visitation drop-off

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Oct 28, 2011.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm shaken up at the moment. Idiot X just tried to get me by myself again at the drop-off place. Almost seceded. He watches me from the church parking lot that is down the block from the drop-off place. He must have started going to the drop-off place right after he saw me go in the building. It takes 1 min to get their from the church lot. (Yes, I've timed it.) I have to get in and out really fast when dropping difficult child 1 off or he will really freak out. I had just started backing up when X pulled in. I left the other kids in the van waiting for me. If he had gotten in the parking lot (not lit parking lot) before I did I would've had to choose between leaving my kids out there with a murder/rapist while I got the clueless drop-off people to make him leave or to go out there and let him get me by myself. I can't take the other kids there again. Its just to risky. It takes us to long getting in and out of the van for all of us to get out and go in the building when I take difficult child 1 in and then to load everyone back up after we are difficult child 1-less. (Besides difficult child 1 would be screaming by then.) I think I need husband to take the day off of work every Friday I have to take difficult child 1 to the drop-off place. If husband can get off work then husband will take difficult child 1. I'll try to get a neighbor to watch the kids on Sundays and Mondays when I pick difficult child 1 back up. At least I have more control at the pick ups. If he tries to stay late I can just not pull in. Then I can call the drop-off place and make them make him leave. So if I don't get a babysitter every time for pick ups I hope it'll be o.k. Of course if he starts coming back after I get in the building I'll have to re-asses.

    I would really like to live a drama free life.

    We had the lawyer meeting. It is fuzzy if we can do anything or not. Lawyer needs to meet with difficult child 1's therapists (and school people if I can get it) before he will know if anything can be done. It all depends on what they are willing to say in court. I'm not hopeful.

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sweetheart, is this a court-ordered drop-off place?

    If it is - tell them - and tell them you want a cop there. You feel like you're being followed maliciously.

    I'm not kidding. Bio mom almost ran husband off the road (kids in her car once, kids in his more than once, ME and kids once). No cop = nothing happened.

  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    so sorry you went thru that. so totally unfair. some people just need to have something debilitating happen to them. (sorry so mean but it would just help so much) I hope those folks are upfront and fully open and honest when they talk to the lawyer. difficult child 1 needs a break and you absolutely do. I just can't imagine that kind of fear and stress. Thinking of you....
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ditto the cop at the drop off place.

    I hope something can be done via the lawyers. I can't imagine how horrid this has to be for you all.

  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    This place is so pro-father it is nauseating. Yes it is court ordered. If I do anything (like insist a cop be there) all the pr I've done for years will go down the drain just at a time I need them to stand-up for difficult child 1. X has to be in blatant violation before they will even take note that anything is a miss. And then to get them to take action I have to refuse to leave the building or refuse to enter the building until they go outside and tell him to go away. If I do anything else I will look (at least to them) like I am an unreasonable, hysterical, bitter ex-wife putting on a show to turn her kid against the poor father. gag This place is all about pr. its not really about my safety or difficult child 1.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Wow, sort of reminds me of my hometown.

    Have you tried getting the local domestic violence shelter to give you tips or support? If it's so pro father there, I'd imagine they've done more than their fair share of butting heads with the system.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Good point. I'll ask them for some advice.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Just popping in to send my support.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Dang, we could've used that place back when. Our area is exactly the opposite.

    Do you have a video camera or videocam on your cell phone?
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    This is exactly what came to mind...or even some kind of audio or video recording device hidden on you in case he does corner you. ??
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Do you have a friend who is a cop? I'm thinking have him waiting in the drop-off place and then following you out after a few seconds to 'catch' XH. Or have him in your car.

    That way it isn't 'official' but you still get your stellar witness.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Would the presence of an adult passenger do the trick? Perhaps you could get a neighbor to ride aong? Are you worried about physical violence or verbal/emotional violence? It must be really difficult to keep "normal" in front of the children when you have good reason to be intimidated. I'm hoping for a positive change soon.

    by the way, was difficult child eager to go this time since he had a good time last outing? Hugs. DDD
  13. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    difficult child 1 wasn't happy about going but he wasn't refusing to go either.

    Yes, I have a camera on my phone. If he corners me I'll be calling 911. The dispatcher and recording can be my witness. What he will probably do is a lot of verbal/emotional abuse. Maybe slam me against something or try to run me over with his car. These are all past actions he has done.

    I have a very hard time acting normal in front of the kids. I start visibly shaking. Because of the attitudes of the drop-off place this is not a good reaction. I also get nauseated but haven't actually thrown up so they don't know about that.

    Thanks for all the responses and prayers.
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    You can still ask for an officer to be present at exchange or parked nearby. If you're not comfortable with city, ask the county for an officer. Even a wildlife officer (who in some states has closer or equal to federal jurisdiction).
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I got shaky reading that. I know that adrenalyn reaction when you can't even dial a phone because you are so scared. Really awful. I am so sorry they are so biased and believe him. I truly believe that people like X will suffer dearly in the next phase of existence. Wish he could pay now though. You do not deserve this and something has to change. I think having a buddy to go along with you who is not an obvious officer is a great idea. do you belong to a church? can a minister or someone come with you?