers, courts) nearly every day. He did co-op for a school year at Steak N Shake. He did get certified in all stations there. Consist 2 week suspensions for such things as threatening others with a paint ball gun, vandalism, fighting, and stealing, besides laziness and all, he is still attending an alternative school. He is now a club promoter for a 18+ nightclub downtown. He has pictures all over his net pages of him drinking and some drugging, and the tattoos and tongue piercings. Daily drinking and nearly daily drugging. The last ordeal that I still don't know why he was in county was just two days ago. It takes me a bit to discover what happened because our judicial system records are a bit delayed. Just last Friday was the gang rape ordeal. Of course he asked me for the 1,000 to get out of jail and I never had to say no, because PGM gave his dad the money. <guess she forgot to pay her own son's child support tho totaling $xx,xxx (i hate to see it in print), or to foresee the lawyer bills involved, reported as of Dec 08 totaling $73,000. I'll skip the "dad/denial" post for now. Because I'm sure I'll be pretty ****** after I call him later tonight. I'll also skip the OMG what are you letting our 17yo daughter do? I'll post later on the youngest's case evaluation I am requesting next week at the school. To my defense, I did not allow this behavior. I would not tolerate it. I stopped tolerating it when it was explained to me in Nov 07 that my son was being charged with aggravated domestic battery against his sister, and there was nothing I could do about that. <I did do a lot, but it was repairing the damage and educating my daughters> Yep, in March of 09 the judge ordered a two year RO against my son, for me and my 2 daughters, after numerous civil no contact orders, and a very long temporary order. I still pursued counseling for the child as a remedy which was court ordered but of course "their" dad said it was unnecessary. I've did everything in my power to prevent him getting his DL, and succeeded until he was 17. I never bought a car nor the insurance to get into all of this trouble. I never bailed him out and I repeatedly applied as indigent or gave notarized statements denying any payments to lawyers due to that fact that I held custody. I did 4 years of IEP (his started at 2). His father ended all services because his son wasn't retarded. There went any chances of him continuing the sports programs, which he later disqualified for due to code of misconducts. I did not put the child up in his own apartment (because father suddenly started the same denial behavior with daughter and was hiding HER criminal charges and allowing the same behaviors while she was in my physical custody-thus can't have your 2 kids in your home together with a RO between the two). Of course even his mother denied taking full custody from me of either child at that time, to prevent such a terrible decision for all. I did not out and buy a car at my work in the child's name. I did not let the dealerships be unaware that a crazy kid was driving dealer cars around without insurance. I did not assist with any auto insurance and closing costs and taxes. I didn't risk others safety because of my son's behavior. I screamed loudly to anyone who would listen that the child needed medical attention- "harmful to himself and other". I filed police reports over and over again to provide the documentation for EVERYONE involved. I've known these problems existed from birth, but I can't get his father to see his son for who he is, or the consequences on the girls, let alone practicing proper parenting. Its hard to discipline a child when the father is allowing and permitting and enabling the bad behaviors. Its hard to teach consequences when the child has never seen ANY. Yep, still grieving, continuing to practice detachment, continuing to educate and attempting to make his father understand "enabling". And preparing for the damages this idiotic father will permit his middle daughter to achieve. And protecting the youngest who hasn't seen her brother in nearly two years, and father in almost a year. I know it will never end. It's a roller coaster for life. Thanks tons for listening.