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Victimhood / Martyrdom vs Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636507" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar...they know. They know how much words hurt. They are con artists and, if very intelligent, and your son sounds it, they know exactly how to state an argument to actually make us feel terrible when we don't do the insane things they want us to do. My son has done this repeatedly, over and over again. And he gaslights such as, "I didn't do it" when everyone saw him or "I have no memories from childhood." The latter is very clever. For a while I used to wonder if his childhood was so bad that he blocked it out, like somebody with DID. But, of course, he wanted to not address his behaviors that set his siblings running for the hills and he wanted to blame them and to get my sympathy. Gaslighting is very cruel. I really wondered for a while if he was right and it was awful a nd Sibling X was the liar, although it was he who always lied. </p><p></p><p>My son is proud of himself when he gets his ill and vulnerable father to hand out lots of money. Much lying goes into this. </p><p></p><p>By the time these "kids" are middle age men, we have to assume that THEY are their problem, not us, and we don't owe them ANYTHING monetary, let alone our house!!! No matter how he spins it, that is crazy. That's his next gold mine. You gift it to him and he sells it and he again has money without working, but the money won't last.</p><p></p><p>I feel so badly when anyone's adult child uses sick methods to make us feel guilty...makes us doubt that sane behavior is actually abusive on our part. Gaslighting. Such an ugly thing to do to us. So abusive. </p><p></p><p>Feel our support and love and try to clear your head so that you can gain clarity as to what is real and what is your son's twisting, gaslighting and abuse. Hugs and sending good vibes, hoping you can find your way to some serenity today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636507, member: 1550"] Cedar...they know. They know how much words hurt. They are con artists and, if very intelligent, and your son sounds it, they know exactly how to state an argument to actually make us feel terrible when we don't do the insane things they want us to do. My son has done this repeatedly, over and over again. And he gaslights such as, "I didn't do it" when everyone saw him or "I have no memories from childhood." The latter is very clever. For a while I used to wonder if his childhood was so bad that he blocked it out, like somebody with DID. But, of course, he wanted to not address his behaviors that set his siblings running for the hills and he wanted to blame them and to get my sympathy. Gaslighting is very cruel. I really wondered for a while if he was right and it was awful a nd Sibling X was the liar, although it was he who always lied. My son is proud of himself when he gets his ill and vulnerable father to hand out lots of money. Much lying goes into this. By the time these "kids" are middle age men, we have to assume that THEY are their problem, not us, and we don't owe them ANYTHING monetary, let alone our house!!! No matter how he spins it, that is crazy. That's his next gold mine. You gift it to him and he sells it and he again has money without working, but the money won't last. I feel so badly when anyone's adult child uses sick methods to make us feel guilty...makes us doubt that sane behavior is actually abusive on our part. Gaslighting. Such an ugly thing to do to us. So abusive. Feel our support and love and try to clear your head so that you can gain clarity as to what is real and what is your son's twisting, gaslighting and abuse. Hugs and sending good vibes, hoping you can find your way to some serenity today. [/QUOTE]
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