I will be visiting my son in prison Saturday. He is of course in for his 2nd drug conviction. I think he may get out later this year or early in 2018. I have been through hell with both him and my daughter, as they have both used together. His choice is meth, hers has been prescription drugs. I recently joined an new group in town that was formed due to concerns over heroin and opioid drug users and is for family, friends and concerned people who need support over this epidemic. My adult children have had very unstable lives, using drugs, not being responsible etc, etc. I of course am the typical parent worrying and having my own anxiety over their lives. I do not visit him often, due to the time and cost of the visit, but since he has been in there he is more his old self. It is actually painful to see him be more like that person he used to be because it is easier to block him out of my mind when he is terrible. I don't know if this makes sense or not but all the bottled up feelings that I have had over the years just comes up to the surface when I see him sober, clean and talking clearer. Not that I want him on the drugs, that is awful to live through and his life was scary then. But I am going to give him love and moral support as long as he shows signs of cleaning up his act. Same for my daughter. I will not support them, or expose myself to risk, but I have decided that some of my pain or a lot of my pain has come from feeling bad about the way I feel about the behavior and as a result have had to create many boundaries in order to mentally survive myself. I still need those boundaries, but I also need to feel love and compassion for the illness and try to let them know that I do love them and at the same time I will still keep healthy boundaries if I can see what that means in each circumstance. I am finding that there is a line between being cold and being too enabling. I think finding that line for me has been hard. I relate to all the posts on here so much and have searched my heart and this is the best I can manage at this time. I have had so many sleepless nights due to anxiety and worry. Here is hoping that I can manage better and in the meantime maybe they will too.