I am so deflated tonight. I can't sleep. I feel myself getting depressed. I found a flier today in my in basket my daughter had made for me just 1 1/4 years ago. It's an invitation to an afternoon of reading and tea and light jazz. It catapulted me back to how we used to be, the lovely things we did together, how she cared and put effort and love into our relationship. This evening when I talked to her about signing the car over to her, I did not recognize the person sitting across from me. I had no feeling toward her. I felt numb. I don't know who that entitled, rude, abrasive human is. There was no gratitude for getting a car. Only a recognition she is getting what she wants. I had been concerned about the holiday season because it is clear that these 2 adult children of mine do not want to send any holiday activities with us. I dreaded it. And my Higher Power came through for me so hard: I had applied for a holiday clerk position with the post office before my trip to Europe and had just about forgotten about it. Well, I got the job. Which means I will be working , in jeans and sneakers how I had wanted, 6 days a week all the way through January making excellent money. Being needed because they get slammed during the holidays. Giving back to the community processing people's Christmas packages. Making a difference. Daughter got a job at Starbucks full time. She starts Dec 9th. And to share car with her, coordinating schedules , or if that doesn't work having to take my old clunky van where I have to pop the hood and flip a switch to start it and then again when I arrive at my destination is not something I really want to do. So today I made the decision to not wait until May to sign over my car to her. That we can do it now and I can get myself a new car right now. The one I want happens to have zero down lease deals right now and I will make money to pay for the extra lease payment (we were gonna wait til May so hub's car is paid off first). I get a car for me that I don't share. That is truly mine. And for her at 21 it is time she has her own vehicle and gets herself to and from work by herself. I will Transfer the title and she will be responsible for all costs associated with car. Her attitude towards us during that conversation was upsetting. I have decided to treat kids like the adults they claim to be. So I only said "call insurance company, get the quote for your age, and confirm with me when you have the price. If you need help, ask" . Husband tried to give lengthy explanations and she cuts him of that she is not an idiot, she knows this and that. No thanks. No excitement. Just entitlement and a declaration that this gives her what she wants : independence and freedom. And i know this means drinking and MJ. Just like son who got insurance without our input, did not insure car correctly and did not have adequate coverage when car got totalled. She also spoke of moving out. I honestly cannot wait. She spoke of July and I need to communicate the deadline to her of June 1. I told my son that deadline the other day. I want them both out . I went grocery shopping Friday. I no longer take her because she is rude and demanding. She had put some vegetarian items on list and complained I got the wrong ones. No thank you . I realise that I am in victim mode and need to be rise up out of that and start speaking up for myself. I am so tired though. So exhausted yet cannot sleep. I cannot even cry anymore .My grief is gone. All I feel is numb and disgust for how I am allowing myself to be treated. Son when confronted about not cleaning the car literally said to me "I did not feel like it". My kids have no respect for me. I allowed this. Thank you for letting me vent.