The Holidays are coming. Need I say more? Several times since last winter, L has tried to impose her ideas of how to fix my relationship with my family upon me. I tell her I respect her right to her relationship with them, but I don't want one with them. Unfortunately, I always fall for the "why". Then it digresses into a screaming match. husband and I decided with our therapist that if I did not want this to happen again, that I needed to tell her I wouldn't tolerate it again and since my basic respect for her had been lost, she needed to understand that it was an ultimatum that it was none of her business and she couldn't try to dictate my relationship with my family to me anymore. So, husband, L, her dad and I went to dinner last night. I told her that there were only two ways we could deal with my family between us. One, that I could ask how they were, and she could reply without trying to "fix" the relationship, or two, we could never talk to each other about them again. Her reply was "I won't stop trying to change you because you're untrustworthy because you won't make up with them." It went on for two hours. I broke into tears twice. Even her dad tried to explain to her that all I was trying to do was to allow her to have her own relationship with my family and ask her to do the same for me. They're not interdependent upon each other. It got nowhere. We got it around to where we could gracefully leave the table without tearing up the restaurant. I got home and I got a text from her. "I love u. I would like to try to make a fresh start." Now, mind you, L's fresh starts always involve whoever has the power starting fresh from their position of power and whoever is being bullied maintaining their position as underdog. I told her that the time to start fresh was last night at dinner when I pleaded with her to do so, but instead she chose to be a bully. I told her if she felt she was anything other than a bully she was not seeing things as they really were and needed to get help.