Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Mar 28, 2009.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well I feel like I am sitting here waiting for the ball to drop. However, I am not going to just sit here! difficult child last night said he was ready to go to jail when I talked to him. husband is out of town but difficult child doesnt know it. Anyway,He called a place where people go called "XXXXX". He talked to them on the phone in front of me. He did not come home. He is living with the family he was living with before - the man supposedly is a crack head. Anyway, he has a court date for Wednesday. He will probably go to jail unless he goes to "XXXXX" first. I believe he needs dual diagnosis too. Nobody tells me what they have evaluated him as - who knows. I feel like I am just waiting for the next crisis. It is always the calm before the storm it seems. How does he even know if he needs dual diagnosis?
    Lasted edited by : Mar 28, 2009
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's up to the professionals if he is a "dual diagnosis." The facility can decide that, if he follows through.

    I'd be cautiously optimistic... with emphasis on the cautious. Let this play out... and do your best to stay out of it.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Susan, please don't sit around waiting for that ball to drop. Go out and have some fun......do something constructive.....distract yourself if necessary. It's his ball, not yours.

    I don't know why he'd need a dual diagnosis. And in my opinion attempting to diagnosis him right now in the midst of his addiction would be useless as most "symptoms" are likely based in the addictive behavior and withdrawl from alcohol or drugs. These so called symptoms can mimick various disorders, but that doesn't mean the person actually has them. So would not necessarily be in his best interest at this point. Maybe once he is sober and working the program if any symptoms persist........that would be different.

    I know others may believe differently, including some docs.

    My best friend has been handed various dxes as her behavior deteriorated. psychiatrist loaded her up with medications that weren't working. Of course same psychiatrist was also not aware of friend's drinking or drug addiction until I made her aware of it. Once psychiatrist was armed with this info and looked at friend objectively 90 percent of the behaviors/symptoms were linked to alcohol/drug addiction. So psychiatrist is in a holding pattern trying to convince friend to stick with a treatment program and detox.

    Unfortunately......during this with psychiatrist, friend realized that prescription drugs do the job quite well when one has trouble getting the street drug of choice......she was claiming medications weren't working and even new symptoms for more medications from doctor which she was using to get high.

    That is the danger of "dual diagnosis"......even though alot of psychiatrists don't say so. Just thought I'd put that out there for you to think about.

  4. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    True very true. I will just wait and see and stay out of it. I am going to Barnes and Noble now! Have a great day everyone. Stands just may be starting to see the light!
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Hope you will find a good book, Susan. What happens to him, happens. To him. It has nothing to do with you or your life, so let it be and don't worry. Don't wait for him. Set yourself free.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2009
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Way To Go! Enjoy your outing! -rm
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Susan, right now he just needs to detox, and he doesn't seem ready or he wouldn't want to live with crackhead family. His other diagnoses won't get better or doubt you can even tell where the drug addiction starts and the mental illness starts while somebody is a user. How can you tell if a person is bipolar if they are using drugs? It's impossible to tell if the person is moodswinging because of drugs or his own brain chemistry.
    Right now I don't see signs that your son is ready or willing to do this. It's not easy and you can't do it for him. Everyone recovers alone. You can lend support, but the torment of actually going through withdrawals can't be shared. And the person must be very very motivated in order to actually go through with it. (((Hugs))) Don't wait for the next crisis. Go on with your life and take that next crisis in stride, if you can. You know it will happen. Don't put YOUR life on hold anymore. IF he goes to jail, well, he'll have to detox, one good thing.
  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well you all are right. I went to the bookstore and bought a book called Setting Boundaries for Adult children. It is fantastic. I have learned that I need to help myself first - I know I needed to learn that all alongl. I will practice that more. It wont be easy. It never is but I am doing harm tohim and myself by continuing to enable him through any money - places to stay - calling places for him and doing for him what he can do for himself. I have done this to my whole family. I think I will ask for forgiveness from my daughter and youngest son. I have goals for me and my husband somewhere in my mind - I cannot save my son anymore - I have been hindering him - I dont know what he is doing now - nor can I help it. I have to let go. Pray for strength for me to do that. I need to help me first. thanks
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You're on the right track, Susan. Stick with it. I wouldn't worry too much about forgiveness for right now, just keep moving forward.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is definitely on the right track!! And it will be hard, but you can do it! I will keep you in my prayers and send support and strength to you.

    Sounds like a great book!
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You're doing wonderfully. :)
  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks. I will finish ready my book and then go to church. It is very windy here today but sunny! Thanks be to God - it is not raining.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    May I buy that book from you when you are done? OMG - sounds like a great read.

    Also I'm with Witz - don't worry so much about forgiveness.....make a list of things you'd like to be forgiven for NOW - and then revisit that list in about 3 months. It will amaze you what you forgive YOURSELF for - and fyi - your actions will be the forgiveness that your family needs to see to forgive their own thoughts and you. .......A strong Mom is an awesome force.