Haven't updated in some time and feeling blue today so here goes. Son has been sharing an apartment in Boca Raton with a middle aged woman for 2 months. He found the place on his own but we helped him financially after being homeless for about 2 weeks (but sneaking in girlfriend house to sleep) with no money from us WHEN he got a job at Publix. The job fell through due to a warrant here for him for fighting via text with ex girlfriend. He threatened her but said to me that she knew he didn't mean it blah blah and he has never been violent and didn't think it was illegal. This happened early last year and he had been drinking. Plan was for son to take some college classes in January also and pay us a portion of his rent each month and pay for his food and gas with new job. He gets some meals at work depending on hours worked. He has been sober and doing everything right and even found a job delivering sandwiches at a local place that he likes.....until last week. I had completely cut off all contact with him (blocked him on phone and social media) due to me just needing a mental break from him until about a month ago when he reached out by email because he missed our relationship. I cautiously let him back in. Husband and oldest son had a nice time with Difficult Child and girlfriend when they stayed at our condo which is about 2 hours from where son lives when he went in late October. It seemed like maybe the worst was behind us. Last week he asked me if he could get prescription sunglasses and I thought it was a good idea since he is in Florida and drives a lot and he was due for frames. It was to be his Christmas present. I planned to get him a few other small things too. I talked to him several times in one day and his voice sounded sluggish. Felt something wasn't right. He denied it. Son is very sharp and he just wasn't himself. That evening I even said to husband let's do a FaceTime with him because of my suspicions. That night we did and son looked like he may have been drinking a bit (his problem mainly pills). But since he is over 21 and he had worked 4 days in a row husband said to let it be and see what happens. Not like we could do anything from 1300 miles away anyway. The next night I received a text from his girlfriend saying that she was worried about him. Her mother had just died a few days earlier after a long battle with a liver disease and she had gone to his place and he was out of it on bed with candy wrappers all over. I called her immediately and talked to son and he said he was "just tired". I gave him a piece of my mind assuming pills were involved and he denied and hung up on me. girlfriend tried to back peddle via text saying that she jumped the gun, he was just overtired etc. I knew better. She just confirmed my suspicions. Husband talked to son later that day and told him that he had let us down and that he was going to end up homeless like before and that we would not be seeing him for Thanksgiving as planned. Funny but I had told him the same thing during our phone call. I haven't seen him since April and was looking forward to it but if there is even the slightest indication that there is a problem, forget it. Son has been working since that episode and denies that it was "anything". We both feel that he did take something but we are taking our vacation in Florida as planned although we have told him that we cancelled our trip. I have again blocked my son from having any contact with me. He does not go to NA meetings or a therapist. We have found we cannot force the issue. For now we are leaving things as they are. We both have some guilt that we will not see him but feel that he needs to know that if he does not stay sober we will not be a part of his life. My therapist also felt that we are doing the right thing by not seeing him. It is very hard on me. Most times I am strong and able to handle it all but today I feel like I have a big whole inside. Our trip to Florida was originally planned so we could spend the holiday with him. I know that HE did this but it doesn't help me not feel terribly sad. We are going back for Christmas and may see him then but I just don't know. Like most of us, we feel tough love is good but we always worry if the drugs will end their life and then we have regrets for not spending some time with them if we are able.