My parents just cancelled seeing us on J's birthday (today). Why? because they have to tell gfgbro not to show up. My mother called and said I am trying to control her household and who she can have over. I don't agree. I just don't want to spend a week of nights wtih my kids having panic attacks and nightmares. Is that so unreasonable? WHat an ogre I am. We MUST call before coming over. That has been the rule since I got married and moved out. Even when we lived wtih them while husband was in grad school - at THEIR invitation and idea, NOT our request - we had a few nights a month that we all left and called before we came home. Gfgbro NEVER calls. He just "pops in" if they have company he wants to see. ONE time about four years ago I told my mom we would not celebrate holidays with gfgbro - ONLY because SHE TOLD ME it would be the best thing. A month later seh was hysterical and my dad was furious and how dare we not be with the whole family. Ever since I first went to college I have had tdocs telling me to cut ties with him totally. I NEVER did it because it would hurt my parents. NOt until last year when he terrified my kids did I do it. EVERY time I spoke about him with a dv counselor they said it was abuse - not letting you get away until he has ranted and raved until he is a bit calmer is abuse. But not to my parents. I am DONE WITH THEM. IT HURTS. I WISH THEY CARED AS MUCH ABOUT MY KIDS AS THEY DO MY ALCOHOLIC AHOLE BROTHER! How come WE are not as important as he i? He can do any danm thing he wants, give them the litany of his problems day after day with NO consequences. They are raising his child this year because he married a crazy person and woldn't report HER abuse of his daughter but gave her enough rope to report him even though the reports are spurious. NOw gfgbro just tried to call here. The kids hung up on him. I don't give a shoot if he calls. NO ONE in my house will speak to him. IF ANYONE tries to interrogate my kids over this I WILL refuse all access to ALL of them. I have NOT restricted their access to my parents other than making it crystal clear that if gfgbro comes over then they are to leave even if they have to go to the corner store and call for a ride home. Or lock themselves in a bathroom until one of us gets there. WHY do they have to choose J's birthday to do this? I would just as soon have handled this ANY other day. I know my mom invited us over to try to do a big family celebration with gfgbro there as a "reconciliation for J's birthday gift" because she thinks this "rift" is hurting my kids. They have been happier this year than any before - fewer nightmates, panic attacks, etc.... Jess at least is opening up about things that gfgbro and his ho of a wife have done. I hope as she opens up and works with me and her therapist she will keep healing. But she is still very angry at gfgbro, as I am, and she is FURIOUS that my mother did this on her birthday. I don't think seh will even speak Occupational Therapist (OT) my momfor a while - and that is HUGELY angry for her.