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Substance Abuse
Waiting is the hardest part
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 702852" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You made a mistake I made at first but learned was not good for me.</p><p></p><p>Two possibly good months (because you don't know how good they really were) is not enough time to get excited. By the time my daughter really quit, it took us over a year to trust her, and that was only after she had been a manager at work, was checking out college on her own, did not ask us or in I receive a dime from us and was in contact every day.</p><p>The lack of drama was telling. And nice.</p><p></p><p>She did not go out and get drunk for any reason. She walked to work and had no car. I thought your son was not driving?</p><p></p><p>in my opinion he is not on that good road yet. He is lying and drinking, which most people may be able to do for relaxation, but he can't or it will trigger alcoholism or/and other drug abuse. He is not sober. He in my opinion should not be still living off of you. He shouldn't want to at his age. He is not acting like he is sober and independent or plans to be.</p><p></p><p>Your husband in my opinion needs to understand</p><p> your son can not drink and do well. Not at all. Ever. And your son must accept this too. Many sober alcoholics never touch alcohol. Your son needs to join them or stay sick.</p><p></p><p>Having a car is dangerous to Son and anyone in his path if he is drunk or high...and when he drives I guess he is often impaired. I didn't think my daughter drove impaired but three bad accidents later, one in which she was sued, told the truth.</p><p></p><p> By then she was only driving friends cars as we had stopped letting her drive ours or paying for her to do so. Thank God. She ended up owing $14,000 and kept up payments for years until finally ex paid it off</p><p> This was several years of her being sober.</p><p></p><p>Back to your son. Sorry but college is for hard workers. Your son is in NO state to go to college. He needs to heal first. Any money you spend on college will be wasted. He is showing no signs of ambition. He barely has a job. He doesn't work anywhere he can support himself. Will he truly hit the books?</p><p></p><p>Sorry for my negative tone. I don't want you to be sad. But I don't want you to be fooled like we were either. It is devastating to think it's better and then to find out it's not. I have been there. I don't wish it on anyone.</p><p></p><p>When he truly wants to quit, you will see such a huge change in everything about your son that you will wonder if its really him. His attitude, his friends, his empathy will change. He will want to grow up without your monetary support. He may even find God. He will be much calmer and saner.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion Son needs to face his warrant. That's part of taking responsibility for himself. It will hang over his head if he tries to hide from it.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs. Hope this didn't come off as sharp or critical. It was not written for that purpose.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 702852, member: 1550"] You made a mistake I made at first but learned was not good for me. Two possibly good months (because you don't know how good they really were) is not enough time to get excited. By the time my daughter really quit, it took us over a year to trust her, and that was only after she had been a manager at work, was checking out college on her own, did not ask us or in I receive a dime from us and was in contact every day. The lack of drama was telling. And nice. She did not go out and get drunk for any reason. She walked to work and had no car. I thought your son was not driving? in my opinion he is not on that good road yet. He is lying and drinking, which most people may be able to do for relaxation, but he can't or it will trigger alcoholism or/and other drug abuse. He is not sober. He in my opinion should not be still living off of you. He shouldn't want to at his age. He is not acting like he is sober and independent or plans to be. Your husband in my opinion needs to understand your son can not drink and do well. Not at all. Ever. And your son must accept this too. Many sober alcoholics never touch alcohol. Your son needs to join them or stay sick. Having a car is dangerous to Son and anyone in his path if he is drunk or high...and when he drives I guess he is often impaired. I didn't think my daughter drove impaired but three bad accidents later, one in which she was sued, told the truth. By then she was only driving friends cars as we had stopped letting her drive ours or paying for her to do so. Thank God. She ended up owing $14,000 and kept up payments for years until finally ex paid it off This was several years of her being sober. Back to your son. Sorry but college is for hard workers. Your son is in NO state to go to college. He needs to heal first. Any money you spend on college will be wasted. He is showing no signs of ambition. He barely has a job. He doesn't work anywhere he can support himself. Will he truly hit the books? Sorry for my negative tone. I don't want you to be sad. But I don't want you to be fooled like we were either. It is devastating to think it's better and then to find out it's not. I have been there. I don't wish it on anyone. When he truly wants to quit, you will see such a huge change in everything about your son that you will wonder if its really him. His attitude, his friends, his empathy will change. He will want to grow up without your monetary support. He may even find God. He will be much calmer and saner. in my opinion Son needs to face his warrant. That's part of taking responsibility for himself. It will hang over his head if he tries to hide from it. Big hugs. Hope this didn't come off as sharp or critical. It was not written for that purpose. [/QUOTE]
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