venting venting venting...........

[Jena]

i'm really not feeling well. im very tired and need some sleep. ive' got little difficult child in room hysterical now because she' sconvincned foot is broken. foot is not broken.

i let her stay up till 10 tonight figuring that would help her go down easier, i didn't give her chlonidine for simple fact i wanted to give her break from drugs being no school tmrw. so so stupid of me let me tell you.

i am realizing now i matter too. i've put my kids first all the time too much so i dont' even take care of me anymore. i should of givne her medication tonight so i could get rest here i was looking out for her yet again and screwing myself in process.

so now shes flying into what looks like who knows went from so so happy then i tickled face back all the usual stuff sang to her gave her a time we have a number game we play i giv eher time on clock she's allowed to tell me she cna't sleep.

she ignored the numbers tonight as soon as i walked away she was after me i'm telling you like a bad episode of hte nanny. then i walk her back in 5 times calmly see thing is its not the nanny she has needs special needs obviously.

so here i am i begged her first i talked to her calmly and said mommy is very sick i need my rest tonight pls. stay in your room for gave her number and think happy thoguhts and do your breathing and then you'll fall asleep...........nope she wasnt having it so now iv'e got the you dnt love me you dont' care aobut me you only care about yourself keepign her sister up who just put her ipod in not to listen to the **** yet another night.

tonight yes i cannot handle her nope not at all. my chest is hurting and i am done now very done. long day and long night movies snacks, etc.

she will plant me in hospital by never ever easing up on me. my day began at 6 a.m. sitting doing project with her and it's now almost midnight. its freaking insane.

ok thanks for letting me get that out i wanted to scream

 

[timer lady]

Many ((hugs)) coming your way this morning.

Okay - done with the touchy emotional stuff for the time being....

DO NOT DO MEDICATION BREAKS! It's simply not worth it. If it's prescribed, it's for a reason.

In fact, given that it's the weekend means nothing to me. kt cannot handle having her structure messed up. She can stay awake one hour later however she's to be in her room.

And her night time medications are taken by 7:45; PRN's by 8:30 if necessary. Every single night - room time is 8:00. No questions, no arguments. She can play in her room, she can watch television. Television is off by 9. She plays or reads quietly until she falls asleep.

Jennifier I had to implement a bedtime routine from day one since the tweedles were placed or I would have lost my mind permanently. There have been bumps in the road, but kt has it down. wm, in his group foster home, has room time down as well.

Saying that, you are the parent, honey. You set the rules....this little game you play with difficult child gives her entirely too much power. Whether she's aware of it or not. And letting her know that you really need the break tonight isn't going to succeed unless you are sure difficult child has some level of empathy.

Please know that I'm not criticizing you......I did some of the very same things early on in kt & wm's placement. At some point, I had to take back my home. My children were running it.......not the adults. That's not to say that interventions weren't put into play (that my neighbors never understood) or that battles weren't chosen very very wisely.

I hope you got some sleep tonight & that the tightness in your chest has lessened. Give difficult child her scheduled medications no matter what - our psychiatrist told me at one point it does no good for him to prescribe them (& he does for a reason) if we good parents decide that our mentally ill children need a "medication vacation". (psychiatrist was scolding me for not using the PRN prescribed for kt more often.)

Back to the touchy emotional stuff - I say these things with great care; not to anger you (I hope I haven't). I'm still learning that if I don't take care of me the rest of "my domestic life" falls apart - especially my difficult children.

Please check back in & let us know how you're doing this morning.

 

[tammyjh]

Yes, you do have to put yourself first and keep reminding yourself that "you DO matter." Easier said than done...I'm still working on this one but I've realized that difficult child hasn't been all that great on my self esteem.

Sorry its a rough night but don't be too hard on yourself. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and hope that you can get some rest somehow over the weekend.

(((((hugs)))))

 

[Jena]

hi

i'm very emotional and tired and sick this mornig. already had fight with boyfriend because he got a text from his wife this morning before leaving for work and i totally overreactedas he stood there responding to it. their friends which is alot of fun for me to handle.

anyway it's chlonidine the dr said only to use it when i needed to.. ok she was up till 5 a.m. it was the worst night ive ever had with her the worst. it was like a nightmare.

i stayed up with her till 1 am he tried going down and talking to her at 1 when he got home to give me a break. she was wired beyond compare im guessing a BiPolar (BP) manic episode.

i can't tell you how hard it was. i said to her well im very sick and need to get rest she was keeping older difficult child up all night i siad go downstairs which isnt' far its an apt. split level go watch tv lay on couch. didn't know what else to do

she proceeded to keep ocming back up in our room asking for computer boyfriend was tired from working all day i was sick ti was horrible simply horrible. if she asked once for easy child she asked ten times then yelled at me when i wouldn't give it to her she told me how annoying i was and that she couldn' stand me.

so i couldnt settle down knowing she was up i get nervous with her awake on her own. she's never done anything weird but who knows. so i kept getting up every half hr to check her never really got any ral sleep until 5 a.m. when i finally said to her tha's it go to bed. she came up into our rooom i wasmust of doozed off for a few min and grabbed his labtop with out us knowing and there she was at 5 a.m. on line.
she's 8

obvoiusly thsi kid's gotta be BiPolar (BP) gotta. eyes were dialted she was wired i feel like **** and i'm sorry i'm complaining so much but i just keep wondering how it is im going to survive another day here with her now

ugh

 

[Jena]

correction: ex wife i just read my post......slipped on that i'm tired

 

[smallworld]

Jennifer, if the psychiatrist said to use Clonidine when you need to, this situation merited it because difficult child was up until 5 am without medications. She needs to sleep, and you need to sleep. And yes, you are right to feel that an 8-year-old shouldn't be up by herself at night. I don't let my 14-year-old stay up by himself when he's having trouble sleeping.

What is your next step in the evaluation process? You absolutely need to figure out what's going on with your difficult child for all of your sakes. Hope today is a better day.

 

[Jena]

hi

just have to go on two parent invetviews next wk. then off to hospital following week.

tonight she gets me'ds with-o a doubt. she's truly bouncing off walls today she's already been in my room singing dancing and jumping up and down on my bed.

she's been diagnosis with bi polar by two diff doctor's, and anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

 

[jannie]

I'm sorry she was up all night....I know you first tried the night without medication....but it wasn't working. Personally, after 11:00 I would have given her the medication. There is no sense in trying to avoid the medication...she needs it....Now, she was up half the night and will be a mess all day. Hugs to you...try and rest...don't feel guilty giving her the medication she needs. Sleep is essential. No one functions well without it. I hope today/tonight is better.

 

[Jena]

hi

thanks. i didn't give it to her because it takes two hours to hit so i figured she'd be down for count by 2 a.m. live and learn.

she's been in quite the chaotic state these past 5 or 6 days. i just posted a new thread on bi polar manic state. if you get a chance take a look.

i think tha'Tourette's Syndrome what i'm seeing. not that it matters. waiting on evaluation. like i said yet was just wondering if other parents with difficult child's with BiPolar (BP) go thru that?

thanks
jen