Visit with my son

[Helpless29]

Went to visit my son today, it went well , he was happy to see me, we sat at the table & talked & laughed , he seemed to be doing alright. I talked to him about changing his life. He still wont own up to his mistakes & blames others mainly his dad.He didn’t ask to come live with me but I know if I offered , he would of said yes. I felt kinda bad because he told me how he wanted to change , etc but I couldn’t tell him to come with us, because I don’t think in 2 weeks he is completely changed. I mentioned to him about going to job corps but he said no. But overall it was good visit & I think we were both happy after it , as happy as either one of us could be under these circumstances. Next court date is the February 28th, not sure what will happen. Dad is still saying he dosent want him to live with him anymore but realistically the probation officer , said he just can’t do that when he has custody. I’m just praying things get better , at this point my son & his dad want nothing to do with one another.

 

[Crayola13]

I'm glad the visit went well. It seems he took the probation officer's advice about talking nicely and politely to you.

What is his reason for not wanting to go to the job corps?

 

[BusynMember]

Just remember, he is in jail. So he needs you for company and money.

If it were me, he would never come home. I will try to explain why....it is not to punish him.

But he has had no professional help and even with profesdional help it takes months to years to change at the core. Nobody changes in two weeks.

Also in my opinion your husband's desires need to come first. He will be there for you to the end. Realistically your son will probably continue to struggle and will not be there the way you need somebody as one ages. He COULD end up costing you your retirement. You need it.

I hope this is a true light bulb moment for your son and that he will accept rehab and psychiatric help once he is out. Those in my opinion are his best options. He cant keep losing it like he did or life will not go well for him.

Have a peaceful night. Your son was not on drugs and you got to see a bit of him sober. Smile at this blessing.

Hugs and love!

 

[Copabanana]

I couldn’t tell him to come with us, because I don’t think in 2 weeks he is completely changed.

This would have been a mistake. There is no reason for him to come home with you. As I recall he assaulted his dad (something happened, please forgive me if this is incorrect.) He does not deserve a reward.

I am very glad that the visit went well. I am so pleased for you that you went. This was the absolutely best thing you could have done for your son, and for yourself. But one visit or two weeks in jail, does not make change.

Dad is still saying he doesn't want him to live with him anymore but realistically the probation officer, said he just can’t do that when he has custody.

Good.

I mentioned to him about going to job corps but he said no.

This is healthy. Son has the option of working things out with his Dad, going to Job Corps or the best shot, going to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It was wise of you to mention Job Corps. The ball is in son's court. Let's see what he does with this.

 

[Helpless29]

I'm glad the visit went well. It seems he took the probation officer's advice about talking nicely and politely to you.

What is his reason for not wanting to go to the job corps?

Because he would have to stay there to do the program. I told him it would be the best thing for him but he didn’t even consider it a option.

 

[RN0441]

Glad the visit went well.

Sometimes they have to be forced to do things they do not want to do. As in if he can't return to his dads, for whatever reason, and you don't let him come home, maybe he'll have to go to Job Corps. In my opinion this could be good for him and prevent him from doing more bad things.

It sounds like your son, like mine, needs firm structure.

How I wish I had the hindsight to send ours to a military school when he was 15 and this all started. We did not know what we were dealing with and then kept trying to fix it anyway.

Nothing we did worked until we sent him away.