Visit at rehab

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Zardo, Mar 24, 2013.

  1. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    We went for visiting time at rehab today. You may remember that we had a great family meeting with difficult child last week. Unfortunately the reports from the have been up and down since. I do believe he fully plans on being sober once home, but he continues to struggle with behavior. This rehab is very structured, up at a set time, clean your room, etc all day long. These are the very things he struggled with at boarding shool and home - he doesn't want to HAVE to do anything. Also, with the lack of cigarettes and add medications, his mood is all over the place. husband came with today and their relationship continues to heal so that's a positive, but I could see him trying to start conversations about not believing in aa and when he's going to get his cell phone back. He is acting like his sobriety is a given and we shouldn't be trying to "force" anything. To be honest I don't necessarily disagree with not forcing some things - like AA - personally I want him working it but I don't think there is any point forcing someone to do that - maybe the court will mandate it anyway. He is very upset that the rehab is recommending no stimulant medications - he does have terrible add and really relies on it for school - he is refusing trying anything like strattera - so the bottom line is - he's making a lot of terms and demands and I am nervous. He will have court and probation when he gets home so he cannot dictate all terms but I know how he gets. He will continue to demand and throw fits. We will have in home services when he comes home - but I wish he could just be reasonable. He will be home in 2 weeks.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Zardo. I understand your concerns as we had easy child/difficult child in three rehab programs. He, too, has needed stims since he was in early elementary. The first program allowed stims, allowed cigarettes (age 15!) and drove all the teens to an in town AA meeting five times a week. Yikes! The second and third program did not use AA as the format and focused on individual decision making. Both had an MD on staff who distributed the stims (or other medications) as prescribed by the teens MD's.

    Personally none of the programs gave us the results we were hoping for and cost us too many bucks. on the other hand, I do think that the separation from home and "homies" was helpful. Sad to say I believe that the "cure" is most dictated by the passage of time. The teen years are a son of a gun. Usually by 25 you have an idea of whether or not your difficult child will be able to function as an adult. Just wanted you to know that I read your post and I understand. DDD
  3. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    DDD - thanks for your response - u know what.... I agree - I think for the most part, difficult child is struggling in adolescence and we cannot tell if this is something he will pass through or not - only time will tell - the goal not is to prevent the hole he is digging from getting too big and try to minimize the chaos in our home in the meantime - I am also not adverse to kicking him out after 18 if the chaos continues and letting him work through this on his own so we can have peace in our home
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    My kid had a behavioural addiction, but he too was 17, when entering into treatment. And with late puberty and all over immaturity he was extremely rebellious at the time. Because of that even I was a bit leery of twelve steps for him. Twelve steps approach requires some maturity and willingness to submit and believe to the system. Not a greatest fit for my son at least. We were lucky that specialised intensive program to my son's addiction we had available wasn't twelve steps based but based on newer science on addictions. However I feel that it was also important to him, that we let him choose. Okay, he had strong incentives to stop and to enter the treatment but having options in what kind of treatment he wanted helped him own the process. Twelve steps meetings would had required him bit more travelling etc. and been overall less convenient for him than the other option but I do think that for him it made it easier to commit to his treatment, that he had a choice in the matter. That he got to choose this treatment model over other. While we strongly sided with treatment he chose, we tried not to show it to him too much and simply let him choose. I think that made him bit less rebellious concerning the treatment.

    I'm wondering if your area has some alternatives for AA (for example SMART groups) and if it would be possible and helpful to let your son to choose between different treatment methods and if that would help him own the process?
  5. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    I like your idea of letting him have options for aftercare. The problem is that the "option" he wants in not one supported by this rehab. he wants to go back to the IOP group that he was in before. This rehab feels that that IOP group was not good for him that he made many nagative connections and it exacerbated his use. He disagrees saying it is where he is comfortable and wnats to go and that he wasn't serious about it before and that's why it was negative. His language is very controlling - he is not open to anything anyone is suggesting - just what he wants. He is not talking about pursuing hobbies, says he's not interested in anything - he is talking about getting a job - but that will be hard to do. How will he explain being 17 and available to work during the day (because homeschooling is in the late afternoon)? I'm not sure how many employers would be open to giving an expelled kid a chance. We live in a small town - the places he will seek work will inevitably have other kids working there who know his story - the managers will ask "hey do you know this kid" before hriing, I know how it works. Worry, worry. If anyone has any input on aftercare options - or even weigh in on if we should just "force" AA - that would be helpful. What do you think about going back to IOP? I did look for SMART groups - I don't see any in our state.