Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Waiting is the hardest part
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703317" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>RN.Son needs to know that the law now (my state only?) considers this to be a terrorist threat. I have known people who got 3 years prison. But more important is that <u>you know.</u></p><p><u></u></p><p>I went through a period when like you I would not see or speak with my son, did not seek him out, miss him, or want him near me at all. I could not stand it and could not stand him. Period. While I did not do this with any intention to change or influence him, it got his attention.</p><p></p><p>The decision will have to be his, your son's to do whatever it takes to be in your orbit. Whatever drinking, drugging, acting out, working or not--that he does until he decides to do what it takes to be near you at all, is his choice and responsibility. Period. End of your part of the story, this chapter of it. That is what I think.</p><p></p><p>But this is not the whole book of his life or your own. You know this. We cannot hinge upon their actions, their feelings, their this and that <em>for our own stories</em>.</p><p></p><p>Our children, our sons, were never our whole stories. We were workers, wives, friends, neighbors--always. There is no reason that those facets of your life have to be colored by your sons actions and yours to him. That is a personal choice.</p><p></p><p>Why? For your sense of culpability and responsibility or penance? That is garbage and you know it.</p><p></p><p>This is his life to make sense of and he is doing it. Just as it is our lives that we are trying to make sense of by and through boundaries, and limits, and insights, and support, etcetera.</p><p></p><p>You know I am very like you in almost everything with respect to my son. I am back in bed!! Even that. Overwhelmed again with life. Feeling undeserving even, of my own life. But from bed, I can say to you: Give yourself back your life. And give him, his own.</p><p></p><p>Addiction is addiction. He will have lapses, until he does not. And he will decide when enough is enough. M with whom I live with a lifelong functioning alcoholic. The son of a lifelong alcoholic. He had stopped for 19 years and resumed drinking a few years before I met him.</p><p></p><p>He drank less after we met but something happened that really scared him in relation to me. He had deep shame. And one day, when he was about 56 years old he stopped and never drank again. A couple of times he tasted a liqueur I made, no problem. He is not tempted to drink, will not be around old drinking buddies and is committed to not drink.</p><p></p><p>I worry as does his sister what he will do when his mother dies (she is his beloved) but when that day comes he will decide. Can I control it? No. Can you? No.</p><p></p><p>Oh the agonies we live here on this forum. My question is this? How can I see this as real and necessary life, and live fully the time I have left. (Which I fear is not that much.)</p><p></p><p>M said something wise the other day: He had relented and decided to allow my son back into our lives. He said <em>we have failed many times, and we will fail many times more. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Which I understood as his saying: That this is what it means to live and to love. And to stay in the game of life and of love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703317, member: 18958"] RN.Son needs to know that the law now (my state only?) considers this to be a terrorist threat. I have known people who got 3 years prison. But more important is that [U]you know. [/U] I went through a period when like you I would not see or speak with my son, did not seek him out, miss him, or want him near me at all. I could not stand it and could not stand him. Period. While I did not do this with any intention to change or influence him, it got his attention. The decision will have to be his, your son's to do whatever it takes to be in your orbit. Whatever drinking, drugging, acting out, working or not--that he does until he decides to do what it takes to be near you at all, is his choice and responsibility. Period. End of your part of the story, this chapter of it. That is what I think. But this is not the whole book of his life or your own. You know this. We cannot hinge upon their actions, their feelings, their this and that [I]for our own stories[/I]. Our children, our sons, were never our whole stories. We were workers, wives, friends, neighbors--always. There is no reason that those facets of your life have to be colored by your sons actions and yours to him. That is a personal choice. Why? For your sense of culpability and responsibility or penance? That is garbage and you know it. This is his life to make sense of and he is doing it. Just as it is our lives that we are trying to make sense of by and through boundaries, and limits, and insights, and support, etcetera. You know I am very like you in almost everything with respect to my son. I am back in bed!! Even that. Overwhelmed again with life. Feeling undeserving even, of my own life. But from bed, I can say to you: Give yourself back your life. And give him, his own. Addiction is addiction. He will have lapses, until he does not. And he will decide when enough is enough. M with whom I live with a lifelong functioning alcoholic. The son of a lifelong alcoholic. He had stopped for 19 years and resumed drinking a few years before I met him. He drank less after we met but something happened that really scared him in relation to me. He had deep shame. And one day, when he was about 56 years old he stopped and never drank again. A couple of times he tasted a liqueur I made, no problem. He is not tempted to drink, will not be around old drinking buddies and is committed to not drink. I worry as does his sister what he will do when his mother dies (she is his beloved) but when that day comes he will decide. Can I control it? No. Can you? No. Oh the agonies we live here on this forum. My question is this? How can I see this as real and necessary life, and live fully the time I have left. (Which I fear is not that much.) M said something wise the other day: He had relented and decided to allow my son back into our lives. He said [I]we have failed many times, and we will fail many times more. [/I] Which I understood as his saying: That this is what it means to live and to love. And to stay in the game of life and of love. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Waiting is the hardest part
Top