Very strange little neighborhood kid ...

[donna723]

Sorry if this gets long. I don't know if there's a problem here or not ... and it's a little disturbing. There's a new family that's moved in to one of the houses on the street behind me. I'm not even sure which house they live in and I've never met or even seen the parents. I came home from work about a month ago and there was this little boy walking down the street. I went inside and came out with one of my dogs on a leash and he came in the yard and started talking to me. He really wanted to pet and play with the dog but you could tell he was a little afraid of her too. I told him she wouldn't hurt him, so he sat down in the grass and was playing with her. He started talking, telling me all kinds of weird things. His name is Trevor and he's almost nine and he doesn't know if any other kids live around here and he likes dogs and his dog is older than his brothers dog so his dog will probably die before his brothers dog ... just a steady stream of chatter. I don't know what it is about him, but there's this air of sadness about him.

I feel sorry for this kid and I don't know why. He's such an odd little guy and seems lonely. His brother is maybe 13 or 14 and appears to be MR. He seems lke a nice enough kid. But I looked out my back door a few days ago and both of them were on my back porch! The older one seems to have speech problems but I finally figured out that he was asking me if I had cable TV or satellite! I looked out the window Sunday and the little guy, Trevor, was sitting on the edge of the street, head down, and appeared to be crying. His bike was in the grass next to my sidewalk and I went outside to see if he was OK. I thought he had hurt himself. And just as I got to him, an older girl came by on a bike and said "He's OK!" When I got closer to him, he appeared to be angry about something, not crying, just mad.

I came home from work Monday and he was waiting for me when I got out of my car! Didn't say hello or anything, he said "Some things are good for me and some things are BAD!" I asked him what was bad ... he said that "these people were staying at their house and the man said the he was going to kill the lady!" It sounds like they have houseguests and that the kids may have witnessed some kind of nasty argument between them. I didn't know whether to take him seriously or whether he's just a very chatty little boy. I didn't know WHAT to do!

I just get such weird vibes from this little guy! I don't know if he's just very lonely and has no one else to talk to or if there's really bad things going on at their house and he's trying to tell me ... I just don't know. He's obviously attaching himself to me and sees me as a "safe" adult to talk to, like he needs someone like that. He's such a sweet little guy and I feel sorry for him. It's just such an odd thing for a child that age to do!

They obviously have an "interesting" homelife. I intend to let him talk all he wants to and see where he's going with all this, but I honestly don't know what to do, if anything. What do you all think? Any ideas? So strange!

 

[nvts]

Wow, this is kinda weird. It sounds like he could be an aspie (like my difficult child 2) or some other kind of "socially inappropriate" little guy. My heart is breaking for him the way you describe him.

I hate to say this, but I think I'd keep listening to him and see if you can get any kind of concrete information from him. I find it very odd that you've not seen hide nor hair of a parental figure yet.

Are they floating around your house on the weekends too?

Keep us up to date. Should he be in school still (we still have the rest of this month)? This whole thing sort of gives me the creeps.

Beth

 

[witzend]

He sounds a bit Aspie to me, too. I don't know what is the right thing to do. Although, if you are going to continue to listen and try to get information, I think I would also try to figure out which house is his, is there a mom or dad at home, does he go to school, that kind of thing. If something that is more concrete does come up, you will probably want to be able to identify him better.

How old is he?

 

[donna723]

He just turned nine. He just had a birthday.

Our school here is out for the summer. I'm not sure if they moved here from somewhere else and just started school here a few weeks before it closed, or maybe they already lived here in town and just moved to a different house. The first time he came to talk, he kept pointing to different houses, asking me if any kids lived there. I live on a quiet side street and they apparently live on the street behind me, I just don't know which house. Most of them are rental houses and people come and go. The kids are always out on bikes though and I've seen the older boy in the grocery store a few times. This little boy is so strange and I can't really see him fitting in very well with the other kids his age.

It's just so puzzling. Some of the things he says are so strange for a kid his age. I don't know if he's just got an overactive imagination, if he's just lonely and wants someone to talk to (and dogs to play with!), or if something is really wrong. I keep thinking that if something is seriously wrong at his house, even if he were being abused or something, he may be trying to tell a "safe" adult who could help him. Then again, he may just be an extra-jabbery little boy! I just don't know.

 

[Abbey]

Gee, Donna...don't know that I would get personally involved, but you might just report it as what you said. Kids can be incredibly honest, or not.

Abbey

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being his "safe" person.

Who knows, that may be all you will be.
Just someone for him to chat with.

It does sound like he is sad. Poor kid.

 

[flutterbee]

He sounds lonely. Poor guy.

I'd keep listening and let it be his safe place. He obviously needs someone to talk to and someone to care.

 

[Lothlorien]

If he's latched onto you and he's doing that to others, he could get himself involved with an adult that's not safe. Can you ask him where he lives and talk to the mom? Just tell her that you wanted to introduce yourself. You can maybe get a better idea of what is going on in that house.

 

[4sumrzn]

Wow, that's a tough situation. I suppose I wouldn't turn him away at all, obviously he does feel "safe" around you & needs that. It's probably a pretty good idea to try to introduce yourself to the adults of the home (if you can pin point the home).....especially since the kids are "hanging" out at your house. So sad, I feel for the boy.

 

[hearts and roses]

I agree with Loth. I think you should try to figure out a non-chalant way of introducing yourself to one of his parents. I wouldn't 'blow the whistle' on his hanging around your house (and dog) as you may be his only healthy outlet. But at least knowing where he lives and with whom would be important to me. You may need that information at a later date.

In the meantime, I think you should make it clear to him, in a nice way, that he should not be in your yard, especially if you're not home - that part kind of freaked me out.

When I first moved here we lived in a condo complex. There was this girl who was a year or so older than my dds. Every Sat/Sun she would come to our house at 7:30 AM and when H would open the door, she'd ask if the girls could come out and play. They were still in bed most of the time, so H would invite her in, give her a bowl of cereal and she'd watch tv until easy child and difficult child woke up. Most of the time, she'd spend the entire day, until well past 5/6 PM with us. She'd come out with us, eat lunch with us, sometimes dinner, she'd help in the garden, play all day. H and I felt so bad because her parents seemed to not wonder or care where she was all day. ONE time her dad and brother came knocking on our door looking for her at around 8PM on a Sunday. She had already left - must have taken a different path home and they missed eachother. Anyway, it was baffling, but without discussing it, H and I just figured she needed a family to cling to at the time.

Maybe that's this little boy's case. I think its great if you can be that safe person in his life, but do be careful how close you allow yourself to get. It could backfire on you. I hate to be so mistrusting, but you just never know.

*Edited to add: My concern is not how the little kid could cause you problems, but how his family could. If his parents are whack, you just never know how they may misinterpret things.

 

[TerryJ2]

I would continue to listen. He's young enough that he probably won't cause you any problems. Trust your gut.

 

[tinamarie1]

I would also just continue to listen. It sounds like he needs you to talk to. We have had several kids come into our house since moving to VA. And a few of them I feel so badly for because they have no true "home life" with parents who care where they are and what they are doing. One of easy child's friends is a boy named Michael and he comes in and helps me in the kitchen and goes places with us. I asked him one day what his dad does and he said hes in the Marines but he has no idea what he does. I just thought, how sad. He lives WITH both parents but is not close to them at all. His mom is a hairdresser and doesn't get home until after 8 pm and his dad is deployed in Iraq right now. I just want to take him in and take care of him.

 

[donna723]

To clarify a bit, they don't really "hang out" at my house and have never been inside. The little one, Trevor, comes up to talk to me whenever he sees me outside, usually when I'm taking one of the dogs out. He's never come and knocked on the door or anything. The older boy was only there once, when they came up on the back porch, and the little one actually seemed kind of apologetic about his brother.

I don't think he talks to the other neighbors, just me. It's just that he's such an odd little kid and some of the things he says raise a few red flags - things that may or may not be of any consequence. I'm definately going to let him talk and see what else he comes up with. He may have a awful situation at home ... or he may have perfectly lovely, concerned, responsible parents who are doing the best they can. It's just that if there IS something wrong, I would hate to think that he had picked me to confide in and that I didn't listen to him!

 

[Star*]

Good Grief!!! As I was reading this I thought it could have been Dude at one point. Really.

We moved a couple of times after I left my x. We stayed with a friend for a day until my x threatened on the phone to kill her and her family - then we were asked to leave. So we lived in our van for about a week (not fun) and then I traded out cleaning and such for a room in a converted garage. This was all very stressful to Dude. We moved a lot before that. We both hated it.

When we moved into a rental house - we had neighbors, and kids and Dude has never met a stranger - and I don't know if the neighbors had ever met a stranger kid. The lady kitty corner to us had 2 dogs a weiner dog and a terrier. Dude introduced himself and became the instant "info-giver" to the neighborhood with this friendship. He started coming home with tales about "spanky" and I thought for the longest Spanky was an imaginary friend. He even painted a picture in art class of spanky. Every where we went - it was like "Moooom spanky isn't in the car." kinda deal. When I finally MET this woman and her dog SPANKY I we so relieved.

This could be a difficult child kid that the parents MOVED from a school district that wasn't helping to YOUR neighborhood. He could just be lonely. He could just be overwhelmed with his MR brother and other sibs in the house. But if you want to know and since it seems like he has a sister too - I'd ask him the next time or her - which house is theirs. Then I'd head to the dollar store and get some bubbles, jump ropes, sidewalk chalk and bake a plate of brownies or even better some freezer pops. Then I'd go to the house, knock on the door and tell the Mom that this is a welcome to the neighborhood package - that you don't have kids his age to play with, but maybe hand her a list of clubs or organizations that would - like a local Tball team or swim club, golf, tennis - parks and recreation schedule something like that.

I think that would break the ice - and let the Mom know that you have kids - so you "get" kids, and arent' allergic and maybe she would tell you he's a chatter box or maybe the conversation would lead to Special Education. topics.

I think I can pretty much tell by meeting someone in their own home if the kid is "out there" or if the whole family is in crisis. You have a very great gift of humor Donna - and I think you could read this family fairly well.

A sure fire way to find out if the kid was telling the truth about the man hitting the woman? Go to the door, tell his parents what he said and see if he comes back again. If she got mad for him opening his mouth chances are he wouldn't come back. If nothing happened she would probably tell you he has a vivid imagination. To me it sounds like he's got some PTSD going on and he's trying to process what he saw with you.

hard to tell - hey at least he likes dogs. Walking a dog is great therapy.

Hugs
Star

 

[mstang67chic]

Poor kid.

I would try to meet one or both of the parents though. The "welcome to the neighborhood" thing is a good idea. Or maybe since he likes your dog, introduce yourself and ask if he would be interested in walking your dog a couple of times a week, or help you in your yard....something like that. At least then, you can try to get a handle on what's going on in that house which could help you figure the boy out better.

Personally, I wouldn't tell the parents what he said. I would worry that it WAS something big and that he could really be in REAL trouble if the parents found out he said something. Or at least wait till you have a better idea on the dynamics of the house. But, that's just me. We've had neighbors who shouldn't have been parents, give a big bum whooping just for talking to us.

I would, though, keep talking to him even if you can't meet the parents for whatever reason. Something is going on whether he's Aspie or something at home.