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Parent Emeritus
Venting, updating, just very conflicted right now.
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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 640125" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>Sadly I agree with the ladies. Telling you that someone he knows thinks you guys are good parents is a way of making you feel validated without him having to do the validating.</p><p> </p><p>While I completely understand you not wanting him to associate with these people I also understand that he needs to make that change. When he gets a stable job will the community have resources to assist him with inexpensive housing? Is there an option for him to rent a room somewhere for cheap? I find that when people look for a way out they often make the hurdles much bigger than they need to be. IE: my difficult child is looking to rent an apartment. She should be looking to rent a room. A room is much cheaper. A room requires less of a deposit. A room generally doesn't have major utility charges.</p><p> </p><p>He needs to be given a little guidance and maybe even a small amount of help but other than that he needs to figure it out. You could have a little brainstorming session. Not a what can you do for difficult child session but a what can difficult child do for difficult child session.</p><p> </p><p>Just a few ideas to give him:</p><p>1. Is there a member of the family or community that owns a place he could rent or stay at? Someone who might be willing to wave his first months rent and then have him pay that month back over the next few months or the year? Are there some low rent apartments in town that might be able to help.</p><p> </p><p>2. You all are members of a church do they have resources to help individuals trying to get back on their feet?</p><p> </p><p>3. Do the shelters have contacts who they work with the help people get low cost housing?</p><p> </p><p>4. Do your family members have contacts that could help him?</p><p> </p><p>5. What is he willing to do to earn these things?</p><p> </p><p>It sounds silly but most kids don't think to ask the simple questions. They depend on us to provide the stuff and the answers. If you plant the seeds then he has a generic map of where to go and what to do. If he asks for advice or guidance while trying to navigate the map then provide it. BUT make him do the work.</p><p> </p><p>Mine figured out real quick that it was cheaper to buy groceries than it was to eat out. She also figured out that expensive items were purchased at Holidays as gifts not everyday as a normal item. It took time and slow hints but eventually she figured it out.</p><p> </p><p>Introduce him to a can of tuna a loaf of bread and some mayo. HEHE It's great protein, easy to fix, and cheap as cheap can be. Better yet get him crackers they don't mush up as easy. Peanut butter is a great option too. No cooking required.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 640125, member: 15473"] Sadly I agree with the ladies. Telling you that someone he knows thinks you guys are good parents is a way of making you feel validated without him having to do the validating. While I completely understand you not wanting him to associate with these people I also understand that he needs to make that change. When he gets a stable job will the community have resources to assist him with inexpensive housing? Is there an option for him to rent a room somewhere for cheap? I find that when people look for a way out they often make the hurdles much bigger than they need to be. IE: my difficult child is looking to rent an apartment. She should be looking to rent a room. A room is much cheaper. A room requires less of a deposit. A room generally doesn't have major utility charges. He needs to be given a little guidance and maybe even a small amount of help but other than that he needs to figure it out. You could have a little brainstorming session. Not a what can you do for difficult child session but a what can difficult child do for difficult child session. Just a few ideas to give him: 1. Is there a member of the family or community that owns a place he could rent or stay at? Someone who might be willing to wave his first months rent and then have him pay that month back over the next few months or the year? Are there some low rent apartments in town that might be able to help. 2. You all are members of a church do they have resources to help individuals trying to get back on their feet? 3. Do the shelters have contacts who they work with the help people get low cost housing? 4. Do your family members have contacts that could help him? 5. What is he willing to do to earn these things? It sounds silly but most kids don't think to ask the simple questions. They depend on us to provide the stuff and the answers. If you plant the seeds then he has a generic map of where to go and what to do. If he asks for advice or guidance while trying to navigate the map then provide it. BUT make him do the work. Mine figured out real quick that it was cheaper to buy groceries than it was to eat out. She also figured out that expensive items were purchased at Holidays as gifts not everyday as a normal item. It took time and slow hints but eventually she figured it out. Introduce him to a can of tuna a loaf of bread and some mayo. HEHE It's great protein, easy to fix, and cheap as cheap can be. Better yet get him crackers they don't mush up as easy. Peanut butter is a great option too. No cooking required. [/QUOTE]
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