Visit with- difficult child...vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If it wasn't enough for the gal to tell difficult child before court that the judge only had 2 options and it was his mom's fault that he wasn't coming home or going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), difficult child said the PO came to him yesterday and told him it was his mom's fault that he didn't go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She told him it was because I was non-compliant with- mst services and in home services.

    #1) I DO NOT believe that asking a judge to change an order for mst services to allow written recommendations from a state expert on difficult child's treatment to be pursued is the same thing as being non-compliant. We did meet with and do what mst guy required before that order was changed.

    #2) In home services that were ordered a couple of days before the latest "knife at my throat" incident by PO had not even started. The PO said we would meet the person in mid-Feb. What was I supposed to do- instead of calling cops that night was I supposed to just asked difficult child to put the knife up for another 11 days because as soon as we could meet this therapist, the problem would be solved? And how is that being non-compliant?

    #3) Who is it really that won't let this all go- me or those in the system? Who is it really that is instigating tensions between me and difficult child?

    And then, there is a kid I mentioned in my other thread a few days ago- who did the same thing with a knife on his mom and is probably going to be taken from his mom. I found out today that he had been trialing abilify, just like my difficult child, when this happened. His mom took him off the abilify when this happened and they are trying to take the kid away from her for medical neglect- for taking him off the abilify. I suggested that she go speak with another psychiatrist and get some testimony from him/her. Anyway, she said she also noticed that around here, at least, these gal's and po's make their mind up what they want, then twist facts, don't investigate, don't talk to family members or therapist's, psychiatrist's etc, just go into court and mislead people into getting them to think whatever they want to.

    I know that's probably hard for those who have never had this happen to believe that those in the system would do these things. But they do- and apparently, we aren't the only ones having to deal with it. My therapist just shakes her head- she said it is ridiculous for these people to be trying to tell difficult child that he could be home except I didn't do what they wanted- and completely ignore the fact that he pulled a knife on me and needs consequences of some sort. They are just using my son to get back at me and are not thinking at all about what is in his best interest, in my humble opinion. If they think for one second that these tacticts are making me any more motivated to work with them, they are sadly mistaken. It really makes me want to throw all their freaking pieces of paper in their faces. It sure doesn't lead me to trust them. If the people in the state Department of Juvenile Justice reinforce this even more for the next several months, ...well... things aren't going to turn out well.

    That's my vent for the night- hopefully the week. LOL! No response necessary- yes I'm getting on with my life.

    On a better note, difficult child was telling me things he was able to notice about his previous patterns with cleaning sprees, "mania", anxiety, etc. Too bad they don't already have him with a good therapist- they can't do this until he gets moved and that won't happen until the PO gets her paperwork finished. He is pretty insightful. He said he would start feeling hyper and anxious and could sense that "mania" might be coming on. He said he would clean during those periods because he knew that if he didn't, then he went manic that he would completely lose his temper when things were messy or he couldn't find something- that he would lose his temper and explode. I reminded him that the "mania" might not be true bipoklar- this really might be needing to learn with stress and anxiety better. He asked how, I told him he needed to work with a therapist and psychiatrist, but a lot could be learned without so much dependence on medications.

    Fortunately, my son and the other boy I refferred to are getting along and are starting to talk to each other a little. They are both 14yo, in there for pulling a knife on their mom, their mom's are getting blamed for it, they are not blaming their mom's, they both have questionable BiPolar (BP) diagnosis's and have had numerous medication combo's/trials, they both excel in math and are intelligent but struggle in some similar areas. Very coincidental.
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm soo happy he has a friend.

    That's awesome to hear you're getting on with life. You're going to be ok :)
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so freaking sorry.
    What are we going to do with our judicial system?
    I mean, I just am so baffled and saddened by this horrific problem that no one seems to care about except us - the moms of difficult children.
    There just has to be a better way.
    I am so so sorry. Somehow, someway this will get better for you. Maybe, someday, you will be able to influence the judicial system because of this. I don't know. I just know we are all put on this earth to affect something.

    Many hugs and prayers being sent your way.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Vent away! Just don't get stuck dwelling, and I think you're doing a find job of not doing that. You have so much to process and visits with difficult child are going to bring things back to the surface.

    If difficult child really wants to know what was done and by who, make him a copy of all your records, requests for transfers, etc and hand it to him. He's old enough to draw conclusions. Otherwise, I'd ask him if he really thinks its my fault and discuss any questions he may have about it. Might make a point of letting his future docs know, too, that someone else keeps bringing it up.

    Hugs hugs hugs!
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shaking head. I think it is SO irresponsible to say anything like that to difficult child. Talk about undermining his recovery. I'd be writing a letter to supervisors and copying everyone and his brother. I know our congressman isn't the best.. but it can't hurt to copy him, anyway.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I am really sorry for being "snappy" in my post. I'm not mad at people here. I just threw out my post, then stopped and played a computer game for a while as a diversion.

    Anyway, if PO had said this to difficult child the day of court it would have been one thing, but clearly (at least to me) it is these people who can't get over a grudge and keep things going on- she just said this stuff to difficult child yesterdday. The people there are apparently getting annoyed because she hasn't done her paperwork and gotten difficult child moved yet. This is typical for her- just like not taking any action on helping us before things got to this point, then CYA by blaming it on me for not complying with what she wanted.

    This one- I just hope this stuff comes out when I go to court for my breaking the order- that is the ONLY order from anyone I have ever broken and I'm owning up to it. I think this might be a good way for an attny to lead into it- by having me clarify how I was compliant with mst and in home services hadn't even been close to starting.

    As far as difficult child- I'm thinking about using this to support my point with him. "Well, difficult child maybe there are things I could have done differently to keep you from being someplace out of the home- but when you pull a knife on me, don't expect me to do it." I don't have any doubt that I could have taken their personality test and have difficult child home right now with the only change being that I have court ordered therapy. BS on that. And that's what they are really mad about. difficult child NEEDS to know that he can F.O.R.G.E.T. me ever putting up with more BS from these people if he's becoming violent with me, for one. For another, he ddoes need to know that I will never accept that he can get away with things like that by blaming someone else, no matter what issues they have.

    Really- if a kid pulls a knife on his mom for a pack of cigs at 14yo, what would he do if he's 16yo and wants sex from a girl? What would he do if he's 26yo and wants his wife to jump up and do something? And they wanted me to bring him home with me on court ordered medications and therapy?

    These people need to grow a brain. If I had let this happen and the judge had agreed to it (which frankly, they don't know if she would have or not), and difficult child had slit my throat and killed me the next time, do you think GAL or PO would be asking him to come and live with either of them?
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    klmno, it's time to let go of all this stuff. It's done & over. Really. I've watched & read over time all the issues you've dealt had with difficult child. He's being held accountable.

    Once a difficult child pulls violence & threatens one's life juvie is going to step in & there isn't much you can do.

    You seem so all over the place....... treatment in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) isn't going to be the end all be all. My wm had Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placements for a total of 24 months & he still is not living at home because of his choices/disorder/illness. Whatever way you want to look at it. It's best for all of us & we're making the best of it.

    IF difficult child goes to your brother, it's up to the state (juvie whomever) to track what's going on there. AND it's up to difficult child to abide by the terms of his release.

    From what I can tell you've done all you can ~ it's time to move on. Who cares what GAL said anymore? Or what PO tells difficult child? Is he messing with your head? He is in a pretty powerful postion right now, even if he is in jail. He's got a heck of a lot of attention - all negative but I would guess he's in his glory, knowing that he can push buttons & people will jump.

    Back off & give yourself time to heal ~ please.