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Very weird problem
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 662555" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think young people feel entitled only if we entitle them, like hand them money after they have left t he house, buy them cars or houses, hand them money just because...a young adult doesn't grow up to be entitled just because. I can honestly say none of my kids are, even the ones who were Difficult Child. Why? They had to buy their own cars, the money stopped at 16 if they didn't have jobs (exception Jumper due to her sports, but she is not entitled anyway), and they learnedthat working for their things is the way of the world.</p><p></p><p>Nobody can feel entitled if nobody does adult things for adult children. I am always amazed at how much money some parents spend on t heir grown even married adult kids then get upset w hen they expect it. And even further, they often feel it is their due so t hey can ANGRY if we suddenly think it's time to stop the money train.</p><p></p><p>THIS I think is specific to how t he child was raised. If a child knows he won't be expecting money from Dad and Mom, he learns how to make money himself. Jumper did get some money, but not a lot. She is so thrilled to have a job and finally excess money. She is buying clothes, a new bed, etc. She often got second hands. She works as much as possible and plans to save for a plane ticket to Europe next year witht her friends. She did not ask us to help her. She will do it and she'll do it herself.</p><p></p><p>Sending money to adult kids is enabling them to me even if they are good kids. It still makes them expect it. That in my opinion only is not good character building. A strong work ethic is mandatory, at least in the U.S. You get nowhere without one. And a work ethinc is not mom and dad giving over money until they have none and there is nothing they can do but get the money themselves, without knowing how.</p><p></p><p>I have always been against letting kids get away without working and learning to make their own money. Or free neew crs "because he can't walk or ride his bike."</p><p></p><p>Yes, he can. Or he'll make sure he works and saves up for a used car and maybe learn how to fix a used car too.</p><p></p><p>There is a difference between short term helping with expected of at least some payback and long term enabling, which makes adult children expect their parents to hand it over. Too much of THAT going on and it's not the kid's fault. It's how they were brought up and what they have always had.</p><p></p><p>This is not directed at any one person here. Just saying. Sometimes we have to step back and see what we are doing and t he monster we are creating. Do we want our adult child to stand alone or need us? We have a lot to do with whether he will do it or won't do it. There is a bigger chance he won't do it, if we do it.</p><p></p><p>Again, disclaimer: JMO</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 662555, member: 1550"] I think young people feel entitled only if we entitle them, like hand them money after they have left t he house, buy them cars or houses, hand them money just because...a young adult doesn't grow up to be entitled just because. I can honestly say none of my kids are, even the ones who were Difficult Child. Why? They had to buy their own cars, the money stopped at 16 if they didn't have jobs (exception Jumper due to her sports, but she is not entitled anyway), and they learnedthat working for their things is the way of the world. Nobody can feel entitled if nobody does adult things for adult children. I am always amazed at how much money some parents spend on t heir grown even married adult kids then get upset w hen they expect it. And even further, they often feel it is their due so t hey can ANGRY if we suddenly think it's time to stop the money train. THIS I think is specific to how t he child was raised. If a child knows he won't be expecting money from Dad and Mom, he learns how to make money himself. Jumper did get some money, but not a lot. She is so thrilled to have a job and finally excess money. She is buying clothes, a new bed, etc. She often got second hands. She works as much as possible and plans to save for a plane ticket to Europe next year witht her friends. She did not ask us to help her. She will do it and she'll do it herself. Sending money to adult kids is enabling them to me even if they are good kids. It still makes them expect it. That in my opinion only is not good character building. A strong work ethic is mandatory, at least in the U.S. You get nowhere without one. And a work ethinc is not mom and dad giving over money until they have none and there is nothing they can do but get the money themselves, without knowing how. I have always been against letting kids get away without working and learning to make their own money. Or free neew crs "because he can't walk or ride his bike." Yes, he can. Or he'll make sure he works and saves up for a used car and maybe learn how to fix a used car too. There is a difference between short term helping with expected of at least some payback and long term enabling, which makes adult children expect their parents to hand it over. Too much of THAT going on and it's not the kid's fault. It's how they were brought up and what they have always had. This is not directed at any one person here. Just saying. Sometimes we have to step back and see what we are doing and t he monster we are creating. Do we want our adult child to stand alone or need us? We have a lot to do with whether he will do it or won't do it. There is a bigger chance he won't do it, if we do it. Again, disclaimer: JMO [/QUOTE]
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