Hello, I am new to this site. The reason I named myself Boundaries is because I am not sure where my boundaries lay. I am a Stepmom to a 24 year old woman. I have been with her Father sense she was 5. I want to say that I love her and want what is best for her. I have tried very hard through the years to help guide her. I realize that her Father and I have VERY different parenting skills. In my opinion he never had any. We were not the primary house where she lived. That made it more difficult. She has been stealing from family member, friends, and school for many years. She was caught at school with pot. There were never any consequences. Her Mother covered up for her, her father turned the other cheek. After turning 18 she was arrested many times for shoplifting. The first time she went into rehab she moved in with her Dad, and I. I said finally she will have some rules. We (or should I say I) wrote up a contract. With in two weeks she broke the contract. She found a room at half way house. My husband paid rent for 3 months. Her Mother paid many of her bills for the last year. Oh yes, She has lost countless job (never her fault). She got caught stealing again, and went to rehab again. The courts didnt even give her any consequences except some fines. Her Mother and Father thought for sure she had been clean for almost a year. I never saw any changes from her except she was not getting caught stealing. I told my husband do not get your hopes up Well, here we are now. My Step daughter has taking money out of her Moms safe for over 6 months. Around 50,000 dollars. Her Mother did call the sheriff. The sheriffs did get a written statement from Step Daughter saying she had stolen the money. Her Mom is now taking her food. I am sick because I see her Mother enabling her again. She also called my husband said that if he had any compassion that he should get some food for his daughter. I sent an email with website for the book Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children. I told her that we were buying the book and if she would like to borrow it let us know. I also sent a list of food kitchens and food banks in her daughters area. She set me back an email telling me that she is not an enabler, and one quote from the website that said never stop encouraging them, emotionally supporting them, and loving them. If she has read the book there was a however after that quote. My question is do I stay out of this, or do I fight for my step daughter. My husband stopped enabling for a year now, but again he is passive with talking to his ex-wife. I would love to email the mother and explain that I am not out to be a wicked Stepmom. I am trying to help my stepdaughter. I love her.