On the road unwanted to travel
Thanks so much Albie. Our son remains in jail. We will check the daily docket and see if he is coming up for a court date. We have decided no communication is best even for another week or so. The we will see where we stand with son. He is bound to be manipulative, we are prepared for that. We will not bail him out we will not let him come home. This is the road we are on now and we are supporting each other.I am glad hubs is reading along; I share many posts with my hubs as well.
I have been thinking quite a bit about your son and jail and his court date. Your son's story parallels my son's story in many ways.
I don't want to go into details of my son's story, but I will say that the hardest decision we ever had to make involved sitting on our hands while his public defender took weeks to talk to him and months (months!) to meet with him. If it weren't for the strong persuasion of a good friend and recovering addict friend of ours, we certainly would have stepped in. Good lord, who wouldn't?!? No one should have to sit in jail for MONTHS, waiting to even find out which direction they are headed.
As it turns out, our son needed exactly that. He needed to be in such a place of fear and uncertainty that his foundation was completely rocked, and he needed MONTHS to clear his thinking to the point where he was ready to even BEGIN to listen and understand. As parents who desperately wanted our son back, we weren't emotionally equipped to accept that. It took a seasoned pubic defender and a recovering addict to tell us to stand back. I'm so glad we did, and so is our son.
So in addition to my first inclination, which is to say that you and hubs are the victims here and severing all contact for awhile is certainly reasonable and understandable, I also have to say that if the best thing for your son is your only consideration, sometimes the best thing isn't what we would expect at all.
I don't know what's best for your son, and I certainly don't know what life in a jail in Canada is like. Not fun, I'm sure. But I wanted to share our story and say that the right thing to do isn't necessarily to get involved at all, at this stage. Life in the rabbit hole can lead us to make choices that a "good" parent would never make otherwise.