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Substance Abuse
Waiting is the hardest part
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703316" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>I have been wondering how you were, the what and hoping you were doing well. Clearly, by your post, you are. Given everything, the way it is, and has been. This is your place to stand. You have been consistent. It is an important beginning. Your claim of your own value and deserving and strength. How many of us get to this point, really? This starting point that begins, and supports and fuels everything.</p><p>Another important understanding, that when understood from its core, can be everything. To know this, and accept it--what a humbling and a gift to everybody in our sphere, along to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>The questions for me, are now, what do we do after we have found this place to stand? Do we see our kids? How do we love them? Can we accept them into our sphere (I am not speaking of a spatial or physical sphere here?) How do we see them, as moral and spiritual people, with their own rights and obligations, without imposing our own?</p><p></p><p>Is all of this, for us, a defense? Are we walking their walk too? Is one way better or more authentic or more defensible than another? Is there a power play at work? By whom? To what extent or another are we imposing control, as well as them?</p><p></p><p>What do we want for them, that we really have the right to want or ask? By throwing them out or keeping them away (I have done both)--do I seek the easy way, to turn my back on him? At what cost to myself?</p><p></p><p>These are questions I am only now asking, having spent the bulk of the last decade hiding, running, hysterically denying responsibility, guilt and any control what so ever--especially with respect to myself.</p><p></p><p>Welcome back. I was away for a while too, maybe 4 or 5 or 6 months I posted sporadically if at all. The time out helped me. To see myself and my situation with a bit more clarity. To see whether and how I might have changed, and to look at myself and us through a different lens, as you are doing too.</p><p></p><p>Take care, New Leaf. You are strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703316, member: 18958"] Hi New Leaf. I have been wondering how you were, the what and hoping you were doing well. Clearly, by your post, you are. Given everything, the way it is, and has been. This is your place to stand. You have been consistent. It is an important beginning. Your claim of your own value and deserving and strength. How many of us get to this point, really? This starting point that begins, and supports and fuels everything. Another important understanding, that when understood from its core, can be everything. To know this, and accept it--what a humbling and a gift to everybody in our sphere, along to ourselves. The questions for me, are now, what do we do after we have found this place to stand? Do we see our kids? How do we love them? Can we accept them into our sphere (I am not speaking of a spatial or physical sphere here?) How do we see them, as moral and spiritual people, with their own rights and obligations, without imposing our own? Is all of this, for us, a defense? Are we walking their walk too? Is one way better or more authentic or more defensible than another? Is there a power play at work? By whom? To what extent or another are we imposing control, as well as them? What do we want for them, that we really have the right to want or ask? By throwing them out or keeping them away (I have done both)--do I seek the easy way, to turn my back on him? At what cost to myself? These are questions I am only now asking, having spent the bulk of the last decade hiding, running, hysterically denying responsibility, guilt and any control what so ever--especially with respect to myself. Welcome back. I was away for a while too, maybe 4 or 5 or 6 months I posted sporadically if at all. The time out helped me. To see myself and my situation with a bit more clarity. To see whether and how I might have changed, and to look at myself and us through a different lens, as you are doing too. Take care, New Leaf. You are strong. [/QUOTE]
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