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Very weird problem
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 662569" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Alternative perspective... Maybe he has more challenges than Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Perhaps not to a level that meets diagnostic cut-offs, but various traits can show up... especially when life gets more complex. I'm not going to even try to diagnose, but... here's a couple of things I noticed.</p><p> </p><p>Being asked to do things... requires a change of plans. Which is a "transitioning" issue. It's not an uncommon problem in kids with challenges - for example, autism spectrum. But it's a trait that can show up as a stress response: it's a challenge raising a toddler, etc. Work load requires being on his toes all the time. Maintaining a relationship with is wife. Keeping friends. He's DOING all of it... but it may be a fair load, and not come as easily as he makes it look. And then he's asked to be flexible on top of that and... can't wrap his brain around it fast enough. A toddler's growth speed alone is enough to be a challenge with transitions!</p><p> </p><p>Feeling "owned". Typical of kids this age who have generous parents. I've been on the receiving end - with parents who expected us to drip with gratitude and bow to their every request (NOT you). We appreciated the help - no question. But when the requests started getting impossible (due to the needs of our most challenging kid)... it created a LOT of friction.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling "inadequate". Appreciating help, but would rather do it themselves... leaves really mixed feelings. Even ordinary kids (now adults) want to be able to "do it myself". Maybe you're doing too much? Have you talked to them about how they feel? It's a tricky subject, but probably need to discuss it. You might get some surprising answers. Maybe your generosity should be going into an education fund for the grandkid(s)?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 662569, member: 11791"] Alternative perspective... Maybe he has more challenges than Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Perhaps not to a level that meets diagnostic cut-offs, but various traits can show up... especially when life gets more complex. I'm not going to even try to diagnose, but... here's a couple of things I noticed. Being asked to do things... requires a change of plans. Which is a "transitioning" issue. It's not an uncommon problem in kids with challenges - for example, autism spectrum. But it's a trait that can show up as a stress response: it's a challenge raising a toddler, etc. Work load requires being on his toes all the time. Maintaining a relationship with is wife. Keeping friends. He's DOING all of it... but it may be a fair load, and not come as easily as he makes it look. And then he's asked to be flexible on top of that and... can't wrap his brain around it fast enough. A toddler's growth speed alone is enough to be a challenge with transitions! Feeling "owned". Typical of kids this age who have generous parents. I've been on the receiving end - with parents who expected us to drip with gratitude and bow to their every request (NOT you). We appreciated the help - no question. But when the requests started getting impossible (due to the needs of our most challenging kid)... it created a LOT of friction. Feeling "inadequate". Appreciating help, but would rather do it themselves... leaves really mixed feelings. Even ordinary kids (now adults) want to be able to "do it myself". Maybe you're doing too much? Have you talked to them about how they feel? It's a tricky subject, but probably need to discuss it. You might get some surprising answers. Maybe your generosity should be going into an education fund for the grandkid(s)? [/QUOTE]
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